Take this information and do whatever your heart and soul desires to do with it. Just please read it, and at least consider it, because if somebody were to share their life story with me like this, I think I'd
rethink my life's options.
I'll try not to write about my Entire history with social anxiety (just some very important key points) and how it all started and progressed beyond my own belief.
I'm 25 right now, a 25 year old male living in the states.
No relationships (besides parents), no girlfriend, no wife, no kids, socially retarded (basically), a kiss-less virgin who was once upset about my his own appearance (big nose, moles, big European nose)
Today I have very good looking body, am super healthy, exercise daily and eat very well. I walk with a perma-frown on my face and have been to two different psych hospitals due to trying to find some peace in my own head from the constant need to escape this reality/self-medicate.
I've developed social anxiety upon traveling from my country to the states at the age of 10. Before then, I had zero fear of human/social interaction (at least none that I remember), and my family was/and to this day is, very stable, compassionate, and are able to put up with a lot of my issues.
I didn't know the english language at all, and was uttery alone at that school, was being made fun of on the daily basis(kids will be kids, I get it, though I didn't back then). The thoughts which were racing through my mind were very close to being almost possessed by Satan himself. I remember thinking I would get murdered one day in this school or on the school bus. I could not cry, I could not speak up, and remember feeling super alone and isolated. I was mortified.
I could go on and on, but I won't.
All that I wanted to tell you all, is to get out of your own head, comfort zone and away from the ******* drugs and isolation. I'm 25 years of age for ****'s sake, with zero social skills to show for it. When I try to ask a girl out, or even ask if she's single, I turn into a social retard. It was my belief that "it would all end" sooner than later, and that wasting time wasn't a big deal, but guess what, time will not stop for you or for anybody else. Being 25 years of age, with nothing to show for it ******* HURTS.
My cousins back in my home country are sending me invitations to their weddings, and what the **** am I supposed to do with that? I hate myself so much that I've got a permanent frown on my ******* face. I've had a gigantic nose, and a big European set of ears when I was younger, but guess what, MY FACE GREW INTO IT and my face no longer looks bad at all. Do you know what is bad? my perception on life and more importantly my own life. People think I'm a racist, because I look pissed off all the time, but I act the exact same with my own race as with anybody else I come in contact with. This angers me, because I really only hate myself in this world, nobody else. I understand that I could've tried to consistently work on myself, but I didn't. I preferred being alone and away from the social interactions, situations.
I've not experienced an ounce of love from my teenage years (other than from my parents), hadn't had anybody to call a friend in YEARS. Starting out relationships and love, sex at 25 is not a good thing.
Work on yourself people, get a psychologist and talk your ******* problems with him/her as early as possible, they have heard it all before, you will not stand out. DO NOT WAIT, because you'll be even less comfortable tomorrow and the day after that to go out asking for help.
Life is temporary guys, it will all end one day, please do not waste your precious young years, because you'll be writing, trying to warn others when it's WAY TOO LATE. Your body will start to give out, health problems will eventually start to occur, then you'll think to yourself, whatever the **** happened to all those precious young years that I've pissed away?!
When people look at me today, they don't see a peaceful, fit, young man. They see a very fit, good looking social reject who is just mad at everything around him. If it wasn't for my parents, and their constant love and care for me (Even though I don't do the same for them, shame on me), I would have ended my life a long time ago.
Note that I am not suicidal, I am simply very disappointed in myself and the life's opportunities that I've rejected. I hope that you don't make the same mistakes I have, because I'll guarantee you'll regret it greatly.
I wish you all a progressive recovery from these anxieties/phobias - daily benzo usage is not the answer, SSRI's and other anti-depressants aren't as well (in my honest genuine opinion). Get off the drugs, and face reality head on. Talk your problems out as early on as you're able, because as time goes on, things will only get worse.
rethink my life's options.
I'll try not to write about my Entire history with social anxiety (just some very important key points) and how it all started and progressed beyond my own belief.
I'm 25 right now, a 25 year old male living in the states.
No relationships (besides parents), no girlfriend, no wife, no kids, socially retarded (basically), a kiss-less virgin who was once upset about my his own appearance (big nose, moles, big European nose)
Today I have very good looking body, am super healthy, exercise daily and eat very well. I walk with a perma-frown on my face and have been to two different psych hospitals due to trying to find some peace in my own head from the constant need to escape this reality/self-medicate.
I've developed social anxiety upon traveling from my country to the states at the age of 10. Before then, I had zero fear of human/social interaction (at least none that I remember), and my family was/and to this day is, very stable, compassionate, and are able to put up with a lot of my issues.
I didn't know the english language at all, and was uttery alone at that school, was being made fun of on the daily basis(kids will be kids, I get it, though I didn't back then). The thoughts which were racing through my mind were very close to being almost possessed by Satan himself. I remember thinking I would get murdered one day in this school or on the school bus. I could not cry, I could not speak up, and remember feeling super alone and isolated. I was mortified.
I could go on and on, but I won't.
All that I wanted to tell you all, is to get out of your own head, comfort zone and away from the ******* drugs and isolation. I'm 25 years of age for ****'s sake, with zero social skills to show for it. When I try to ask a girl out, or even ask if she's single, I turn into a social retard. It was my belief that "it would all end" sooner than later, and that wasting time wasn't a big deal, but guess what, time will not stop for you or for anybody else. Being 25 years of age, with nothing to show for it ******* HURTS.
My cousins back in my home country are sending me invitations to their weddings, and what the **** am I supposed to do with that? I hate myself so much that I've got a permanent frown on my ******* face. I've had a gigantic nose, and a big European set of ears when I was younger, but guess what, MY FACE GREW INTO IT and my face no longer looks bad at all. Do you know what is bad? my perception on life and more importantly my own life. People think I'm a racist, because I look pissed off all the time, but I act the exact same with my own race as with anybody else I come in contact with. This angers me, because I really only hate myself in this world, nobody else. I understand that I could've tried to consistently work on myself, but I didn't. I preferred being alone and away from the social interactions, situations.
I've not experienced an ounce of love from my teenage years (other than from my parents), hadn't had anybody to call a friend in YEARS. Starting out relationships and love, sex at 25 is not a good thing.
Work on yourself people, get a psychologist and talk your ******* problems with him/her as early as possible, they have heard it all before, you will not stand out. DO NOT WAIT, because you'll be even less comfortable tomorrow and the day after that to go out asking for help.
Life is temporary guys, it will all end one day, please do not waste your precious young years, because you'll be writing, trying to warn others when it's WAY TOO LATE. Your body will start to give out, health problems will eventually start to occur, then you'll think to yourself, whatever the **** happened to all those precious young years that I've pissed away?!
When people look at me today, they don't see a peaceful, fit, young man. They see a very fit, good looking social reject who is just mad at everything around him. If it wasn't for my parents, and their constant love and care for me (Even though I don't do the same for them, shame on me), I would have ended my life a long time ago.
Note that I am not suicidal, I am simply very disappointed in myself and the life's opportunities that I've rejected. I hope that you don't make the same mistakes I have, because I'll guarantee you'll regret it greatly.
I wish you all a progressive recovery from these anxieties/phobias - daily benzo usage is not the answer, SSRI's and other anti-depressants aren't as well (in my honest genuine opinion). Get off the drugs, and face reality head on. Talk your problems out as early on as you're able, because as time goes on, things will only get worse.
