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I think my classmates can't stand me (Not just in high school)

Anonymous_12343

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I feel so awful. I think my classmates can't stand me...
They look at me as if I'm an outcast, or as if I'm stupid. I don't feel like I fit in this class. But it's not just this classroom. It's always been like this, since primary school. I hate this. I hate the fact that I can't just be like them. I wanna be comfortable, be a pleasurable person. But it looks like I just annoy everyone. And I can't stand it. It's always the same: if I behave like them or if I just be myself. It's always the same result. I feel like crying every time I go to school. I don't wanna be alone anymore. My seatmates sometimes move away from the seat next to me when there's another one free. I mean... it's ok, I don't wanna force them to stay near me but...it hurts to see people trying to avoid you.
I feel guilty writing here because I know I bother by writing this much, but I don't have anyone to express these feelings to and I bottled this up since I was eight, so I'm just sick of it and need somewhere to just vomit all my feelings and struggles.
 

MATD

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Ok, you are over reacting. First of all, you are assuming what someone else is thinking. In my previous response I addressed this. One cannot possibly know what others are thinking. What you are assuming is strictly on you, no one else. It is a reflection of your own feelings about yourself. If a person goes around with a glum look on their face and never reaches out to anyone, just saying “hi! How are you?” for example, what do you think it reflects on that person? Others see it as a deterrent to being able to reach out in return. In other words, you receive what you give. If you want to overcome this, you and you alone must reach out first, with no expectations. You have already created a persona that your classmates have come to expect from you. So you must be the one to make the effort first. Simple things like smiling at someone, saying hi, asking about an assignment can go a long way in breaking the ice. The world is not against you, it’s your own feelings of being inadequate that is the problem. Life is filled with ups and downs, hurts and pleasures. In order to be happy and at peace with ourselves, we must learn to deal with it all in a positive way. If you want to feel better, you must put yourself out there and learn to be positive. Right now you don’t feel it, but you must try despite how you feel. And be prepared to keep on trying regardless of success or failure. It ‘s not about whether you failed or succeeded, but it’s about the effort you put into it. That’s what builds confidence.
 

PieFan

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I feel guilty writing here because I know I bother by writing this much, but I don't have anyone to express these feelings to and I bottled this up since I was eight, so I'm just sick of it and need somewhere to just vomit all my feelings and struggles.
Put your feelings here whenever you need to. Everyone needs an outlet, a safe place to vent. I used to write poetry when I was a teenager, I still have some of it, one time I submitted a poem for classwork and the teacher wrote 21/20! for my grade. Much to the amusement of my classmates, who didn't get it, it just looked like jumbled words to them apparently. I never really fitted in but I didn't really care either, I got along with people okay on a superficial level, and books were my friends, I spent a lot of time reading.

I could never talk to my parents then either, but fortunately there were other adults who cared about me, and I loved writing and making music and painting and they encouraged me in positive activities. I got close to my dad years later, we could talk about anything then! I wished I'd tried harder when I was younger then. Give your parents a chance.

I was travelling to London to visit my aunt when I was 16 and met a friendly elderly couple on a bus, the man died not long after but I was friends with the woman for years. My sister said 'who makes friends with an old woman?' but I didn't care, she listened to me and encouraged me and it was better than the drinking and smoking and high-drama relationships that my peers were doing. I had another aunt who was a big influence, she would say 'think for yourself, don't be a sheep!' So I kind-of knew it was okay just being myself. And I went to church too, which I did not understand or connect to many people, but I saw people doing kind things and helping others, and that's always a good thing to do, I started volunteering for different things and that's a great way to be involved in community and meet good people.

Life gets better, teens is a tough time for lots of people. Sending you a huge hug.
 

MATD

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Yes, maybe I should talk to my.parents
The sooner, the better. PieFan’s response to you is real and it indicates what I was trying to convey to you. Enjoy, embrace who you are, it’s what makes you unique, it sets you apart from any other person. On the other side of your quandary, it’s nice to have friends. And while you think you are unliked, it’s probably just that you are afraid to reach out. But you know what? There are more young people out there that are just as afraid as you are. But if you want to have friends, you have to reach out. That being said, there are those that may cause you hurt. But those who do have mental problems themselves. They don’t know how to treat people. And that’s sad but it does not mean there is something wrong with you. I want you to remember that. And one more thing, you treat everyone, as best you can, exactly how you want to be treated. That’s the best you can do and it’s good enough. You don’t have to be the life of the party or the most popular girl, just being yourself is good enough. Remember that too.
 

Jonathan123

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My goodness!! What lovely sensible replies. When we have doubts about this site it is worth reading some of the responses from those who care. I am sure you have helped Anonymous. She should read all the posts carefully and think about what has been said.
 

shay1988

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Hello, I have been in this same position before, but when I actually tried and started just talking to some people they opened up to me and later on I found out the only reason they avoided me was cause they thought I didn't want to be bothered and that I was kinda stuck up. Lol but I wasn't I just was shy and didn't want to talk to anyone first. After that I made all the friends I wanted to. I was more open minded and put myself out there more. Don't look down on yourself like u are. How can anyone like you if you don't even like yourself? Give yourself more confidence and get out there. Start slow with a topic of class work or even saying hello. Your going to be ok life has these ups and downs. U will figure it out.
 

Cuchculan

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I feel a sense of paranoia going on here. Thinking people dislike you. Thinking people think various things about you. When none of it is probably even happening. Because of all of this you hate school. Hate being in the place. Hate exams. Feel distant during your oral exam in another post. The mind is somewhere else. Other than at school.
 
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