What do you think triggered it? I know that you have been worried about your Mom and your partner.I'm back jumping from thing to thing again. Don't get me wrong I feel certain that I'm doomed and it's real this time, but I also know that if I'm right, it's a massive coincidence.
Well having a year and a half HA free was nice. I gotta get it together.
What did you do to come out of it last time? Probably it just went! Now that is not good enough, because when 'IT' comes back you are not prepared for it and so it throws you. If you practice acceptance and make it a gut reaction to any anxiety symptoms, then when it returns, as it often does in setbacks, you are ready for it. The old boy scout motto comes to mind. 'Be prepared'. Setbacks will often occur, but there is no need to walk around waiting for them to happen. Not everyone gets them. The only way to be prepared is to accept it all, yes setbacks and all, and not be thrown by symptoms. You are NOT doomed or in any way different to what you always were. Anxiety colours our thinking and our lives, but the old you is still there. Give it a chance by accepting it all without adding fear to fear, as you are doing.I'm back jumping from thing to thing again. Don't get me wrong I feel certain that I'm doomed and it's real this time, but I also know that if I'm right, it's a massive coincidence.
Well having a year and a half HA free was nice. I gotta get it together.
You start where you are now, not tomorrow but now. Try and accept it all. I know, I know, it's not easy by any means. Life throws some very nasty curves at us at times and the secret lies in seeing them for what they are, life experiences. As for being old at 40!! They say 'life begins at 40', and why? Because by then we should have gained all the experience we need to carry on into the second part of our lives. If we can change anything for the better, then we must do that. But if we can't then we need to accept it is so. Now you will be concerned, of course you will. but concern is different to worry. In concern we can see clearly and act accordingly. In worry we can't think logically and that causes anxiety. Concern is not fear based, worry is. I have talked before about a mouse in a maze. Desperately seeking a way out but not finding it. In anxiety we are often like that. Do the best you can in the circumstances. If someone says about me after I move on, 'well, he did his best', that will be enough.I'm not really sure what triggered it - I have a bad memory for the order things happen in, but I don't think it's JUST what's going on with them. That's definitely not helping though. Maybe it's just that I turn 40 next week and that's basically the rollover from "oh you're too young for that disease!" to "well, it's a possibility" for a lot of things. It's arbitrary, but I'm now medically middle-aged instead of "young" and that may take some dealing with. (Especially the inevitability of my own mortality, because even if I'm not sick now, I'm gonna die someday, somehow, and I gotta learn to be okay with that. When I was lower on anxiety, I would get upset if I thought I was sick, because I like being alive and I don't want that to end right now. But it was easy enough to think "Well, it would be a shame to die right now, but you've been lucky enough to live longer than a lot of people; it would be sad to die just now but not tragic." I'd like to get back there.)
Oh well. I'm in touch with my doctor about getting some imaging tests done (while my anxiety is a massive overreaction to things, the thing I'm concerned about is in fact THERE and even if I weren't in a doom spiral I'd be having a test done.) I HAVE to be due to talk to my psychiatrist soon. Hopefully she'll have some ideas.
My hope is of course that my partner will get the all-clear and my anxiety will subside, but that's not at all realistic. Can't wait for things to happen to me, gotta do something about them. I'm just not really sure where to start.