Do you forgive people easily?

[Decentlady]

I forgive people all right but I don't forget easily. It takes me time to let go of the bitterness.

Despite forgiving it takes me a while to behave normally with people and sometime I end up keeping my distance from such people.

Pretending is just not my thing. So, I do take time to heal before re-bridging the gap.

 

[AnxietyMuffins]

I'll forgive. But I don't want to be around them.

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[Snapdragon]

I'm not a very forgiving person, and in the chance I do forgive, I may never trust that person for a long time after, if at all.

Though to be honest, it takes a lot for me to get genuinely angry at someone. I do get grumpy at times, but usually I'm a major pushover and I have trouble being assertive or speaking up when things upset me. However, once I am angry, that's usually the end of it. I don't often forgive once someone has pushed me past my limits.
I do feel guilty when I get genuinely angry though, because sometimes I don't speak up about things until I've reached that point, and people do deserve better from me.
I often wish I had the courage to speak up when things bother me, instead of letting things get out of hand.

 

[Dragonfly1]

Forgiveness has gotten me through some pretty rough patches in my life. In most cases, I try to look at any underlying issues that may have caused the person to do wrong to another, and place emphasis on their positive attributes. There is a clear difference between forgiving and forgetting though. I will forgive someone of their actions, but will proceed with caution to avoid the incident from happening again.
I have been called a "pushover" and a "doormat", both of which I find offensive, but I have less pent up anger, guilt, and probably sleep better at night than most.

 

[janemariesayed]

Hi @Dragonfly1 I love your avatar name! When I lived in Hurghada by the Red Sea I met an American who was staying there for a holiday. He told me that forgiveness is not allowing any particular upsetting situation continue. It isn't agreeing with it either. Moreso, it is letting it go in your mind. Forgiveness is not dwelling on it. Not having it on your mind. If it comes to mind you purposely put something else there until the thought subsides completely. If someone needs to walk away from the situation to be able to do that then that its best. If you stay in a situation that will not allow you to move on, ie: if the situation continues, you have to walk away to be able to forgive. If you don't forgive it will fester and make you sick, in the mind and physically. It will affect your life and make you paranoid so we must forgive.

 

[Concernedgal]

Unfortunately yes... I have such low self esteem that I quickly forgive people in fear that they will leave my life . I feel that u am not good enough to have people love me. Why do we as anxiety suffer's have such lowith self esteem? I wish I had confidence and the will to stick up for myself. I feel so sucky right now. .. I suppose i'my in my depression stage of my bipolar.

 

[janemariesayed]

Forgive

Unfortunately yes... I have such low self esteem that I quickly forgive people in fear that they will leave my life . I feel that u am not good enough to have people love me. Why do we as anxiety suffer's have such lowith self esteem? I wish I had confidence and the will to stick up for myself. I feel so sucky right now. .. I suppose i'my in my depression stage of my bipolar.

You shouldn't let yourself think so low about yourself @Concernedgal You are lovely. You have been a wonderful friend and given me immense support on here. Think better of yourself because you are a good person. You have the right to be treated fairly as anyone else.

We have low self esteem because the depression and anxieties make us feel that way. We have to be strong and accept our illness and disabilities. But we don't have to let others walk all over us. If you haven't the will or the confidence to stick up for yourself, tell them you can't be bothered and walk away. That will drive anyone nuts as you are not arguing with them. It also gives you the upper hand.

 

[Concernedgal]

I understand walking away but, i'm tired of being the bigger person and not arguing. I keep it all inside and it just keeps building up and the more that comes... the more I stuff and one day i'm going to explode. And i'm going to probably have an epic nervous breakdown. I'm afraid if that too. I don't want to"snap". Lord ... please give me strength. I guess I just don't have it in me to hurt others.... even if they hurt me.

 

[janemariesayed]

That is one of the nice things about you. It is also a strength rather than a weakness. My brother is a bit difficult sometimes, but he means well. So I let the bad things go over my head. Years ago I would let it bottle up and then explode. Now, I tell my dogs about it. Or I cry or I rant and rave and cuss. I let it out. He may not hear me as I do it in private, but I let it out. Then I think to myself whats the other choice? Not having my bro in my life? Oh, no way! So if that means I've gotta be bigger than him then that is what I will be. I'm the better person for understanding and forgiving.

So try not to snap. Take a few minutes when you know you are alone and do some meditating. It is very easy to do and it will relax you. It will also help you to be compassionate in practical. It'll be good for your ticker too as it will bring about a steady strong heartbeat.

 

[Concernedgal]

Yesterday me and my husband were fighting and I was holding a drink and I just threw it across the room. I felt so much better after that. Just being able to throw a fit I guess helped tramenously. Still somewhat stress out though.

 

[misszerable]

Yesterday at church, the pastor asked those who have been hurt by someone to stand up. I did stand up. Then he led us to a prayer to release the anger and hurt in our hearts and to forgive the person who had wronged us so we can be free. I can't. I mean, I'm no longer mad at my ex but I don't want to cross paths with him and to even remember that he exists. I can't live with myself If I had to say I forgive him. He doesn't deserve it.

 

[Concernedgal]

As long as the pain persist, forgiveness cannot be done it just cant. You have to deal with resentment and yes... I do believe that you hate him but, don't be so hard on yourself. You shouldn't be pressured by society to do what they want you to do. So you go right ahead and not forgive him. Because if my husband and I ever get a divorce. .. I will definitely be in the same boat.

 

[janemariesayed]

Forgiveness can be done. Forgiveness is moving yourself away from the situation. It isn't staying in the situation or agreeing with it. Forgiveness is moving on and not letting something stay in your mind.

I have a problem forgiving my ex-wicked-step family. As well as my family. Since I've learned not to give the bad people my thoughts it has been a lot better but I still feel pain. Sometimes I wonder if forgiveness is really possible.

 

[Concernedgal]

I don't know if forgiveness is possible. We are we supposed to do? Deal with it forever while the party that wronged us gets the benifit of forgiveness? They can have a normal life again but, we cant? I just can't see myself doing that. That's just me though.

 

[janemariesayed]

I think that some people think that forgiveness is like saying to the person 'it's okay what you did, I don't mind,' or that we agree with the bad ways. They think that if we forgive them that it means they can carry on what they are doing wrong. Like we would put up with it so it doesn't matter.

But someone told me that wasn't forgiveness and that to forgive I didn't have to agree with them or keep myself in that situation. The thing is with me is that there are things in my life that have hurt me and caused me problems. So I am confused as to whether I forgive or not.

 

[Concernedgal]

Exactly. It is confusing. But, I suppose i'm just angry at the world. That guys recent suicide just reminded me that this kind of crap happens because our society dosent care enough about the mentally ill. The system fails us everyday when yet another unnecessary suicide i's done.

 

[janemariesayed]

There isn't enough help because authorities don't have a full understanding. They can understand a physical ailment and give sympathy for it. This is only because they can see it so they can then relate to it. These people in those kinds of positions don't have the same kind of mental illnesses as we on the other side do. Instead, they suffer from the mental illnesses of arrogance and selfishness and egotism. They won't be able to have an interest if they don't have an understanding of it.

It is such a shame that he died and it did upset me. It annoys me that he had so much going for him but for it to be thrown away because there is no help. People sadly feeling like that don't know which way to turn. My friend killed herself twenty odd years ago and I still miss her terribly. He deserved so much better. There should be more help for people to go to when they are feeling like that.