About me and maybe a Q&A....

[noideaforaname]

I should have done this earler today....

I discovered recently i have an account in this forum since 2018. I have been trying to find a good mental health forum fro me and SAF is the 4th forum i found and have an account in. I hope SAF is a good one for me.

I am 51m on the Right Coast of the USA. 15 years ago my body stopped making testosterone for me and anxiety and other things happened. 2 years ago my body developed disabilities.

Now i get into the Q&A section....
I would like it if any of you ask me questions, they are your choice to ask. I'm a dummy so my answers will be wrong if i even understand the questions. I want to steer this thread a little, so if any of you ask a question please ask at least 1 of them to be about me. Also if any of you want to answer questions asked in this thread, do it.

 

[Jonathan123]

So

I should have done this earler today....

I discovered recently i have an account in this forum since 2018. I have been trying to find a good mental health forum fro me and SAF is the 4th forum i found and have an account in. I hope SAF is a good one for me.

I am 51m on the Right Coast of the USA. 15 years ago my body stopped making testosterone for me and anxiety and other things happened. 2 years ago my body developed disabilities.

Now i get into the Q&A section....
I would like it if any of you ask me questions, they are your choice to ask. I'm a dummy so my answers will be wrong if i even understand the questions. I want to steer this thread a little, so if any of you ask a question please ask at least 1 of them to be about me. Also if any of you want to answer questions asked in this thread, do it.

So you are a dummy, so what is the point in talking to you? You are NOT a dummy so stop thinking you are. Self worth takes a hard knock in anxiety, and self esteem is so very necessary in life. Not the 'I am the greatest' type, that's arrogance, but a life led in humility and the awareness that we all have a story to tell and are all worthy of love and respect.
You say 'my body' a couple of times. So you have reached the wise conclusion that you are not your body. Far from it. It's the vehicle we have been given to travel through this life, so we have to look after it as we would any piece of machinery. It does break down now and then, mainly through abuse, but it has a built in safety mechanisms.
The only question I would ask is 'what are you doing about your anxiety'.

 

[noideaforaname]

The only question I would ask is 'what are you doing about your anxiety'.

i don't have anxiety anymore. About 6 months ago i started to notice things were changing with me. First thing is what i call re-remembering, my memories have been intense to a point i'm back living the memory and the smallest details are there, like clothes my people were wearing. I also have been feeling energetic and i've started excersizing. The doctor i have been going to, i asked to put a test in for testosterone. The test was/is a positive one.

15 years ago there were 2 tests and the 2nd one showed my body had almost no testosterone left. I never went on a booster because possible cancer might happen with them. So now i'm feeling almost living like i did 15+ years ago.

And maybe you call it arrogance or whatever you brainy people call it but i'm a dummy. I know i am dumb but it never bothered me, ooops... throughout anxious me time my stupidity was a concern and an excuse why i bailed out on certain things. Like trivia nights, the week before i met up with my friends for trivia and wouldn't go because i didn't understand the questions. And i had only tried to answer a few questions that i only got 1 correct answer on. My friends are intelligent not just smart.

And my body thing has been a more intense thing the past few months. I have always thought there were/are 3 different things in my life, my body, my brain and me. And it's not from a belief system or scientific things. Like before anxiety, i would be awake for 18 hours a day, work at least 1 job, play 2 different sports (hockey and volleyball) 5 days a week and go to a beach for bodyboarding or a swim. The beach thing happened whenever i could do it, most was early morning before work. Then my body stopped making testosterone and laziness and anxiety happened. Taking over my life... brain did that, it was tired and thinks it's smarter then us.... hahaha...

Now for some reason my body is making man juice again and me and my body are connecting again, brain has tried to stop or slow us down and hopefully won't succeed again, it took 35 years the 1st time, so we are trying to take advantage...

And there are plenty of reasons to talk with a dummy like me. You can have a good laugh. You could try to teach us something. And you can feel better about yourself and the choices you made in your life. I'm sure the brainy people like yourself can come up with some more...

In the future thinking Country on it's Right Coast it's now 8:45 so have a good day...

 

[Jonathan123]

I am glad to hear you no longer have anxiety. What a blessing. But why do you keep insisting in being called a dummy? You will always be one if you go on thinking like that.
You write a perfectly normal and informative post then call yourself a dummy.
You are what you think you are. So many, (not you it seems), suffer from PLOMS disease.
'Poor Little Old Me'. Self pity in anxiety is a very negative thing and helps not one bit.
Good luck to you, and may your recovery continue.

 

[noideaforaname]

Thanks @Jonathan123

30+ years ago i spent 3 of 4 years of vo-tech (it's a high school that teaches trades like auto repair, cooking and others that kids spend half the school day learning/training to do) in summer school. A kind of punishment to kids for failing a class. HS/Vo-Tech is 1314 year old kids to 17/18, freshman, then sophmore, junior and senior. Summer school was/is about a 2 month long "punishment" similar to regular classes but kids just take the class or classes they failed at or missed too many days of. 3 years, math was 1 class i had to go for all 3 yearsand try to get smarter at, 1 year was history was another class and senior year gym class was added to my math learning. Gym class for me/other kids in the school was different sports we played or working out if they wanted to.

I became a bum (homeless) in my 20s for about 8 months. I lived out of a car i had for 2+ years and never made more than minimum wage most of my working life or i was never able to save money, and i almost became a bum during my 2 month hospital vacation and may become a bum again within a year or so. Because my people i'm renting a room from have been looking to move far away, at least a day drive away, i can't safely drive, yet and i had to be moved into their house 3+ hours away from my homeland...