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A second cry for help.

bigjetplane6

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Aug 28, 2020
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Can I vent?
It’s midnight and i’m going through a HA episode. Have been for the past week.
I feel restless, I am mentally tired, I feel hopeless, I feel sad, I feel guilty.
I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to run.
Run away from all of this.
Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I live a normal life? Why does my mind have to be wired this way?
I feel guilt. And a lot.
My husband doesn’t get me. He asks why I’m always on my phone. No hun, i’m not cheating. I’m hooked on Google looking up symptoms. Finding cancers I didn’t even know existed and matching all the signs and symptoms to what I have.
I have so much guilt. I can’t be the perfect mother my daughter needs because of this stupid HA. I hope my baby can forgive me. Because she deserves the world.
F U HEALTH ANXIETY.
 

Ms.Honey

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I completely relate to your post. My husband doesn’t get it, I worry my kids will end up like me, or that they are suffering because of me always feeling sick.
I’m ok right now.. but I always know it’ll be back soon. Like I’m just always in limbo waiting for it..

You have to stop googling. It makes it a thousand times worse, you really need to stop.
 

Bobnnat

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Sorry you’re going thru this Jet. Sadly, your emotions and actions are typical to mine during an episode. My wife gets angry at me. No compassion. My 9 year old daughter has had an uptick in anxiety since COVID started and schools shut down. Her anxiety includes occasional HA and I worry that I’m a cause of that. I just hope that she feels better now that full time school is starting up. Here in Ontario, it’s 5 days a week in school although about 15% of kids are electing to have remote learning.

Like Ms. Honey, when I’m feeling OK mentally it’s tempered by the knowledge that at any moment, the HA can flare up again. Wish I had suggestions, but it’s the blind leading the blind.
 

suzzeeb

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Oh my gosh I so relate. I am smack dab in the middle of an episode myself. Have had such little sleep in the last week - finally slept last night which is wonderful but still got up feeling shaky and sad that I have to be like this.

My husband gets super quiet and goes and does his own thing. I think he wants to fix it and the he can't he gets "frustrated" which feels more like anger to me. He's tired of it. I don't blame him. It's not a normal life. At the same time it almost makes me feel like it's my fault and it puts more pressure on me to try to figure it out, like I'm not doing enough to get better. Many times I would rather be living by myself so I don't have the added pressure of trying to make him happy while I'm struggling. I would like to be able to just be alone during my bad days so I could do whatever I wanted until it passes instead of having to force myself to do all of the chores and cooking and cleaning and everything else when I feel like I really can't.
 

VNT89

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Dont beat yourself up about it too much. I’ve done alot of thinking about it too, why cant i be normal, why do i obsess every waking moment of my life, i’m going to fail at this fail at that, i’m a weirdo, etc etc but you’re not, we all feel the same way sometimes and it’s important to remember you will beat this to a point where you rarely notice it.

life can be stressful and very demanding, it will cause the best of people of worry doubt our own strength and that worry manifests itself it terms of our health for us,

you will have episodes where it will get to the point where you cannot perceive how you can get through it, but you will, you will overcome most of these HA symptoms and endless dwelling on things.
Never google ****, its a vicious rabbit hole, you dont want to go down. Stick to the forum, and remind yourself to take a breath step back and remind yourself , there is nothing wrong, its just in your head.
 

bigjetplane6

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Dont beat yourself up about it too much. I’ve done alot of thinking about it too, why cant i be normal, why do i obsess every waking moment of my life, i’m going to fail at this fail at that, i’m a weirdo, etc etc but you’re not, we all feel the same way sometimes and it’s important to remember you will beat this to a point where you rarely notice it.

life can be stressful and very demanding, it will cause the best of people of worry doubt our own strength and that worry manifests itself it terms of our health for us,

you will have episodes where it will get to the point where you cannot perceive how you can get through it, but you will, you will overcome most of these HA symptoms and endless dwelling on things.
Never google ****, its a vicious rabbit hole, you dont want to go down. Stick to the forum, and remind yourself to take a breath step back and remind yourself , there is nothing wrong, its just in your head.
The thing is it’s not in my head because i can physically see what’s going on in my body. TMI hope not, don’t know your gender, but i’m going through color changes of the genital area and i’m sure i have the vulvar cancer. i can’t stop crying about it.
 

PositiveVibes

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Sep 11, 2020
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Can I vent?
It’s midnight and i’m going through a HA episode. Have been for the past week.
I feel restless, I am mentally tired, I feel hopeless, I feel sad, I feel guilty.
I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to run.
Run away from all of this.
Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I live a normal life? Why does my mind have to be wired this way?
I feel guilt. And a lot.
My husband doesn’t get me. He asks why I’m always on my phone. No hun, i’m not cheating. I’m hooked on Google looking up symptoms. Finding cancers I didn’t even know existed and matching all the signs and symptoms to what I have.
I have so much guilt. I can’t be the perfect mother my daughter needs because of this stupid HA. I hope my baby can forgive me. Because she deserves the world.
F U HEALTH ANXIETY.
Damns I definitely feel your pain. Often times I feel guilt too. I’ve been out of work 10 month dude to my anxiety and I just feel so bad that I can’t help my wife the way I want to I feel bad that I can’t hold down a job because if I get anxiety and freak out at work I don’t wanna go it’s like it’s ptsd or something but I totally understand where your coming from all the guilt and self diagnose we need to stay away from that even people without anxiety self diagnose I’m starting to think that might be a normal thing to do. I hope you get better tho with time I k it will it might not be 100% better but it will get better when my anxiety hit me last year it was the worse I had ever experienced because I was my first time experiencing so many panic attacks because the wheel it got to the point where I would get super nervous before I would leave the house that my stomach would be twisting and turning and was shaking and everything turning to hurry up and get back home not really wanting to drive with my kids in the car because I didn’t want them to witness it. But this year I’m still pretty anxious but not as much I see an improvement. I just hope time will pass for you. Keep your head up
 

Danny1001

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May 9, 2020
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Hey jet I feel your pain, when i get in that spiral it’s game over for me. I can become a basket case believe me no one will understand. Health anxiety turned me into an alcoholic because that was the only way to function. I’m getting help for that now but the anxiety remains. Unexplainable symptoms drive me crazy. Hang in there

Hey bobnnat I’m from. Ontario too nice to see someone on here from where I live

Stay strong

Daniel


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

mimifourtimes

New Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
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Can I vent?
It’s midnight and i’m going through a HA episode. Have been for the past week.
I feel restless, I am mentally tired, I feel hopeless, I feel sad, I feel guilty.
I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to run.
Run away from all of this.
Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I live a normal life? Why does my mind have to be wired this way?
I feel guilt. And a lot.
My husband doesn’t get me. He asks why I’m always on my phone. No hun, i’m not cheating. I’m hooked on Google looking up symptoms. Finding cancers I didn’t even know existed and matching all the signs and symptoms to what I have.
I have so much guilt. I can’t be the perfect mother my daughter needs because of this stupid HA. I hope my baby can forgive me. Because she deserves the world.
F U HEALTH ANXIETY.
Yes you can vent.
I am so sorry you are going through right now. I hear you. I feel you. I used to cry. I used to scream. I no longer want to run. You can be normal. You can live a normal life. Your mind is wired because you have an anxiety issue as someone who has a heart disease or cancer issue. It's an illness. Yes it is horrible when you don't have an empathetic support group. They don't get it because they don't see it. So you suffer alone.
You are the perfect mother that your daughter needs. Right now she's a baby and you have an opportunity for her to never feel the perils of HA. It will not be easy. But you can do it. Anxiety only has power when we give it power. Since there is never any quick and easy fixes for getting emotionally healthy, we do know that guilt has no place here. Rewrite your narrative. Tell yourself a new story. We are creatures of habit. Change is uncomfortable. At least at first. Realize that letting go of your guilt is a daily routine. Embrace these days with growth. As you grow, anxiety will lessen. For me, it never goes away, I just choose how I respond to it. You can too.
 
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