I have been slowly recovering from GAD over the past few years. I have been mainly using ACT therapy since CBT and thought replacement does not seem to work for me.
So with my acceptance I have recently made a major breakthrough that I would like to share with everyone.
My anxiety has been manageable the past two plus years however I have been cycling pretty consistently. I'll have a good week or couple days without worry and then I'll follow that up with a month of mild distress and worry. When I worry it's usually about depression coming back from job stress or a news event I read (I.E. I saw a news video saying the US was on the brink of a civil war the other day and it kicked me down into my work cycle again).
So I have been working to find the reasons I am cycling. I tried blocking news sites on my phone. Doesn't work bc despite your best efforts you will hear about it or see a headline somewhere eventually. For instance my most recent news scare was video headline I scrolled past while looking for a video to watch at work. Another time the discussion on one of my favorite podcasts turned to AI and it freaked me out. Avoidance is not the answer, it's fine to not follow the news, as I think it's complete trash, but you can't expect to stay news free in this world.
I also get scared of depression returning each time I start to get stressed at work. This too is not avoidable as stress at work is going to happen from time to time. Overall the best thing I can do is find a job that limits my stress levels, which I have right now.
So now that I know my two biggest triggers I could work with what I was doing wrong when they "go off."
When my worrying about a news event trigger goes off I have anxiety. The 'I just got called to the principles office' feeling hits and it feels like it's never going away again. I try to accept it but I fail. Within 20 minutes I am searching the internet for a counter news article to the event I am scared of. "The US is not on the verge of Civil War" I type in and I read three or four articles and I feel reassured, anxiety decreases and I feel better. The problem? An hour later the thought comes 'what if the authors of those articles were wrong?' I better research their credentials. I get the call to the principles office once again and I am back to trying to find my next hit of reassurance.
Same thing with my depression fears. 'what if you get suicidal this time?' is the big bogey that gets me scrambling for reassurance. I with have my nose feverishly deep into my self help books and articles for a few days trying to figure "it" out and find a hit of "you would never kill yourself, you aren't like that" reassurance. It's the same thing as the news obsessions, reassurance is the drug I am trying to use to treat myself.
The problem is that reassurance doesn't exist. Is the US going to civil war? Will I ever commit suicide? Chances are slim for both but nothing is 100%. So reassurance is non existent.
The other issue is that I am not allowing myself to work through the fear myself when I seek reassurance. It's ok to be afraid of things and the only way to move on with your life and get by your fears is to go through them. Fear is a natural reaction that I will have from time to time and I have to be able to know I can make it the other side of it without reassurance since it is not a solid foundation.
Until I made this realization the other day I had no idea how much my internet searching contributed to my malady.
I vow from this point forward to stop searching for reassurance, I have to let the fear be there when I have it. Accept it and label the feeling as fear and wait for it to pass. I think if you suffer from the same type of worrying that I do or have health anxiety that making the same vow will help you tremendously.
It stops. I accept fear.
So with my acceptance I have recently made a major breakthrough that I would like to share with everyone.
My anxiety has been manageable the past two plus years however I have been cycling pretty consistently. I'll have a good week or couple days without worry and then I'll follow that up with a month of mild distress and worry. When I worry it's usually about depression coming back from job stress or a news event I read (I.E. I saw a news video saying the US was on the brink of a civil war the other day and it kicked me down into my work cycle again).
So I have been working to find the reasons I am cycling. I tried blocking news sites on my phone. Doesn't work bc despite your best efforts you will hear about it or see a headline somewhere eventually. For instance my most recent news scare was video headline I scrolled past while looking for a video to watch at work. Another time the discussion on one of my favorite podcasts turned to AI and it freaked me out. Avoidance is not the answer, it's fine to not follow the news, as I think it's complete trash, but you can't expect to stay news free in this world.
I also get scared of depression returning each time I start to get stressed at work. This too is not avoidable as stress at work is going to happen from time to time. Overall the best thing I can do is find a job that limits my stress levels, which I have right now.
So now that I know my two biggest triggers I could work with what I was doing wrong when they "go off."
When my worrying about a news event trigger goes off I have anxiety. The 'I just got called to the principles office' feeling hits and it feels like it's never going away again. I try to accept it but I fail. Within 20 minutes I am searching the internet for a counter news article to the event I am scared of. "The US is not on the verge of Civil War" I type in and I read three or four articles and I feel reassured, anxiety decreases and I feel better. The problem? An hour later the thought comes 'what if the authors of those articles were wrong?' I better research their credentials. I get the call to the principles office once again and I am back to trying to find my next hit of reassurance.
Same thing with my depression fears. 'what if you get suicidal this time?' is the big bogey that gets me scrambling for reassurance. I with have my nose feverishly deep into my self help books and articles for a few days trying to figure "it" out and find a hit of "you would never kill yourself, you aren't like that" reassurance. It's the same thing as the news obsessions, reassurance is the drug I am trying to use to treat myself.
The problem is that reassurance doesn't exist. Is the US going to civil war? Will I ever commit suicide? Chances are slim for both but nothing is 100%. So reassurance is non existent.
The other issue is that I am not allowing myself to work through the fear myself when I seek reassurance. It's ok to be afraid of things and the only way to move on with your life and get by your fears is to go through them. Fear is a natural reaction that I will have from time to time and I have to be able to know I can make it the other side of it without reassurance since it is not a solid foundation.
Until I made this realization the other day I had no idea how much my internet searching contributed to my malady.
I vow from this point forward to stop searching for reassurance, I have to let the fear be there when I have it. Accept it and label the feeling as fear and wait for it to pass. I think if you suffer from the same type of worrying that I do or have health anxiety that making the same vow will help you tremendously.
It stops. I accept fear.
