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lylacs

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Apr 24, 2019
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Hello all! My name is Lyla and I’m fairly new here, but forums have helped me a lot in the past. My anxiety has been getting bad lately and I’m trying to stop it in it’s tracks, so to speak. It’s easier said than done.

A little about me: I’m 24 years old, live on the east coast, Latina and proud, majored in social work, recently got promoted as a supervisor at a crisis center (the irony, I know!) and I’m very family-oriented. I’m fairly small in stature and body-time. I only bring this up in revelance because lately, especially in my new position, I struggle to find the respect I deserve. I’m working on self-image and self-help for myself. I work so much with helping others, it’s finally time I put my own words and advises into actions for me.

I’m fairly quiet. I’d label my self as an introvert if I have to. But once comfortable, I’m down to chat and joke and be my true self with my loved ones. I’m very open/strong-minded. And I wish I spoke out more. I always have so much to say - but lack the confidence to do so. I struggle with my self-esteem, insecurities, and self-doubt A LOT. I’ve grown a lot too. But I’m still trying to show the confidence I have gained over the years.

My [undiagnosed] anxiety symptoms present themselves as: short-term panic attacks where I lose my breath, memory issues where I can’t even remember what day of the month/week it is sometimes...time kind of just jumbles together for me, ‘the shakes’ where my body just starts shaking uncontrollably (usually right before a panic attack), overthinking, not being able to look at people in the eye, fidgeting a bit, waking up at 3 am, shortness of breath, knee/arm pain, a very home-bound comfort zone and some minor paranoia about my health

Lately, the knee pain and ‘the shakes’ have been happening more frequently than I’d like lately. The last time I was this bad, I was starting at the place of work where I’m supervisor now! This new job title is definitely a trigger as I’m overthinking and doubting myself more than ever before. I’m finally at the point where I am open to therapy and I’m browsing around local therapists for myself. I want to check-in mentally to take care of me so I can be the best me for others.

I’ll end this introduction with what I do to self-care and how I try and help myself through my anxieties: I join forums. It helps me in not feeling alone. I love researching (as triggering as it sometimes could be), I like knowing what is happening and why. Forums (and a mood track app I have) help me with that. I am so open to suggestions and advices from others going through anxiety. I keep a journal as well. During panic attacks I open the journal and start writing. It helps me ground myself a bit and focuses my mind and breath on the paper and pencil. Do the entries make sense? No. Are they sometimes just random words and scribbles? Yes. Does it look like a crazy person wrote them? Yes! And it’s all okay. Because in the moment, it helps. I also take time away from my job/anxiety through other people’s vibes. I surround myself with family and friends to distract me from my own issues. I like to escape in their lives or enjoy the presence of others to remind myself that it’s OKAY. Being around others, whether outside or in their homes, reminds me that there’s so much more to life than the chaos inside my head. I often need that reminder. I also “escape” in TV shows. I will often go on Netflix or YouTube and kind of lose myself in other character’s worlds for a bit to help me ease tensions of my own. I love dogs (don’t have one myself) but pictures of dogs and videos of dogs never fail to calm me. Candles are my new vice as well. Sleeping, is also #1 go-to remedy for me too. I love my sleep and if I have time to nap, I will! And it’s not in a “I want to disappear for a while I’m shutting off” type of way, but in a you know what? I’m going to nap and recharge for a bit. Music (and dancing in front of a mirror) also helps me too. Those are just a few of self-care I use.

During my shaking episodes, which don’t happen too often but they have happened more times that I’d like, I just let them pass. They usually last between 5-15 minutes. It’s usually in high stress situations. And always when I’m on my own. I shake a little when I’m nervous in public, but I somehow manage that a lot better than when I’m on my own and all hell breaks loose. I let myself shake for a bit and self-talk my way to calm down. They’ve usually happened at home lately. So I kind of lay down and hug a pillow. If that doesn’t work, I grab my journal. Once it passes, my anxieties and fears release tremendously. I feel a sudden ‘calm’ and maybe it’s because the fear of the uncontrollably shaking that gives me that ‘wake up call’ I need. However, if I can do WITHOUT these episodes, that would be great.

Anyway, that’s a little about me. It’s 4:30 am so I should head back to sleep. Writing this did help as I was on the verge of a shaking episode. Looking forward to checking in on here and being a part of this community. Thank you for reading.
 
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