Ya know, it’s not even the attacks that bother me...

[BrokenArrow]

When I have a panic attack I have been doing this long enough that I can usually breathe threw it or atleast keep myself somewhat in check while it happens.

the worst is just the day to day struggles. I constantly have a headache. I constantly have tight shoulder and back muscles. I constantly have an upset stomach. I constantly fear the worst. Not only for myself but for my family.

the hardest part is probably worrying about my kids and my wife. If they so much as cough I’m convinced theyre dying or have some serious illness. I call my wife probably 20+ times a day while I’m at work just to make sure shes ok. I check on my kids 10+ times a night while they sleep. It just gets to be so tolling.

I lost my father in his sleep. I said good night to him. He went in his room. My son went in with him because he always loved to sleep with his grandpa. He was 2 at that time. The next morning I went in to offer my dad some coffee and there is my 2 year old laying next to my father that had passed away in the night. It messed me up good. That was 3 years ago and I am still terrified to let anyone in my house go to bed because I’m afraid they won’t wake up.

tried therapy. Didn’t help. Tried meds. Felt like a zombie and took myself off. I just need a break from being inside my mind. Ugh.

 

[TruthHurts]

When I have a panic attack I have been doing this long enough that I can usually breathe threw it or atleast keep myself somewhat in check while it happens.

the worst is just the day to day struggles. I constantly have a headache. I constantly have tight shoulder and back muscles. I constantly have an upset stomach. I constantly fear the worst. Not only for myself but for my family.

the hardest part is probably worrying about my kids and my wife. If they so much as cough I’m convinced theyre dying or have some serious illness. I call my wife probably 20+ times a day while I’m at work just to make sure shes ok. I check on my kids 10+ times a night while they sleep. It just gets to be so tolling.

I lost my father in his sleep. I said good night to him. He went in his room. My son went in with him because he always loved to sleep with his grandpa. He was 2 at that time. The next morning I went in to offer my dad some coffee and there is my 2 year old laying next to my father that had passed away in the night. It messed me up good. That was 3 years ago and I am still terrified to let anyone in my house go to bed because I’m afraid they won’t wake up.

tried therapy. Didn’t help. Tried meds. Felt like a zombie and took myself off. I just need a break from being inside my mind. Ugh.

In 1993 when I was 13 I shared a combining room with my grandpa. I was in his room watching Cheers while he laid in bed I remember telling him I was going to bed and asking him to turn the tv off. Not to long after I was in my room and I heard him snoring really loud so I went in to wake him up and tell him I couldn't sleep because he was snoring so loud. He wouldn't wake up i freaked out and ran to my moms bedroom she had a room upstairs. I told her he wouldn't wake up she came down and said his name and shook him his eye opened and rolled she said he's awake I screamed no he isn't. We called a ambulance they took him to the hospital when we got to the hospital the doctor wanted to take us into a room to talk. He told us that my grandpa the man I was named after had died. It really messed me up.

 

[JustMe]

When I have a panic attack I have been doing this long enough that I can usually breathe threw it or atleast keep myself somewhat in check while it happens.

the worst is just the day to day struggles. I constantly have a headache. I constantly have tight shoulder and back muscles. I constantly have an upset stomach. I constantly fear the worst. Not only for myself but for my family.

the hardest part is probably worrying about my kids and my wife. If they so much as cough I’m convinced theyre dying or have some serious illness. I call my wife probably 20+ times a day while I’m at work just to make sure shes ok. I check on my kids 10+ times a night while they sleep. It just gets to be so tolling.

I lost my father in his sleep. I said good night to him. He went in his room. My son went in with him because he always loved to sleep with his grandpa. He was 2 at that time. The next morning I went in to offer my dad some coffee and there is my 2 year old laying next to my father that had passed away in the night. It messed me up good. That was 3 years ago and I am still terrified to let anyone in my house go to bed because I’m afraid they won’t wake up.

tried therapy. Didn’t help. Tried meds. Felt like a zombie and took myself off. I just need a break from being inside my mind. Ugh.

I could imagine what distress that could cause! I think it's something time, meditation and possibly therapy will make better. I myself haven't good a great therapist but I'm not against it. I refuse to take meds because it's bad enough that my anxiety robs most of my waking hours but ai don't want to ever feel like a zombie again. I want to remember what it is like raising my kids not have it all a blur do to meds. (That's how my youth was thanks to anxiety meds) I haven't personally done this but "The Anxiety Guy" has a very good program i think it's all online/downloadable I think there is even the option for one on one type stuff I believe. But this really has be a change in your mindset and I believe journaling and meditation can be very powerful to overcome this! Are you religious at all?

 

[Misfits_Yoga]

When I have a panic attack I have been doing this long enough that I can usually breathe threw it or atleast keep myself somewhat in check while it happens.

the worst is just the day to day struggles. I constantly have a headache. I constantly have tight shoulder and back muscles. I constantly have an upset stomach. I constantly fear the worst. Not only for myself but for my family.

the hardest part is probably worrying about my kids and my wife. If they so much as cough I’m convinced theyre dying or have some serious illness. I call my wife probably 20+ times a day while I’m at work just to make sure shes ok. I check on my kids 10+ times a night while they sleep. It just gets to be so tolling.

I lost my father in his sleep. I said good night to him. He went in his room. My son went in with him because he always loved to sleep with his grandpa. He was 2 at that time. The next morning I went in to offer my dad some coffee and there is my 2 year old laying next to my father that had passed away in the night. It messed me up good. That was 3 years ago and I am still terrified to let anyone in my house go to bed because I’m afraid they won’t wake up.

tried therapy. Didn’t help. Tried meds. Felt like a zombie and took myself off. I just need a break from being inside my mind. Ugh.

What a scary story, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I understand what it feels like to have a lot of compulsive thoughts and to feel the need to act on them. Though therapy can be really helpful, it’s good to integrate with the body as well. Meaning, trauma crops up in the mind but ALSO in the body. So if you can find a physical activity that helps you process, that can be really helpful. Do you have any movement practices you enjoy?
Also what JustMe said about meditation and journaling is true too. These are all great processing tools. Yoga Nidra I’ve found can be an incredible way to dive into the subconscious and allow ourselves to process and heal. Deep states of non-sleeping relaxation are incredibly important to mental health. It’s the type of renewal that we can’t get from regular sleep. You might try that or restorative yoga, which is very different but offers a similar space of healing. I hope that helps. I wish you all the luck. Do your best to speak to yourself kindly as it can take a long time to move through such intense amounts of pain.

 

[bin_tenn]

I kind of feel the same way to an extent, that the attacks themselves don't bother me. It's the constant reminder that I have anxiety / panic disorder that gets to me sometimes. I can't go a single day without some sort of intrusive thought or anxious behavior. Granted, I know it's not as bad as it's been before, and not as bad as so many others have it, but it still sucks.

 

[bigjetplane6]

My heart aches with you.