awkwardguy2206
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- Sep 2, 2018
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Here I am again not understanding why it is that I have to be the one to have to worry about why I cant seem to socialize or make friends at a party thrown by a group that I am a member of. I am actually in a fraternity at college and have a girlfriend as well. That probably seems to go against the title of my post, but finding my way into a fraternity and getting the girlfriend I have were both by chance because I lucked out a lot getting to avoid many of the social frustrations I normally would have encountered by having friends pull strings to let me avoid the normal process to join the frat and I also met my girlfriend online, not in person and we were able to get to know each other well before ever meeting in person. So I was able to avoid most of the social challenges there. If I had not met my girlfriend online, we never would have been together.
The main point of my post, though, is that last night my fraternity again had a party that was supposed to last about 4 hours and I was barely able to make myself stay 40 minutes before I found myself in the repeating cycle of going to a party and getting frustrated and upset by not being able to be social. I should mention that for various reasons, my girlfriend doesn't like to go out to parties but I have many friends who go that I enjoy seeing so I usually go alone. When I first show up, I talk to a lot of my guy friends and we socialize and everything is okay. But once the frat house becomes open to all other students, tons of girls will always show up and then I'm basically left sitting or standing alone looking pretty much like a loser while all of my friends start socializing with other people, mainly girls, who do not ever seem to want to talk to me or anything. I've even had several people make reference to me being a wallflower or something similar many times. But how is it that I can try to be social at a party like this with girls when most of them who know who I am know that I have a girlfriend and aren't going to talk to me because of it and would think I'm probably trying to cheat on my girlfriend by talking to them? Even though I know I have never been able to just start a conversation with a girl. I always freeze up. A girl asked me a question in class the other day and I physically froze and tried but could not make words come out of my mouth. I felt so stupid, because I know how stupid I seem and do not want to be that way at all. And I can't help feeling like to some people it just makes me seem like an intentional douchebag when I freeze up or just don't say something because from an outside POV I have a girlfriend and no reason to seem uncomfortable with girls.
I always end up with that same feeling after about an hour of trying to attend a party when I hit that cycle of sitting/standing alone like a loser. I certainly don't want to cheat on my girlfriend, but I'm really starting to think I cannot exist at parties and in life in general if I cannot learn how to socialize with other people my age, especially girls like all of my friends are able to do. It kills me when I see all of my friends having fun and talking to people like I wish I could do and I don't know what to do to make that happen for myself.
The main point of my post, though, is that last night my fraternity again had a party that was supposed to last about 4 hours and I was barely able to make myself stay 40 minutes before I found myself in the repeating cycle of going to a party and getting frustrated and upset by not being able to be social. I should mention that for various reasons, my girlfriend doesn't like to go out to parties but I have many friends who go that I enjoy seeing so I usually go alone. When I first show up, I talk to a lot of my guy friends and we socialize and everything is okay. But once the frat house becomes open to all other students, tons of girls will always show up and then I'm basically left sitting or standing alone looking pretty much like a loser while all of my friends start socializing with other people, mainly girls, who do not ever seem to want to talk to me or anything. I've even had several people make reference to me being a wallflower or something similar many times. But how is it that I can try to be social at a party like this with girls when most of them who know who I am know that I have a girlfriend and aren't going to talk to me because of it and would think I'm probably trying to cheat on my girlfriend by talking to them? Even though I know I have never been able to just start a conversation with a girl. I always freeze up. A girl asked me a question in class the other day and I physically froze and tried but could not make words come out of my mouth. I felt so stupid, because I know how stupid I seem and do not want to be that way at all. And I can't help feeling like to some people it just makes me seem like an intentional douchebag when I freeze up or just don't say something because from an outside POV I have a girlfriend and no reason to seem uncomfortable with girls.
I always end up with that same feeling after about an hour of trying to attend a party when I hit that cycle of sitting/standing alone like a loser. I certainly don't want to cheat on my girlfriend, but I'm really starting to think I cannot exist at parties and in life in general if I cannot learn how to socialize with other people my age, especially girls like all of my friends are able to do. It kills me when I see all of my friends having fun and talking to people like I wish I could do and I don't know what to do to make that happen for myself.