"Why can't you just be normal" - The Person You Love The Most

[ProNine]

Ok, so you come home one day, anxiety coming through like normal. Your loved one can tell you're going through it, and is a bit upset by it. Through the course of it, they state, "Why can't you just be normal.." How would that statement make you feel and how would you react? Would you discuss it with them, would it tear you apart, or something else? I apologize for how 'blunt' this question may seem, but a good way to deal with my anxiety personally is just to run scenarios in my head. When you anticipate how you may react, as you believe, you'll find it easier to understand why you react in such way, and understand what you can do to change it. Personally, I'd be hurt by it but would be unable to react in a hurtful way and as such, would go and argue about what normal is and what makes me any less so. It's funny how we tend to think of ourselves and what we believe what we might actually do. So, what about you, how would you react and what does that tell you about yourself?

 

[rz3300]

Well I think that I might actually ask myself this more than other people ask me, but if they are not saying it out loud I am sure that they are thinking about it. IT is those little things too, like ordering food or particular social situations, when people see your reactions and they take note. Maybe it is me being a little more self-conscious than usual, but that is the way that I always feel and then it takes a spiral towards the down direction.

 

[Bea]

Sad as it seems, I'm used to it. I'm used to the people around me, especially my family, brushing off my mental illnesses. And at first it tore me up inside. Why can't these people who are supposed to love me and care for me not understand what I'm suffering through? But eventually I found people around me as well, my close friends, who are now supporting me wholeheartedly and who are understanding of what I'm going through.

 

[John Snort]

I understand that people who have never had to deal with anxiety may not understand what it is like. They may think it's something you just snap out of at will. If someone demanded to know why I can't be normal I'll simply tell them it's not possible and won't explain any further. There'd be no need to get angry because anger what change the fact that for a little while you'll be "different." And the sooner you embrace that fact the less likely you are to be hurt by what others think.

 

[Jemina]

I've had people I care about say this to me before and it hurts. It hurts a lot. It's not my fault that I've been through some of the things I have which have made me the way I am. I try to deal with those things as best as I can and try to function normally but that's not always easy. In fact, more often than not it's the opposite of that. The number of times someone will say "Why can't you just be normal" or "That's common sense to do it this way, why can't you see that?" is higher than I care to remember.


I try not to let it get to me. I try to function normally. But those sorts of things can let the doubt start to creep in more and make me not trust myself and my own decisions sometimes. If I end up relying more on them, because they tell me I shouldn't be acting differently to everyone else, they don't like that too. It doesn't help my confidence much. But I keep trying. I suppose trying to be more "normal" is all we can do sometimes.

 

[kelden]

I would argue about the "normal" notion of society, Who is normal anyway? Everybody and his uncle have issues, I say. I'm trying to do my best but they have to accept that It takes time.

 

[StarrScott]

Hearing that or any other statement suggesting that I'm acting this way just for the sake of it would absolutely tear me apart. I know that some people are saying that they'd brush it off because they're used to it but I'm also used to it and that would just bring back bad memories. I already feel like absolute crap when I'm anxious and stressing over things that I know aren't relevant at the time and a loved one saying some nonsense like that would throw my feelings over the edge. Honestly, I'd probably turn it into an argument and not regard the fact that they have feelings as well. Not on purpose, but I'm very defensive and I figure that if a loved one doesn't understand my mental illness by now and how it affects me that they just won't ever understand it.

 

[richj8am30]

Ok' date=' so you come home one day, anxiety coming through like normal. Your loved one can tell you're going through it, and is a bit upset by it. Through the course of it, they state, "Why can't you just be normal.." How would that statement make you feel and how would you react? Would you discuss it with them, would it tear you apart, or something else? I apologize for how 'blunt' this question may seem, but a good way to deal with my anxiety personally is just to run scenarios in my head. When you anticipate how you may react, as you believe, you'll find it easier to understand why you react in such way, and understand what you can do to change it. Personally, I'd be hurt by it but would be unable to react in a hurtful way and as such, would go and argue about what normal is and what makes me any less so. It's funny how we tend to think of ourselves and what we believe what we might actually do. So, what about you, how would you react and what does that tell you about yourself?[/quote']
I go through it with my girl who is awesome but has really bad anxiety. We met at work then she went away to college then after I blocked her online (because I'm weird too) she stalked me via Facebook using revamped meme pages which drove me nuts. When I finally gave in she used nothing but memes to communicate, this was the most frustrating thing ever. She begged me to communicate then when it was time to, she could not communicate in a way that was natural and at the time I did not understand her anxiety problems so I was harsh as could be. I almost gave up, that was 3 yrs ago. I do not mind anything that she does now that she is physically with me, I am just glad that I can actually talk to her in person and not as a Facebook page spouting out memes every 5 minutes. It was way worse when she wasn't physically here.

 

[Moroccanbeauty2266]

I have experienced people who I cared about saying this to me.


It always would hit me harder than I would show them.


And saying something like that shows how ignorant people can be if they don't want to understand you.


Oftentimes, they do not realize that by saying that they can actually make your anxiety even worse.


I have a friend who has worse anxiety than I do and she would always tell me that every time she would get her anxiety attacks that her husband would ignore her and tell her that she is insane and he wants a divorce. Every single time! And there was a time where she tried so hard to explain to him what was going on with her even though she did not understand it herself and he would just laugh it off.


If I were her I would already have so many nervous breakdowns. These things hurt and people are so ignorant....

 

[SchiavonaCalvin]

I have never met a person who does not have some form of y8ioupuipuopiuo hindering issue. Though there are many of us who would like to believe that we are normal, we are not. No one has the right to tell someone to be normal. I have been suffering from depression since I was a 12 yr old and I wish I could be like everyone else. He may be your boyfriend, and I know that this situation is frustrating but he's not as normal as he seems so he needs to give you a a break.

 

[justsayyes]

Some people can really be insensitive, they probably don't have the slightest idea on what people who suffers from depression and anxiety are going through. They just don't get it. And sometimes it's pointless to argue your case because it will just fall on deaf ears and they probably don't care enough to try to understand. But if it's someone i love, i would expect them to be more understanding, it's going to sting and i'm going to be hurt if those words are said to me. I'll probably withdraw to myself for a bit and deal with it later. That's normally how i deal with painful situations.

 

[hades_leae]

Personally, I wouldn't care, I would tell my spouse that this is me, and it is a problem that I'm working to resolve. If I make someone uncomfortable, I have to let them know that they don't have to be around me. Spouses can sometimes be a pain, especially if they don't understand something. If they really care, then they would try to understand and help.


Things like what you mention would never come out of the mouths of someone who understand what their spouse is going threw. My opinion.