Why Shy People Like Me Don't Date Much

[MainerMikeBrown]

Overall, I don't consider myself to be a shy person. I'm outgoing for the most part, I think.

However, one area that I do have serious social anxiety issues about is when it comes to dating.

The reason why shy people like me don't date much is because of the fear of rejection.

My self esteem is pretty good overall, I think. It's gotten better. But I do fear that if I like a girl and she rejects me, that I'll feel worse about myself, or at least to a point.

I just have to keep reminding myself that if I get dumped by a lady that I'm attracted to, it's not that I'm not good enough for her. Instead, it's that we're not compatible with each other.

Big difference.

 

[ladybj]

Overall, I don't consider myself to be a shy person. I'm outgoing for the most part, I think.

However, one area that I do have serious social anxiety issues about is when it comes to dating.

The reason why shy people like me don't date much is because of the fear of rejection.

My self esteem is pretty good overall, I think. It's gotten better. But I do fear that if I like a girl and she rejects me, that I'll feel worse about myself, or at least to a point.

I just have to keep reminding myself that if I get dumped by a lady that I'm attracted to, it's not that I'm not good enough for her. Instead, it's that we're not compatible with each other.

Big difference.

Exactly... you are good enough and as you stated, you two may not be compatible. Move on and find someone that you are compatible with. Rejection is a part of life.. it happens. It does not make us any less than who we are. Don't give up because that special lady is out there waiting for you.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

I agree with you, LadyBJ, that the special lady for me is out there.

It's just that it will take me longer to find someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with because I'm shy when it comes to meeting women.

 

[ladybj]

I agree with you, LadyBJ, that the special lady for me is out there.

It's just that it will take me longer to find someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with because I'm shy when it comes to meeting women.

My husband was VERY shy. He said growing up, he was so shy it was crippling. We have been married for 35 years. He is not that not shy anymore. I am the opposite.. He is an introvert, I am an extrovert. We somewhat balance each other out. You may end up with an Extrovert which will be a plus.. as long as she accept you being an introvert. I cannot see two introverts together.

 

[anxiousinamerica]

I agree with you, LadyBJ, that the special lady for me is out there.

It's just that it will take me longer to find someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with because I'm shy when it comes to meeting women.

Have you heard of Dr. Nerdlove? He isn't really a doctor, of course, but his website offers some of the most sensible dating advice I've found online. It's such a contrast to a lot of the garbage that you find on the internet. I too have had a lot of fears about dating and troubles with meeting people, and have found much of his advice to be helpful.

My husband was VERY shy. He said growing up, he was so shy it was crippling. We have been married for 35 years. He is not that not shy anymore. I am the opposite.. He is an introvert, I am an extrovert. We somewhat balance each other out. You may end up with an Extrovert which will be a plus.. as long as she accept you being an introvert. I cannot see two introverts together.

It can work though. Introverted doesn't necessarily mean shy. It just means needing more time alone to recharge, rather than needing to be around other people. One can be an introvert and not be shy. If one person wants to go out on the town and socialize every night, while the other person prefers quiet nights at home, it may not work out so well. Then again, they may balance each other out in other ways.

Even two shy people can work. Sometimes it can be easier for one shy person to understand another shy person, and adjust their behavior accordingly. I met my ex online, and I think it was a few months before she even felt comfortable enough to meet me in person. But understanding how nerve-wracking dating can be, I didn't take any issue with it. We wound up being together for three years. The reason we broke up had nothing to do with being shy...we just came to the point where we felt like we weren't headed in the same direction anymore. But I still think very fondly of her.

My point is, you never really know who you will be compatible with, so it's always good to keep an open mind.