Why does losing love hurt so much?

[audrinaa]

Whether it is losing a loved one to death or losing a spouse that you are in love with, why does it hurt so much? Like death and lost love even after years have gone by the pain is still there but will never go away. The person always crosses your mind and you wonder if you cross theirs and that leads to more depression. You wonder what went wrong, or why did they have to die so soon. These are questions I wonder every day.

 

[Aree Wongwanlee]

Love has a lot to do with self-esteem. When we are loved, our self-esteem rises. When we lose that love, our self-esteem suffers. Love also has a lot to do with projection. When we love someone, we project ourselves onto that person. When that person dies, it's like part of our own self has died as well. How do we prevent this hurt? One way is to have a good self-esteem that does not depend on the presence of other people. We have to love ourselves enough that even if other people don't love us, we can still survive. Another thing to remember is that we always have ourselves. Much as we may love another person, when that person goes, for one reason or another, we are still here, and, ultimately, that's what really matters.

 

[audrinaa]

Love has a lot to do with self-esteem. When we are loved, our self-esteem rises. When we lose that love, our self-esteem suffers. Love also has a lot to do with projection. When we love someone, we project ourselves onto that person. When that person dies, it's like part of our own self has died as well. How do we prevent this hurt? One way is to have a good self-esteem that does not depend on the presence of other people. We have to love ourselves enough that even if other people don't love us, we can still survive. Another thing to remember is that we always have ourselves. Much as we may love another person, when that person goes, for one reason or another, we are still here, and, ultimately, that's what really matters.

Very well said. It still hurts though, and I guess that pain is part of life. I see what you are talking about when you say it has a lot to do with self-esteem. I lost my ex when he left and he was always one to lift me up and tell me I was beautiful, even as soon as I woke up telling me how much he loved me. Stayed with me and my two kids for almost 3 years and then he was gone, he didn't die but when he left a whole part of me died. There was no explanation and no closure for me. So here almost two years later I am still hoping that he will call or facebook me. Is that ever going to change? I feel like I can't let go.

 

[Fae]

Losing love hurts for me a lot because of the store of feelings I build with the person involved. There are memories of different things I've done with them. There's the feelings tied to them, for what they've done for me and for what they've done with me. And all of those things build up with time to become an even more complex web in my heart. So of course it'll hurt me when that gets ripped out, and it'll come out in a bleeding mess that takes awhile to heal, too. I've had happen once with an ex, and to a lesser extent as friends drifted off to live their lives.


But even when they're torn out of your heart, little pieces still stay around the edges and heal back into your heart, and the scar from them throbs when you remember those pieces. I've got a new boyfriend, and the ex is over 7 years out of the picture. But he was 3 years in the picture bringing cheer and friendship before an ugly betrayal. I still don't have it in me to be mean to the guy. I don't hope something romantic redevelops, but that period of friendship is still something I miss. I just can't figure out how to fully let go of someone I made a part of me.

 

[John Snort]

When you love someone, you let them into your heart. It's like they become a part of you. Lose the person you'll love and it'll feel like there's a hole in your heart. This is why I believe losing someone you love hurts so much. When they are gone, you lose something valuable. It has to hurt and it does. When you lose someone you love don't try to live in denial. Embrace the pain. Cry if you have to and let it all out. This is how you'll heal faster.

 

[janemariesayed]

With losing a loved one to a split in the relationship, such as divorcing a spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend, for example, I think that it is the same as bereavement. It is the same as losing someone close to you as if they had died. If we lose anyone that we have had a close relationship with, or even known, the shock of 'never seeing them again' can be devastating. Even for those who don't admit their feelings. Say for example you worked with someone but didn't know them socially. Suddenly you hear of their death, it can be a shock. I agree that these people have become part of our lives and maybe it is the happy memories that are part of our lives that we don't want to be rid of.

 

[hades_leae]

Pain is a choice, I have came to the conclusion that it is a choice because people pain is an emotion that can be governed. If I loose something, I don't allow myself to feel emotionally attached, there are some people out there who let emotion destroy their lives.


If someone close to me dies, I get over it instantly because life goes on, and I know that sitting around grieving isn't going to bring that person back. I might as well on with my life. Why is it such a big surprise when people loose someone, it's life, everyone knows that we all are going to die someday. I don't want to sound like a heartless human, but even if it's murder, drug over dose, or natural death, death will come.


If it's someone from a relationship that you are loosing, you should move on right away, if it was going to work out, or if you both knew it could work out then you would make it work.

 

[17emilyhalko]

The people who hurt you the most are usually the people that you love the most. When we are truly in love with someone (a relative, a spouse, a friend, etc.) we have high faith in them. They make us see the world, start to believe in the irrational. We think that they'll love us forever, that they'll never disappoint us, that they'll never be upset with us, that they'll always be with us. We have expectations and a way that we want things to be. But if our loved ones don't meet our expectations, we feel betrayed, we become upset, and maybe we even start pointing fingers. Once, I went to a theme park with my boyfriend and he had a certain vision and idea how the day would go. Well, I'm absolutely afraid of heights, and when I did not want to go on his favorite rides, he got very angry with me, and said things he probably didn't mean to. I didn't mean to get him angry and it's not my fault that he got angry, but he had a certain vision of how the day would go, and when I didn't live up to that, he got upset. To be honest, I think deaths of loved ones are somewhat similar to this idea. We have a certain vision with how things will go, and then one day a loved one dies, and then we become upset, because we never got the chance to do the things we wanted to do with them, or to say something important to them, or to just live life with them.

 

[Alex]

Losing someone to death can be hard, but we have to accept that is part of the life cycle. When it's a sudden death it can be harder as it's a shock, but it can also be a wake up call for some people. Now, losing a love as in through the end of a relationship can be much harder because there is always the 'what ifs?' that present themselves. Could you have done more, or why can't you let them go?


Romantic love is irrational at the best of times, but it can make us feel good and when that is gone, there is emptiness and pain. It does pass or get easier to cope with, but it makes us stronger and also skeptical. We learn through pain, but also love.

 

[Aree Wongwanlee]

Very well said. It still hurts though, and I guess that pain is part of life. I see what you are talking about when you say it has a lot to do with self-esteem. I lost my ex when he left and he was always one to lift me up and tell me I was beautiful, even as soon as I woke up telling me how much he loved me. Stayed with me and my two kids for almost 3 years and then he was gone, he didn't die but when he left a whole part of me died. There was no explanation and no closure for me. So here almost two years later I am still hoping that he will call or facebook me. Is that ever going to change? I feel like I can't let go.

Everyone has the right to choose their own path in life. Just because he no longer shares the same path with you doesn't mean that he thinks your path in life is wrong. It's just that he has chosen to take another path. Will he come back? That's unknown. Should you wait? No, I wouldn't recommend that. Waiting means not getting on with your own life. Remember that you have only one life and it's your choice what you do with it. All too soon, it will be over. And you can't start your life all over again. So, continue with your path in life. I am sure there are lots of other people who will be sharing your path in life further along the way.

 

[Countryhalli]

I often wonder the same thing, for me when I love whether it be friends, or family, if I love you I love you deep and very hard, and if I am upset, hurt or mad, I have those feelijgs very hard as well. My grandma has been gone for 14 years now, my mom just reminded me of that the other day, and when I think about it, it feels like its only been maybe 3-4 years and it still hurts so bad. My grandma was a major part in raising me so I'm sure that plays a major part in feeling so sad and so lost still. When I start missing her, or have those times where I wish so bad she were here to talk to, I pull out all of my scrapbooks and go through and remember all of the trips we made, holidays, events we went to, anything to give me a positive feelijg about her. That and remembering how picky she was and how she wanted everything certain ways, anything to make me smile definately takes that hurt away. I think I felt the worst almost 3 years ago when I had my son, I felt so horrible that she wasn't here to see him, to hold him, or anything. Those things we cannit change so we just have to find our little ways of coping with them, when I look at pictures I pull my son on my lap and tell him little stories of my grandparents or whomever else he points out, so I feel that definately does make me feel better.

 

[Alexa]

All I can say about this is that it is better to feel the pain than to shut it all out and go cold. Sometimes closing up your heart may seem like the ultimate relief, but at the same time you close it up to other connections and may miss the wonderful side of good people.

 

[DDNatureLover]

One thing I've found that hurts the most about losing a loved one is the death of possibilities of what could be. The times spent with the person are in the past, and there will be no new ones. Most of us think about what the future will be like and make plans, as well as perhaps unspoken ideas and dreams. When we lose someone we love, there's the initial loss, but also other losses that occur as time passes and that person is not there to experience changes and life events with us. Additionally, there are little things we share with that person, perhaps a special song, place, or even a favorite movie or food. When we encounter those things or events without our loved one, it reinforces their loss to us.

 

[sorrowscall]

Losing love hurts because it's an experience that correlates with the human condition. We can not help but feel close to people whom have lead some form of an imprint on us. A strong positive stimuli will be affected just as strongly by the introduction of a largely negative stimuli. It hurts more than the process of love because the stimuli increased in increments, but the breaking down of that stimuli is not.

 

[Victoria Sheffield]

One thing for sure regardless of how a person looses it hurts and it hurts bad. Life is full of these type of ups and downs and for me the only thing I know to do is pray for strength. I do know that in time God heals a broken heart and that we must at some point pick up those pieces and move on. Its almost hard for me to be so straight to the point but that's just the way it is.

 

[misszerable]

I guess the reason why my life almost stopped when my Dad died was that he was the only one left for us and he had taken care of us for so long. I've lost all of my grandparents earlier and my Mom when I was in my teens. He held our family together. Death is permanent separation and though our faith tells us that we will see them again, this is hardly a consolation. I still cry and listen to his recorded voice whenever I miss him. I don't want to let go of him and his memories. I still imagine what he would have said whenever I'm up against a difficult situation. I may have moved on and started working again, but he would still be in my mind.

Losing a loved one to death has been the most painful thing I've dealt with in my life. I've had relationships in the past which all ended bitterly but these things never hurt me as much as the death of my loved ones. That could be because I've never imagined forever with someone. I've never envisioned myself growing old with a man. That's another part of me that I need to understand.