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Anxiety/depression symptoms constantly evolving

Joe diesel 09

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Hello. Anybody get to where you dont like being around people? Ive gotten to where i am much better totally alone. I work alone. Im a self employed diesel mechanic and often times when called to a breakdown, the customer wants to hang around and i find myself getting angry and anxious. Ive even started hiding my truck at my shop around back and leaving the front doors closed hoping people wont stop. I dont mind texting people, and most people today communicate through text but i do take calls and despise that as much as in person. Why? I used to love people. In my shop i want to be left alone. My middle boy moved to another town. We communicate often and on occasion he stops by for one thing or another and i even catch myself getting irritated with this! Its my kid whom i love with my whole heart! My wife stops by, she sits at the desk on her phone, she just wants to be near me, it helps her anxiety to be in my immediate vicinity she is a very loving wife, but i catch myself getting irritated with this too! Am i goin plum crazy? These are people i love.
 

Cuchculan

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i think there are times we become set in our ways. As in whatever it takes to get by each day. That might come across as cold to some people. But with anxiety it can be about survival. That is how the mind views it all. What do I need to do to get through this day? What works best for me? With you it seems to be that been alone is the answer. Which can be hard when you have a family. Might I suggest you try and explain it to the your wife. That it is not that you don't love her and don't like to see her, but with your anxiety, been alone at certain times is what seems to be working best for you. I am not saying that been alone is the answer. Far from it. That is never going to solve anything. This is were you meet other family members halfway. Set aside time for the family. During which time you will try and forget about your problems and just be there with your family. Just so you don't fall into that trap of pushing them further away. So they allow you space when you need it. Especially at work. But you make time for them too. Is kind of give and take. Try and find something that works for all of you.
 

Joe diesel 09

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They pretty much understand that i need to be alone at times. But i dont! Why wouldnt i want to be around these people i love? I get so irritated with myself for feeling this way. I dont get to see my boy as much as i used to. I should b happy when he stops by. Shouldnt i? I love him with my whole heart. Ive got to get a handle on this. Makes me feel nuts. I work, go home dog tired, play my bass until i fall asleep. Get up the next morning and repeat. We used to go fishin after work, jam together, wrench on a hot rod or somethin. Now i do nothin but work and feel irritated in the company of others. If i show up on a job and the customer wants to hang around my anxiety creeps in, if no one is there im just fine. Ive got a big job comin up this week where i will b working for an undetermined length of time and i will b with several others. I dread it. I sure need to fix this about myself
 

Cuchculan

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That is why I say to make that time for them. So you have your alone time. Plus you have your family time. Depression can make anybody want to be alone. That is the nature of the beast. I did say don't isolate yourself too much. Because I know that can be bad. And to talk with your wife about how you are feeling. Might be able to sort things out. Just be having a conversation about it all.
 
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