When visitors won't leave

[Alex]

I'm quite a good visitor in that I always tell people how long I will be staying and ask if they have plans or if I am in the way. The other day a friend dropped by unannounced to drop off a card and I invited them in for a coffee, I had just finished lunch and had planned on doing some writing, and didn't mind a 15-20 minute chat.


This did turn into over an hour though, and when he had finished his coffee I automatically asked if he wanted another (hoping he would say no, I know that sounds bad) which he didn't and said he had to go. I felt relieved he went, because I had lost control of my time. If I knew he was coming then it would be okay as I would be mentally prepared, but I've never been good with people dropping by, and if they do I can only manage 15-30 minutes.

 

[amy88]

This is something that gives me loads of anxiety and I think it really does play into my social anxiety and why I hate having company.


Any time that I'm a guest at someone's house, I always do the "well, I best be letting you go!" so that they have the opportunity to be left in peace - but some people just don't seem to get the hint of when it's probably time to leave. I find it difficult to tell people I have other plans, so that's hard for me to say that I need to them to leave so I can attend to other things.

 

[pwarbi]

This is something that as never really affected me, but I do know exactly what you mean. In fact, I've always been the exact opposite and I have been concious of over staying my welcome even when I had no reason to be, but I'd rather be like that than stay somewhere I knew that I wasn't wanted as a visitor. From the other side of the coin, whenever somebody visits me I will often let them know when it's time for them to go and while if that person is a good friend and you might not want to seem rude, honesty is always the best policy in those situations and when you do want a person to leave, the only way to make them is to tell them, even if some times that might mean making up a reason that's a little white lie.


I'm not advocating lying of course, but I think that sometimes it can be justified if it means that you can spare a persons feelings, but that's only something that you yourself can judge depending on the situation.

 

[kgord]

Yes, I can relate to this. My friend who is also an ex by the way over stays his welcome frequently. I usually have to tell him it is time to leave. Having his company is OK sometimes, but other times he is not visiting so much but hanging around like we are still in a relationship, and it is not appropriate. I don't lie to him, but I just am truthful and tell him his presence is distracting, which is the truth. I have other things I could be doing and I don't want him talking to me all the time.

 

[SirJoe]

In my case, it really depends who it is, there are certain people that even 5 minutes can seem like a long time. It's even worse if I have something that I have to do and the person doesn't seem like they are going away anytime soon. It's as if time stands still.

 

[KW2496]

This causes me a lot of anxiety as well. Even when I know someone is coming over I at some point am hoping that they will leave. I really like my alone time and I also feel like I can't be productive if there is people at my house. I do like hanging out with people for shorter amounts of time but I do start to get anxious at a certain point because I want to go back to doing my own thing. I have gotten better about politely letting people know that I need them to go but it still gives me anxiety sometimes.

 

[kelden]

I always suck at attending guess. I don't mind visits at all, but I lose complete control to arrange activities with them. Generally my best friend come over and we just talk until I got bored and go to my room.

 

[rz3300a]

This is definitely up there with one of my pet peeves, and maybe even more than that because it can really irk me if things are not going my way that particular day. I am one of those people who likes to follow a set schedule and have plans for the day, and when they get disrupted on things like this I really do not take it well. It depends on a lot of things of course, but I think we all know the times when you just want everyone to leave and they operate under the false assumption that they are welcome. Maybe I just need my space more than others, which sounds about right. Interesting though, and thanks for sharing.

 

[brdwlk]

This really bugs me. People who won't leave stresses me almost as much as people who drop by without asking first. It takes a special kind of honesty to deal with these types of people. There was a time when I was too honest (i.e., rude) and would just tell them they have to go. Now, I would more likely hint at the many things I have to do that day. And if necessary, specify an appointment time that's fast approaching.

 

[whysewserious]

If I have a friend pop over unexpectedly like that and I have plans, I greet them genuinely and tell them how glad I am to see them, but I am just getting ready to do xyz, and can only chat for a limited time. Depending on the level of my friendship I can tell them I have to set a timer on my alarm. I keep it pretty lighthearted the whole time and when that buzzer goes off, I stand up, hug them, and walk them to the door. And say they should call and we can schedule a time to really get to catch up.


I think most of us fear coming across as rude. There have been times where I really NEEDED the impulsive visit when I was depressed, but if I'm fine it bugs the heck out of me that they can't ask first. To me, the rude really began there. I always try to not be a jerk, but sometimes I find the need to be firm but polite. There is nothing wrong with that and a real friend won't hold a grudge about it.

 

[fuzyon]

Sometimes it can be hard to tell your friends to leave but it's the best way to go about it. I know that anxiety doesn't help but being blunt will save you a lot of trouble. You can even go the more friendly route and tell your friend that you have some work to do but you'll catch up later with him/her, that always works for me and they won't consider you a jerk for kicking them out of your house.

 

[Kosta]

I would not mind if someone unexpectedly comes to my house. I do not have too many friends, but I love them all. And we have shared many things through life and mutual activities. They may come whenever they want. I am always open to them, and I do not need their announcement. But, this has not happened a very long time, because my friends know very well that I have a job and many other obligations. I am often in my office or somewhere outside, and it is not easy catching me. Most of them are also businessmen, so they do not have too much free time for chatting as well.

 

[sidney]

I remember that I used to have 2 friends who are like that, they were fond of dropping by unannounced. I don't really seem to mind it unless I'm busy doing something. They stay for hours or even overnight at times, and that's the time that I did mind the visit because I wasn't able to sleep and I felt drained since she was at home for around 20 hours.

 

[Ashley0323]

Yes I can relate to this. I do not like unannounced visitors. I am perfectly okay with visitors as long as l know in advance and can be prepared. If they stop by and pick something up or drop something off, maybe a short 10-20 minute chat, I can handle that. Not to stay all day though.

 

[Laneorexorcist]

I haven't had an experience like this before... But I have noticed that when thigs don't go as planned or social situations take more than I was expecting I start to getting desperate. I am organized when it comes to my time and I have scheduled basically all my days except for Sunday, lol. But yes... Sometimes I feel like people are getting through my plans and it's really frustrating.

 

[Alex]

I don't mind people popping in as long as they call or text first because I maybe in the middle of something like having a bath. I was renting out my flat and the realtor said they would always let me know when someone would view. One day I was in the bath, and they turned up without calling and so I came out to three strangers in my home in my bathrobe. i was not happy.


In the evening it's not too bad as I can say I have an early start and need to go to sleep early, but in the middle of the day it's much harder. I would never go and visit someone without calling or texting first and I think that's down to manners as well as respect.

 

[justsayyes]

I hate impromptu visits too, well except if I'm the one doing it. lol But honestly, it makes me extremely anxious. I wish people would stop doing it. They can easily call or text but no, they just had to make a surprise visit without realizing it's making the host very uncomfortable.

 

[djordjem87]

This is really and easy question for me because only my best friends are dropping by and they never bother me. They are not many and they are like my brothers and sisters. If they have no where to go I would just get another blanket and if they would start to bore me with talk I would say that to them and they would shut up. I mean, they do not feel like guests in my house. As for the rest of so called friends I really don't have to worry about that because I clearly state who I consider a friend and acceptable in my home. I can be rude that way. I don't care and I really do not like to pretend just to be nice. If I like you I will listen to you and help you if not just walk away from my place.

 

[misszerable]

My brother is so like that. He often drops by my house unannounced and would intentionally pester me with all sorts of requests that would end up with me buying something at the store. But I am not annoyed at all and I am grateful that he spends time with us. With a friend, that would depend on the level of friendship. If it's a good friend, I'll appreciate the distraction. If otherwise, he can stay but I'll make it obvious that I'm busy and I'm working on something.

 

[Aree Wongwanlee]

I don't have this kind of problem. For one, I have not had any visitor to my house in ages. When I want to meet someone, I will meet them outside in a cafe or a restaurant. It makes leaving so much easier. Just get up and go. Nothing complicated. When I go to someone's house, I always make sure that I don't overstay my welcome. Anyway, there are only a couple of occasions each year when I would go and visit.