When to give up, when to keep pushing?

[pinkshaylee]

Hi, everyone.

I’m struggling pretty badly this weekend. I’m out of town staying with family and my anxiety is the highest it’s been in months. First night away, I did okay but it’s been building the longer the trip goes on. As I woke up for the second night in a row at 5am with anxious thoughts and chest pain, I told myself, ‘fine, when everyone gets up in the morning, I’ll tell them I have to go back home. I’m supposed to go home this evening anyway, I’ll just make something up and skip out early.’
I was able to fall back asleep luckily and slept for two more hours. I had 5 minutes of bliss after waking before the anxiety came back.

All of that to say, I really struggle with when to keep pushing myself during anxiety/panic and when to retreat. I don’t want to give up right away, I refuse to. I know it can make the anxiety worse and I don’t want to do that. At the same time, when do you say enough is enough? I have trouble out in public especially grocery stores and I push myself until I have to leave. I give myself time deadlines about when I can leave somewhere and when that time comes, I reassess or I leave. Sometimes I just wonder if I push myself too far (like today).

 

[Brad66]

I think the fact you are concerned about the amount you should push is problematic to a full recovery, which seems to be your goal. Its fine to schedule time to yourself or to cancel plans in order to maintain healthy stress levels but I don't think leaving a situation because of anxiety is ever ideal. That is giving the anxiety all the power. Lying to get out if things gives it power too I used to fake sickness to go home from work.... That is really a bad strategy that creates even more anxiety.

The way you described it seems to me that you are being very vigilant and aware of your anxiety and the likelihood of having it. When the better approach would be to accept and let it be there. That doesn't mean you shouldn't use coping mechanism in these situations it just means you need to care less about having to use them and care less about whether anxiety will come. Know you have gotten through it before and the anxiety is temporary. You are more than the anxiety but only when you stop making it the most important thing about yourself.

Once you release that pressure of convincing yourself that you need to not have anxiety to be "alright" you will find the anxiety is a much more manageable part of your life.

For instance today I am at work and I am in a bad mood, it's Monday, I stayed up too late over the weekend, I ate poorly, and I didn't exercise Sunday. I also forgot to meditiate Saturday. So naturally my anxiety is present today, and I had a few terrible anxiety thoughts earlier and I have anxiety stomach as I call it.

When I was more in the mindset you described above, which I was for years, my whole day would have been ruined. My thoughts would have turn inwards, anxiety would become my focus, and I would have started to think of excuses to leave work and go home early.

Today though I just say "ugh I made mistakes, this Monday will be tough but I'll get through it" then I turn my head to something more constructive. I got all my work for the day done and figured I would get on the board to see if I could send advice to someone else who is struggling. So perhaps this day isn't what I would hope for it to be but at least I did something constructive!

When you find yourself in situations where you anticipate anxiety what types of coping mechanisms to you use? Most of my hang ups with anxiety have been bc of anticipation and overthinking it so I may be able to help you. I assume you probably worried about this family trip for days or weeks leading up to it? Hoped you would be able to get through without anxiety and enjoy it?

 

[pinkshaylee]

Thank you for replying. I’ve always had a problem with overthinking, and maybe I do think about it subconsciously. The thing is I was really looking forward to this trip. I never once second guessed going or wanted to back out. I felt comfortable (or so I thought.) so i guess the amount of anxiety I felt took me by surprise.

 

[Brad66]

Thank you for replying. I’ve always had a problem with overthinking, and maybe I do think about it subconsciously. The thing is I was really looking forward to this trip. I never once second guessed going or wanted to back out. I felt comfortable (or so I thought.) so i guess the amount of anxiety I felt took me by surprise.

Oh so it was more of a surprise attack then and not from anticipation then. That would be harder to cope with for me, I usually anticipate it so I am not sure I have any helpful tips for you other than the normal float through it type of advice.