Worried...

[_Lukas]

After getting in some fights with my fiance (and working everything out and making things okay again between us) I found out that he's stressed out because of his job and that was partly what was causing the tension between us.
It turns out that he's being bullied at work
He's a makeup artist, and he has a coworker who's very homophobic, and has been harassing him in the workplace. This person makes a lot of rude comments to him and directed at him, constantly yells at him and tries to tell him how to do his job even though he is a higher rank than they are and has been there much longer, and every time he makes a mistake this person goes to his manager and snitches on him. It's making this job a living hell for him.
I want to help him but I don't know what to do, since I don't work in the same place as him and I can't confront this person myself.
I'm very worried because the stress is really getting to him. He isn't himself at all.
Does anyone have any advice?

 

[janemariesayed]

After getting in some fights with my fiance (and working everything out and making things okay again between us) I found out that he's stressed out because of his job and that was partly what was causing the tension between us.
It turns out that he's being bullied at work
He's a makeup artist, and he has a coworker who's very homophobic, and has been harassing him in the workplace. This person makes a lot of rude comments to him and directed at him, constantly yells at him and tries to tell him how to do his job even though he is a higher rank than they are and has been there much longer, and every time he makes a mistake this person goes to his manager and snitches on him. It's making this job a living hell for him.
I want to help him but I don't know what to do, since I don't work in the same place as him and I can't confront this person myself.
I'm very worried because the stress is really getting to him. He isn't himself at all.
Does anyone have any advice?

The poor man having to go through that is horrible. No wonder he has been like a bear with a sore head! Good for you for giving him understanding and love to help support him through this.

I think he needs to have a talk with whoever is in charge. This kind of bullying shouldn't be accepted in the workplace. At the same time he can try to ensure that he does his job as well as he can, and if he is finding something difficult to do at work, then to ask someone to help him to learn to do it properly. Perhaps he can have a talk with the manager? Or the one who is ranked above the manager?

 

[_Lukas]

The poor man having to go through that is horrible. No wonder he has been like a bear with a sore head! Good for you for giving him understanding and love to help support him through this.

I think he needs to have a talk with whoever is in charge. This kind of bullying shouldn't be accepted in the workplace. At the same time he can try to ensure that he does his job as well as he can, and if he is finding something difficult to do at work, then to ask someone to help him to learn to do it properly. Perhaps he can have a talk with the manager? Or the one who is ranked above the manager?

Yeah, I feel so bad for him I don't blame him for having been so irritable!
I agree, I think he should talk to his manager, or even his manager's boss. Part of the issue is that everyone in his workplace is female and some of them haven't taken too kindly to having a man in this line of work. I've had to deal with the same thing at my job. When I was younger I was considering becoming a hairdresser, and now that I know what he has to put up with as a makeup artist, I'm so glad I changed my mind!
I'll have another talk with him and tell him I think he should talk to the people in charge. It's pretty unacceptable for this kind of thing to be going on in any workplace.

 

[janemariesayed]

Yeah, I feel so bad for him I don't blame him for having been so irritable!
I agree, I think he should talk to his manager, or even his manager's boss. Part of the issue is that everyone in his workplace is female and some of them haven't taken too kindly to having a man in this line of work. I've had to deal with the same thing at my job. When I was younger I was considering becoming a hairdresser, and now that I know what he has to put up with as a makeup artist, I'm so glad I changed my mind!
I'll have another talk with him and tell him I think he should talk to the people in charge. It's pretty unacceptable for this kind of thing to be going on in any workplace.

Yeah, too right it's unacceptable. Especially in this day and age. Marriages have been made legal in many countries and it is wrong to have this stigma on anything. Whatever anyone thinks about any given subject should give compassion and respect. It may be the only way forward for him.

Okay if he is making the odd mistake at work, he is human and we all make mistakes. But telling tall stories to snitch on someone just because you don't like them is very wrong indeed.

He could always go down a legal route too? For making his life a living hell. If it isn't against any law, it surely must be against Gods law.

Men and women are doing all types of work nowadays. That shouldn't even be an issue. His boss may not realise how he is being treated and the tension he is going through at work and he really should know about it.

 

[_Lukas]

I agree completely. I had a talk with him after work today and he said he's going to tell his boss. Hopefully she listens to him and understands. I hope this person gets fired, because what she's doing is harassment and there's no place for that in any workplace.
Unfortunately, certain States in the USA are trying to overturn the laws against LGBTQ+ discrimination at work So in certain places you can literally get fired for being gay. Wtf.
I don't pay a whole lot of attention to the news admittedly, because I find it depressing, so I'm not sure if those laws were overturned in Massachusetts (where we live) but that would certainly be horrible if that were the case. This is why I always say we should just move to Vermont.

 

[janemariesayed]

I agree completely. I had a talk with him after work today and he said he's going to tell his boss. Hopefully she listens to him and understands. I hope this person gets fired, because what she's doing is harassment and there's no place for that in any workplace.
Unfortunately, certain States in the USA are trying to overturn the laws against LGBTQ+ discrimination at work So in certain places you can literally get fired for being gay. Wtf.
I don't pay a whole lot of attention to the news admittedly, because I find it depressing, so I'm not sure if those laws were overturned in Massachusetts (where we live) but that would certainly be horrible if that were the case. This is why I always say we should just move to Vermont.

Perhaps you should both move to Vermont if it will be an easier life for you. Shamefully people are still in the dark ages instead of embracing change. I actually love the news. It is like a world soap opera! Always changing and never knowing what is going to happen next. I watch it every day.

How about emailing a lawyer who specialises in workplace law? He may be able to advise what you can do legally in your town?

I wish your fiance all the luck in the world to sort this problem out. Let me know how it goes.

 

[Rinka]

Did the USA sign the international human rights act? If so then the USA has to prevent any form of discrimination. But I’m not sure if they did.

 

[_Lukas]

I'm not sure, as I said, I don't watch the news very much so I'll have to Google and see if they signed it. I hope so.

 

[janemariesayed]

According to Wikki it depends on what state you are in. I seems something was signed but not everything was agreed upon.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_the_United_States#Anti-discrimination_laws

"QUOTE" However, the United States has no federal law outlawing discrimination nationwide, leaving residents in some states without protection from discrimination,

 

[_Lukas]

Thanks for the info, it seems that Massachusetts is still safe. Hopefully that doesn't change anytime soon.

 

[janemariesayed]

Thanks for the info, it seems that Massachusetts is still safe. Hopefully that doesn't change anytime soon.

Good! I am pleased with that. It is only a matter of time before it is more readily accepted. Or you could always move to an area where it is more accepted. It's up to you, you have many options and moving area is something that you and your fiance have got to agree on. It could be quite fun, I can see you both now. Lazing together on the couch in front of the TV and looking at images of other towns on a laptop. Don't rush into moving but it is always an option. When I moved I went and had a few weekends away in a B&B so I could get a feel for the area. I'd visit the pub, the post office and the local shop and mystery shop each one. I found a lovely house when I did that before. What I'm saying is, that you've got your whole lives together and the home you are in now probably won't be your last. You said that you both want kids, so at least you will want to get a bigger place maybe and think about where they will go to school. But all the same, Massachusetts will stay safe and become much more tolerable yet. So if you really like it where you are now there shouldn't be any reason not to stay. Especially if it is near your friends and family.

 

[_Lukas]

I can see you both now. Lazing together on the couch in front of the TV and looking at images of other towns on a laptop.

You know us too well That's so accurate! We've actually been doing that a lot
We found a house we really like and it's affordable, and it's in a nice suburban area near my workplace. It's definitely dog-friendly and kid-friendly with a fenced-in yard and everything, in a quiet neighborhood with a lot of young families, and not too far from where our friends and family live, so I think we've made our decision.

Our next project after the wedding will be looking into adoption We had some talks about having kids and we decided that what would be the best fit for us is an older child, not a baby (I have no instincts with babies, and frankly, they scare me, lol! And babies are scared to death of Dave! But we're both great with toddlers and older kids), we're looking preferably in the three- to five-years-old range. We're open to adopting a special-needs child too, or doing an international adoption.

I honestly didn't think I would ever get to the point in my life where I was getting married and buying a house and thinking about adopting kids! I thought I would be permanently institutionalized or something. I owe so much to Dave, he has really changed my life and supported me through some really dark times. If he can handle me at my worst, he certainly deserves me at my best. I would literally take a bullet for this man, and that's why I'm marrying him!
When I was a kid I always imagined this fairytale ending with the man of my dreams and I think this as close to that fantasy as I could possibly get. <3

 

[janemariesayed]

That house sounds perfect. When you come to adopt they will look at your house to see how you live and what kind of home you can offer so it is a really great idea. It sounds like you are being sensible when it comes to adoption too. So many people want the babies to adopt and the older children get left behind but it is them that need the family unit moreso. Good luck with it. It's stressful going through all the rigmarole but having a child with you will make it worth it.