I have decided to join an anxiety forum to help me through my recovery and to also help others. I am hoping that I can find a good group of people here to talk to and with!
Just a little background on me. I suffered my first breakdown due to anxiety 7 years ago in my mid twenties and have had one other major breakdown since.
I knew I worried a lot as a kid. I used to worry about getting cancer and also about being drafted into the military during war time. Those were my two biggest fears but I grew up with little problems other than an occasional period of overblown worry. I am an introvert but I like people and really like to be with close friends and family.
My first breakdown was my worst. I ended up with clinical depression for the first time in my life and it really changed me forever. I had never felt hopelessness at that level before And had never understood what that was like till then.
I went to seek help and was diagnoised with GAD and depression. I was able to use medication and self help to get through it.
I went through a similar spell a few years ago when I was in a super stressful job and had just moved away from home for the first time. I ended up having to leave the position but it all work out.
Needless to say since these experiences rarely does a day go by that I don't think about them. But I honestly think in some ways they are blessing in disguise. I have made a lot of positive changes in my life since going through them. I started exercising daily and eating better and I am now at 185 lbs and falling, starting at an unhealthy 240 lbs (I am 5'7). And I have made big strides in my career. I moved to a big city and despite having a bad experience at first, I have adapted and found a much better job than I have ever had. Personally I got married since and have a great wife.
Had I never went through a breakdown I would probably be a middle aged man living at home with my mom, working crappy jobs, and playing video games constantly.
I still struggle with the ups and downs of anxiety and minor depression. I haven't truly accepted it yet. I find myself being overly optimistic every time I go through a good stretch, which just makes set backs a little harder to stomach.
I am doing well though, currently off all medications, and still making progress!
My next step that I want to do is cut out coffee from my diet. I have started to keep track of my cycles and what habits lead me back into bad anxiety spells and I have noticed that coffee seems to be a contributor. When I go through a bad spell I'll cut back to one cup a day (to avoid headaches) but as soon as I start feeling great again I'll go back to having two to three a day. On weekends I'll drink a whole pot throughout the day. While I know this isn't the cause of my anxiety I really think cutting it out will help me in accepting as my mind seems to race more with worry on days that I have too much. Racing negative thoughts are what pulls me back into my bad spells so I think eliminating coffee completely will prolong my good spells and help me cut off the bad ones once they start. I will do so well at acceptance until I have a day that my brain is going faster than I can keep up with (if you know what I mean) this typically happens to me at work after I have had my morning coffee or on weekend night when I can't sleep due to drinking too much.
I have already cut my consumption in half and I started feeling slightly depressed and moody as expected. So cold turkey is not going to be an option. I am slowing going to ween down and then substitue with other less caffienated drinks over the next month or two. Then stop caffeine completely in 3 or 4 months.
Anyone else out there find a huge benefit in cutting out caffeine? I think this might be a huge step in my recovery. I feel like I am so close to accepting but just need to find a way to slow my thinking down in moments that I get overwhelmed with worry.
Just a little background on me. I suffered my first breakdown due to anxiety 7 years ago in my mid twenties and have had one other major breakdown since.
I knew I worried a lot as a kid. I used to worry about getting cancer and also about being drafted into the military during war time. Those were my two biggest fears but I grew up with little problems other than an occasional period of overblown worry. I am an introvert but I like people and really like to be with close friends and family.
My first breakdown was my worst. I ended up with clinical depression for the first time in my life and it really changed me forever. I had never felt hopelessness at that level before And had never understood what that was like till then.
I went to seek help and was diagnoised with GAD and depression. I was able to use medication and self help to get through it.
I went through a similar spell a few years ago when I was in a super stressful job and had just moved away from home for the first time. I ended up having to leave the position but it all work out.
Needless to say since these experiences rarely does a day go by that I don't think about them. But I honestly think in some ways they are blessing in disguise. I have made a lot of positive changes in my life since going through them. I started exercising daily and eating better and I am now at 185 lbs and falling, starting at an unhealthy 240 lbs (I am 5'7). And I have made big strides in my career. I moved to a big city and despite having a bad experience at first, I have adapted and found a much better job than I have ever had. Personally I got married since and have a great wife.
Had I never went through a breakdown I would probably be a middle aged man living at home with my mom, working crappy jobs, and playing video games constantly.
I still struggle with the ups and downs of anxiety and minor depression. I haven't truly accepted it yet. I find myself being overly optimistic every time I go through a good stretch, which just makes set backs a little harder to stomach.
I am doing well though, currently off all medications, and still making progress!
My next step that I want to do is cut out coffee from my diet. I have started to keep track of my cycles and what habits lead me back into bad anxiety spells and I have noticed that coffee seems to be a contributor. When I go through a bad spell I'll cut back to one cup a day (to avoid headaches) but as soon as I start feeling great again I'll go back to having two to three a day. On weekends I'll drink a whole pot throughout the day. While I know this isn't the cause of my anxiety I really think cutting it out will help me in accepting as my mind seems to race more with worry on days that I have too much. Racing negative thoughts are what pulls me back into my bad spells so I think eliminating coffee completely will prolong my good spells and help me cut off the bad ones once they start. I will do so well at acceptance until I have a day that my brain is going faster than I can keep up with (if you know what I mean) this typically happens to me at work after I have had my morning coffee or on weekend night when I can't sleep due to drinking too much.
I have already cut my consumption in half and I started feeling slightly depressed and moody as expected. So cold turkey is not going to be an option. I am slowing going to ween down and then substitue with other less caffienated drinks over the next month or two. Then stop caffeine completely in 3 or 4 months.
Anyone else out there find a huge benefit in cutting out caffeine? I think this might be a huge step in my recovery. I feel like I am so close to accepting but just need to find a way to slow my thinking down in moments that I get overwhelmed with worry.
