Another long rant, sorry!- Issues with friends

[_Lukas]

So earlier tonight we decided to have an all-guys game night with our male friends, and it went south real quick...

We played a trivia game, and I teamed up with one of my best friends, who I think I've mentioned before (he's studying rocket science and wants to be an aerospace engineer at NASA).
For some reason that made everyone else really mad and salty. One of Dave's friends was like "You can't have the two smartest people in the room on the same team, that's totally unfair."
I'm not sure if calling me one of the "smartest people in the room" is a fair assessment tbh, but I do know a lot of random information and I usually win at trivia. When I was in college (undergrad) I always won the games at Trivia Night and I was kind of notorious for it. I'm not sure if I'm actually really all that smart or if I just retain information easily. I think I've mentioned before that I enjoy researching and studying.
Anyway, what happened after that was even worse- while we were picking teams, some of the guys were like "We should put Dave on Lukas's team because he's really dumb and that will cancel it out."
That is so freaking rude! I got really annoyed and told them that it was really uncalled for and that Dave isn't dumb. His feelings were very hurt too.
So to make a long story short, we ended up winning anyway, and that pissed everyone off, so they asked for a rematch to make sure it wasn't a fluke, and we still won. Some people were being really poor sports about losing so Dave made it worse by getting all amped up after we won and being like "Kiss my ass!"

Sometimes the games we play get really out of hand. Like one of the games we played was one where someone had to speak with a certain accent and the rest of us had to guess what the accent was... it got racist real fast. I expected better from our friends. Like I honestly do think there's a way to play a game like that without it turning into a display of cultural misappropriation. I'm also kind of annoyed with Dave because I expect much better from him and he was kind of encouraging it and some of the things he said were wildly inappropriate too. Sigh...
Another game we play a lot with our friends is one where we have to draw pictures and select a quote to go with them. This was the one that pissed me off the most because people were making really kind of effed-up gay jokes. Like, really? You're going to make gay jokes in a room where about half the people are gay? So insensitive. I'm gay and I sometimes think gay jokes are funny, but not when they're about AIDS and BDSM and sexual assault (which is what some of these jokes were about! Omg!!!)! It was even worse because the guys who made the jokes were straight too. Smh.
My poor little friend, the one who was the Kittybat for Halloween, ended up crying because he got triggered.
My rocket science friend is asexual, and he got really upset with the rest of us for making sexual jokes. I feel bad because I always forget that he doesn't like talking about sex, and Dave and I are pretty candid about sexual stuff so it comes up a lot when we're playing games or talking with a group of close friends. My friend doesn't get angry, but he gets very uncomfortable and sometimes has to leave the room, and I feel like I'm being insensitive and a bad friend. I just don't know if there's a way to avoid dirty jokes when you're in a room full of young men.

At one point, one of my friends took me aside and said something like "I can't believe you're actually marrying Dave, he's so temperamental!" That wasn't the first time one of my friends has said something like that about him, and it really bothers me when people I'm close to say things like that. I understand that Dave has way more personality than what the average person can deal with, and yes, he can be a bit temperamental, but it gets to me when my friends and family voice it to me.

I don't know what to do about our friends' behavior because I'm afraid they're going to be like this at our wedding. It's going to be even worse when they're all drunk, omg.
Any advice about how to deal with them going forward would be much appreciated.

 

[janemariesayed]

I understand how you must be feeling concerned about how your friends might behave at your wedding. Hopefully, they will be respectful of the occasion and keep their comments to themselves on this day.

The only thing I can suggest is to have a word with them beforehand and ask them to behave like adults on that day. There is often someone at a wedding party that says or does the wrong thing. When that has happened it is the one who has made the comments that get shunned and looked down upon. They are the ones who should feel ashamed, not you and Dave.

I don't think there is very much you can do about it, other than to stop them coming. If they or anyone causes a stink then all you and Dave can do is try your utmost to ignore it and don't let anything spoil your day.

As far as Dave's personality goes, it's none of anyone elses business. People have done this to me too, and in the end, I turned around and pointed out their faults to them and they shut up after that. In fact, if anyone ever insults you, just insult them back. If they say you've got a big nose, then tell them their breath smells or something. Something true has the better effect though. I'll give an example. My ex-hubs made fun of my teeth. No one ever has before but he made fun of them. Yet most of his teeth have been pulled out by the dentist because he's not looked after them. So my reply to him was, 'at least my teeth are all my own!' It made him shut up because all of his teeth are false. So best to pick on something that you know will get to them as much, or to just ignore them completely.

 

[_Lukas]

Thanks for the advice
Hopefully they'll behave themselves at the wedding. I'm hoping they know better.

People make fun of Dave's teeth all the time too, because he has a big gap between his front teeth. I think it's cute.
When people make fun of him about it, he points out that there was a trend recently with ads with models who had gaps between their front teeth so that means he's attractive and trendy.
My teeth aren't great, so I rarely smile with my mouth open.

I should think about using comebacks like that more often, like the next time someone calls me a pixie I should say something like "Well, at least I don't look like Shrek!" Lol.

 

[janemariesayed]

Thanks for the advice
Hopefully they'll behave themselves at the wedding. I'm hoping they know better.

People make fun of Dave's teeth all the time too, because he has a big gap between his front teeth. I think it's cute.
When people make fun of him about it, he points out that there was a trend recently with ads with models who had gaps between their front teeth so that means he's attractive and trendy.
My teeth aren't great, so I rarely smile with my mouth open.

I should think about using comebacks like that more often, like the next time someone calls me a pixie I should say something like "Well, at least I don't look like Shrek!" Lol.

Something sarcastic and funny will always win over the day. They realise they have said something wrong and actually think more of you for being light-hearted. Most people would then lay off the insults so I hope that is the way it works for you. You do come out with some funny comments. You make me laugh a lot!