When Things Don't Go As Planned

[gracer]

I consider myself to be a Type A personality kind of person. I like planning everything well and as much as possible I like things to go as planned. However, there are times when things don't really go according to planned because of a lot of uncontrollable factors. Most often than not, I really get so anxious whenever that happens. I fell like my day is completely ruined every time my plans are not followed. I know it isn't such a good thing that's why I try to control myself as much as possible now especially now that I am a mother.


Do you also feel these things sometimes? What do you do to control your anxiety when these things happen?

 

[misskatiej]

I totally understand, I am not even that into planning things as I'd rather have my husband take on that burden for fear my plans aren't good enough. However, when I have something in mind or an idea of how I want things to go and there is any deviation from that I get very upset and obsess over the change and even get angry that the plan changed. I often find myself looking for a flaw in the new plan just so I can be even angrier that something went wrong because of this deviation and feel like everything would have been just fine if it had gone the way I wanted originally. Now that I am aware I have a tendency to do this I have tried a lot of self talk to try and fix it. I have to literally stop and tell myself that it's not that big of a deal that something changed and that is nothing worth getting upset over. I follow that with some deep breaths and usually I feel a million times better. I think the key to dealing with anxiety is self awareness and the ability to take a step back to channel your thoughts and talk yourself down because Lord knows no one else can say anything to calm you!

 

[CarlosTL]

I consider myself to be a Type A personality kind of person. I like planning everything well and as much as possible I like things to go as planned. However, there are times when things don't really go according to planned because of a lot of uncontrollable factors. Most often than not, I really get so anxious whenever that happens. I fell like my day is completely ruined every time my plans are not followed. I know it isn't such a good thing that's why I try to control myself as much as possible now especially now that I am a mother.
Do you also feel these things sometimes? What do you do to control your anxiety when these things happen?

I get the same feeling, I like order in my life and I am absolutely obsessed about getting things to follow the plan I outlined for them.


I don't think it has much to do with anxiety IMO, most people like to be orderly and organized. Often our life balance and financial equilibrium depends on it. I don't worry about it much, I would even love to be more orderly and plan even more.

 

[Laneorexorcist]

I have the same problem, I think that one of my biggest mistakes is to always making plans that I know that I need to accomplish, but at the end of the day, for some reason, they don't. And that's extremely frustrating for me.


But I tend to think better everything, think about why those things didn't happened, and what can I do to accomplish them, even in a long term distance, at the end of the day I think that I focus on accomplish them and keeping myself distracted, motivated and of course, informed about those things, so I can be ready when it's the time to go for those goals, I guess.

 

[foolsgold]

I used to have this problem. But I agree with Carlos that it isn't so much about anxiety though. The turning point for me was realizing how much it affected my relationship with other people. When things didn't go according to plan, it doesn't mean I still couldn't enjoy my time with them. It was a long journey and I had to deal with a lot of interior struggle to break that kind of mindset. Eventually, what pushed me to relax and be less uptight was preserving the harmony between relationships.

 

[gracer]

Thank you all for your replies and your shavings on how you handle the situation. foolsgold I also had this realization when I had a major argument with my husband because of something that didn't go as planned. He made me realize how our relationship was being negatively affected by my stiff personality. That's when I learned to mellow down with my being too well-planned and just let him plan family related things most of the time. He's more flexible when it comes to sudden changes and unexpected situations.

 

[Alex]

I used to be an event organizer so always needed to have plans that worked, so when I don't have that it feels wrong. I have had to learn that plans don't always work out even if there is no reason they shouldn't have, because there are always factors you cannot control. Mainly how other people behave or react.


I still have plans, but try not to get annoyed or frustrated if they don't transpire. I think it comes down to experience as it's tiring using up energy on things that cannot be helped and that you can't change. I see it as fate and that is happened for a reason.

 

[emmaruthnagano]

In our group, I am the one who mostly make plans to go somewhere, watch movies, or sleep overs. There are times that they can't go. I get annoyed and anxious. However, people have their own life as well. We need to understand them. If they have reasonable excuse then let them be. You can't do anything about it. Just tell them to make it up to you next time. They might treat you somewhere for being understandable.

 

[pwarbi]

When dealing with anxiety or depression, I find it's always best to try and make plans so it keeps you organised, but the down side to that is if something goes wrong and doesn't go how you wanted it to, it can send your mood spiralling down again and so you have to try and make sure you don't let it affect you too much. In life things don't always go as planned and for many people they can take it in their stride and it doesn't affect them too much. If you're feeling down anyway then sometimes even the smallest thing not going right can make you want to give up on the whole day and just go back to bed.


Life needs to be taken lightly and not everything is serious and sometimes when dealing with depression it's hard to see the light and fun side of anything, and that's something we need to work on as much as we can.

 

[DDNatureLover]

I used to be the coordinator in the group of friends, and was also somewhat obsessive about things going according to plan. I'd get anxious and irritated when things diverted from the plan. I've learned somewhat to let go and see what happens. I think one thing that helped me do so was to realize that sometimes the end result is a better one than what was originally expected.

 

[justsayyes]

I have a tendency to be so hard on myself when things don't go as planned although I'm not so anal about this department. I learned to set realistic goals/plans so it'll be easier to meet and I'm also open to the fact that sometimes things might also fell through whether I like it or not.

 

[rz3300]

Well I would like to think that I have gotten a little bit better at handling these types of situations over the years, but then again I know that they still get to me. I am kind of like justsayyes - I put it all on me and I get down on myself, even if it is something out of my control. It then goes to the "well now I have to this tomorrow" and I start to feel flustered and like there is not enough time. I wish I had the ability to not care so much, but I guess that is just the way it is.

 

[SirJoe]

I also like planning my things out but more often then not I am not able to go through with my plan. I have gotten better at dealing with it but I would lie if I was happy when ever I have to make a change of plans.

 

[joshposh]

Most things in life don't work out the way we want them to be or how we plan them. A back up plan is always something you should have in case some doesn't go as they should. There is always anxiety when when planning. To help that anxiety, you just need a back up plan. If you don't have a back up plan, that, when you might blow a fuse.

 

[kelden]

I usually don't plan another alternative when things end up with another outcome than the expected. I remember when I almost panicked when things got awry during a test I was doing at college, almost fail the course because of that. Against my habit, I try now to think in another way to solve a problem, the so called Plan "B" if we have to label it. While I more secure my desire outcome, I will be less prone to suffer another sudden state of anxiety.

 

[gracer]

kelden I can relate with what you experienced regarding a test you had but in my case, I failed and that experience really triggered my depression once again. It was a major exam in my life and it took me more than a year to cope with it and try taking a related exam once again. It was my style to never open my study materials the night before exams because things will just go crumbling down in my mind. I hate cramming during exams. Then, a night before that exam, since I was sharing my room with some other test takers, instead of being able to sleep early so I could wake up early and refreshed the next day, I wasn't able to avoid overhearing how they reviewed. Everything I heard jumbled everything I have reviewed and stored on my mind. The next day, my mind went blank during the exam and my life was never the same again.

 

[Xzreplays]

I try to make sure that I set my self small goals which I know I am able to reach at the end of the time period, this will prevent me from procrastinating and getting the work done. However sometimes I don't get motivated to continue the tasks which makes me feel lazy the next day so I prevent myself from being as productive as possible. But then again I tell myself I can do it and my family always tell me if I don't try my best I won't succed, this keeps me going and helps me to evolve.


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[ineedmystrength]

I get very anxious when I cannot be in control of a situation. When things don't go to plan, I have a very hard time keeping my emotions in check, and have been known to have breakdowns. This has gotten much better, with medication and CBT, but I still can't stand not being in control. Now, I think of a "Plan B" and even "Plan C" long in advance so anything that goes wrong can be kept in perspective, and I can still feel like I have control.

 

[lydiag75]

I have this same problem and it is the worst when people cancel plans with me. I was on vacation recently and my boyfriend and I would always plan a video call for around 8 PM but most days he ended up not being able to make the call on time and I would freak out and start crying. I don't know how to calm myself down when that happens and it's really hard to deal with.

 

[Moroccanbeauty2266]

I am the kind of person who focuses on Plan A but always considers a plan B because based on my life experience it can always happen that things do not work out. Having a plan B gives me some backup and I do not get that anxious if I have to follow through it.