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why did i do that?

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Elliemae21

Elliemae21

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So, where do I start. I am 21 and my life has been a roller-coaster of emotions and intense feelings and thoughts. I never ever thought I'd be alive here and now writing this as my life has been pretty uneasy.
I am in a relationship, we're happy and we both suffer deeply with things which knock us down and make us vulnerable during our tough times of every day and how we make mistakes.
Let me start by explaining my life so far - I was in and out of foster care, my foster brothers did horrible things to me and it has scarred me, it left me with severve anxiety to not trust anyone anymore.
depression started kicking in when i turned 13, i started self injuring myself, which made me feel out of control, i felt alone i felt like if i tried screaming out for help maybe someone will listen but they never did.
I failed when I tried fighting back when my abusers were hurting me, but it left me hurting more that i felt out of control and lost on what to do. i am turning 22 in 3 days, and i am still struggling 21 years later, i often get sectioned but i break down and my anxiety shuts me off, i go into fight or flight mode. I been abused ( sexually ) 3 times and i am campaigning against rapists for us women to get justice. because we do not deserve to be abused or kidnapped. my foster brother kidnapped me and messaged my dad at the time saying i had run away which i did not and my dad was panicked and he almost shut down completely it broke my heart listening to the conversation the brother was saying unkind things about me.

if you read this then hello nice to meet you!

Ellie
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Cuchculan

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That is some messed up childhood you had. But none of it was your own fault. It was all the fault of others. People you were meant to be able to trust. They betrayed that position and took advantage of you for their own gains and needs. They are the ones who deserve to be suffering. Not you. But like can be cruel at times. You end up hurting more than the people who put you through all they did.

With any luck you will grow in strength. As you try to fight for women to get the justice against these evil people. From that you can rise again. I am sure others are with you in your fight for justice. Others who have been down similar roads as yourself. Together you can lean on each other. Learn from each other.

Who knows, in a few years you might be walking with your head held high. After helping others out. Might make you see how strong you are. That you still hold a lot of power.
 
Elliemae21

Elliemae21

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Cuchculan said:
That is some messed up childhood you had. But none of it was your own fault. It was all the fault of others. People you were meant to be able to trust. They betrayed that position and took advantage of you for their own gains and needs. They are the ones who deserve to be suffering. Not you. But like can be cruel at times. You end up hurting more than the people who put you through all they did.

With any luck you will grow in strength. As you try to fight for women to get the justice against these evil people. From that you can rise again. I am sure others are with you in your fight for justice. Others who have been down similar roads as yourself. Together you can lean on each other. Learn from each other.

Who knows, in a few years you might be walking with your head held high. After helping others out. Might make you see how strong you are. That you still hold a lot of power.
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this is so sweet.
it has been a traumatised childhood it has hurt me and i am over coming this :)
 
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LotusTree

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Welcome to you and you Should give yourself a big pat on the back for reaching out and working on healing yourself. Hopefully you will grow in trust so that you can share What you need to here.
 
Cuchculan

Cuchculan

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When I think of the names and the insults over the years, this is very tame. Wondering will we get a long rambling story about the whole hospital post? Or do I ask what was asked in the Life of Brian film? ' How shall we piss off, oh Master '. :p
 
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Jonathan123

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Oh yes!! I have been got at many times over the years on the other site, but to be honest I just don't give a damn any more. If what I write is not acceptable to some then hard luck!! I would never go out of my way to be rude or insulting, neither would the vast majority on here. It's all about kindness, compassion, empathy and understanding. But we do get some posts that are unacceptable. This is where the moderators step in. But I don't envy them one bit. So often it's a borderline case between being rude and telling the truth. In anxiety we so often are afraid of the truth. I did notice Cuchculan did not react to the unnecessary post with anger. He could have done but didn't. That's how we should treat such posts.
 
Elliemae21

Elliemae21

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bin_tenn said:
Was that necessary?
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yeah for you to **** off
Jonathan123 said:
Oh yes!! I have been got at many times over the years on the other site, but to be honest I just don't give a damn any more. If what I write is not acceptable to some then hard luck!! I would never go out of my way to be rude or insulting, neither would the vast majority on here. It's all about kindness, compassion, empathy and understanding. But we do get some posts that are unacceptable. This is where the moderators step in. But I don't envy them one bit. So often it's a borderline case between being rude and telling the truth. In anxiety we so often are afraid of the truth. I did notice Cuchculan did not react to the unnecessary post with anger. He could have done but didn't. That's how we should treat such posts.
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of go fkc yourself
 
Cuchculan

Cuchculan

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I avoided the insults this time. Lucky me. Seems you two are the bold boys now. Go stand in the corner for ten minutes each.
 
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Jonathan123

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Cuchculan said:
I avoided the insults this time. Lucky me. Seems you two are the bold boys now. Go stand in the corner for ten minutes each.
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YEAH!!! But I can take it. It's a case of 'sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me'.
 
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