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Cant stop thinking about this

Yagmur

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Today I did a basic mistake at work (which I dont usually work at this particular branch only for cover) theres nothing wrong with that.
So the manager here shes such a perfectionist and I am not used to the things she picks on. She told me to correct the mistake and said I know I can be a bit fussy, when she said that I told her in a joking way that you can be a bit over the top.
When I said that she told me that ‘its just common sense’, about the mistake I made. I felt hurt at that sentence but I couldn’t find anything to say so I just shut up but had a face on for a while. Since then I cant stop thinking about it, I’m keep thinking what I could of said back. But cant come up with anything. As much as it hurted me she was right. It seems she wasnt worried about it and was acting normal towards me.
Am I being too sensitive or is this normal in workplaces?
 

Phillies Phan

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It’s normal. Over the years I’ve learned not to try to say anything back that could be misinterpreted, when a boss or even a colleague says something negative, or even inappropriate.

Ill give you an example. For over a year my team worked totally from home due to the pandemic, so we just saw each other occasionally on camera. On the first day in the office I met a senior team member for the first time. The first thing she said to me? Gee Bob, you’re shorter than I imagined you’d be!

In my mind I thought, well you’re uglier than I thought you’d be! Be I just laughed and made a joke about my 5ft 6in stature. Just let the criticisms or smart ass remarks go unchallenged in the workplace.
 

E.B

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I have always had a massive problem with taking things very personal and ruminating on those things for a long time. I can understand getting upset. Just know this too shall pass and you will eventually get over it.
 

Yagmur

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It’s normal. Over the years I’ve learned not to try to say anything back that could be misinterpreted, when a boss or even a colleague says something negative, or even inappropriate.

Ill give you an example. For over a year my team worked totally from home due to the pandemic, so we just saw each other occasionally on camera. On the first day in the office I met a senior team member for the first time. The first thing she said to me? Gee Bob, you’re shorter than I imagined you’d be!

In my mind I thought, well you’re uglier than I thought you’d be! Be I just laughed and made a joke about my 5ft 6in stature. Just let the criticisms or smart ass remarks go unchallenged in the workplace.
Thanks for your comment yes you are definitely right. But I cant stop thinking what I could say back but cant find anything :) When I stay quite it makes me feel so bad I keep thinking That they will think I am scared of them and cant stand up for myself. For this reason In the past years I have always stayed away from people (to not get hurt) and suffered depression. Its been one year I started this job, I am happy but small stuff just affects me a lot. Do you think I will get used to it?
I have always had a massive problem with taking things very personal and ruminating on those things for a long time. I can understand getting upset. Just know this too shall pass and you will eventually get over it.
Thanks for your comment. I get over it eventually but then something else comes up.
When they said something offensive where you staying quite as well? In the moment I just freeze and cant speak.
 

Jonathan123

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Thanks for your comment yes you are definitely right. But I cant stop thinking what I could say back but cant find anything :) When I stay quite it makes me feel so bad I keep thinking That they will think I am scared of them and cant stand up for myself. For this reason In the past years I have always stayed away from people (to not get hurt) and suffered depression. Its been one year I started this job, I am happy but small stuff just affects me a lot. Do you think I will get used to it?

Thanks for your comment. I get over it eventually but then something else comes up.
When they said something offensive where you staying quite as well? In the moment I just freeze and cant speak.
Never let anyone put you down. Bullies are often found in the workplace, and they have to be stopped or it just goes on. Having said that, don't over react, and your reply to such people should be done calmly and without anger. But you need to make it obvious you will not put up with being got at. I doubt they will think you are weak and scared of them. Most such remarks are are off the cuff with no intention to upset anyone. But words can and do hurt. It's why we have to use them carefully. It's not a case of 'getting used to it'. No one should have to get used to being abused. Self esteem can take a hard knock in such circumstances. There are those who get their kicks out of putting others down. They usually are people with an inferiority complex themselves, and are assertive because they are trying to appear superior. In psychology it's called compensation. They compensate their weakness by trying to appear strong.
 

Yagmur

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Oh thanks a lot for your detailed answer.
So what can I say next time when someone says use your common sense cause I just couldn’t come up with anything.
I go to cover there once a week. I don’t think I would take it if it was everyday.
Thankfully my own manager is lovely.
 

Jonathan123

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You have to pluck up courage and respond with something like ' I am not the only one who lacks common sense'. Now this may lead to an argument, or bad feeling. Try not to let it go on in that way. Once you have said it let it go. If they respond with any more remarks then just ignore it. Make sure that what you are doing is done properly so they can have no reason to come back at you. You only have to stick it for one day, so take heart, because working with someone like that can be difficult for a sensitive person. 'Turning the other cheek' may be fine in theory but not practise. As I said before, a bully will always go on if allowed. They sense if someone is venerable and fasten on to that person. If there is a positive firm response they back off. Never argue with a bully, but be firm.
 

Yagmur

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You have to pluck up courage and respond with something like ' I am not the only one who lacks common sense'. Now this may lead to an argument, or bad feeling. Try not to let it go on in that way. Once you have said it let it go. If they respond with any more remarks then just ignore it. Make sure that what you are doing is done properly so they can have no reason to come back at you. You only have to stick it for one day, so take heart, because working with someone like that can be difficult for a sensitive person. 'Turning the other cheek' may be fine in theory but not practise. As I said before, a bully will always go on if allowed. They sense if someone is venerable and fasten on to that person. If there is a positive firm response they back off. Never argue with a bully, but be firm.
Yes you are absolutely right. Thanks a lot! :)
 
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