When things aren't stable

[amy88]

I find that my anxiety really peaks when I am in situations where there is a lot of change and things aren't stable.


Right now my husband is contemplating leaving his job when his current contract is up in a year. I don't think he would have trouble finding another job - he's a successful marketable guy - but as I'm a SAHM right now and we have a little one, I worry about her, I worry about potentially moving, about where our income will be coming from... I worry about all that kind of stuff!


How good are you at dealing with change? Any particular things that trigger anxiety in you?

 

[oportosanto]

Change does trigger anxiety in me as well, but I try to live one day at a time and that usually helps. I mean, what am I gaining in worrying about something that might or might not happen in the future? I gain nothing but worrying, anxiety and eventually depression and being unable to enjoy the present fully.

 

[Alex]

Anxiety flares up when we have no control, but it seems in your case it is in control and it's about choices. While it's understandable to be concerned, change can be good and in your husband's case it is a move up and not down.


It would be far worse if he didn't have those choices or you didn't. Things are more stable than you imagine, and while you shouldn't compare yourself to others I know people who had everything and lost their jobs and homes. When you lose that control and don't have choices, you still cope somehow. As one gets older, you realize there was nothing to worry about and that things could be far worse.Life is about change, evolving and growing and that means the lows as well as the highs.

 

[MVLaHearse]

I can understand being anxious about wondering where money to survive and be comfortable is going to come from. It's relatively normal to experience anxiety and worries about going into unfamiliar territory. It's hard enough for people that are laid back and take things as they come but when you are an anxious person it's even more difficult. Plus moving is never fun and most of the time it's stressful. What helps me is spending time planning to keep me distracted and it feels like I'm being productive while cutting down on potential stress and anxiety. If there's anything you like to do 5 minutes of enjoying it is extremely helpful. Listening to music, drawing, writing or just spacing for 5 minutes to let your mind rest helps me when I'm anxious about change or lack of stability. if you can get a sitter or someone to take the kid or kids going out to movie and dinner or just taking a break to enjoy the peace and quiet might help cut into the overwhelming anxiety.

 

[Sue]

I have found that my anxiety always flares up when I feel like I don't have control of the situation. It is only normal to worry about money and your daughter and when your husband will find another job. I am sure you will feel some relief once he finds another job. It would be good if he had another one set up to go to before he leaves his present job. I wish him all the best and I hope he finds something quickly. If he doesn't like his present job then there is no sense for him to stay there and be miserable.

 

[sidney]

I think I can handle change well, although it really depends on how negative the change is. I'm more of a "go with the flow" type of person, so I try to adapt and adjust as much as I can without letting it get to me. Looking back, I have had some pretty distressing changes in my life, and thankfully I was able to weather those storms and it made me stronger as a result.

 

[John Snort]

Change is something that makes most people anxious. So many bad things could happen . . . but fact is whatever will happen will happen and worrying about the worst won't change much should what fear most come to pass. I've learned not to fear change. If it comes, let it come and I'll just "roll with the changes". All we have is the present. Enjoy it while you can and worry not about the future. That said, @OP, since you say your husband is a marketable guy you shouldn't worry about him failing to get a new job.

 

[NormaD]

Entering any segment of my life where I don't have total control always brings up a degree of anxiety for me. I try to find new and effective ways to deal with these situations as they arise, but there is no getting away from the fact that I love to be in control of every situation and know beforehand what the outcome is likely to be, so if I have to quit my job and I didn't knwo where the next one was coming from, I think that would really send me over the edge.

 

[SirJoe]

Not knowing the future can really cause anxiety. Most people are people of habit and just as long as the changes aren't very big they can deal with it, but it sounds to me that you are going to go through a very big change. I think you should focus on the positive side of it. A fresh start is always good and you might feel anxious now but when you get there you will see that having a new life can really be exciting.

 

[fuzyon]

Change definitely triggers me, it usually takes a while before I can regain composure. I hate unstability though, lately my parents have been dealing with financial issues and I've been trying to help but my anxiety levels have gone through the roof. I'm sure the situation will be solved in the future but I can't help but be worried. Entering a new stage in life also makes me really anxious because I don't know what to expect, it's a similar situation in hindsight.

 

[Laneorexorcist]

It's curious, because sometimes I worry when things are somewhat stable, because then I know that something bad is going to happen and I'm just anxiously waiting for that bad thing to happen, it's something that I really need to work in. Now that you mentioned, change is always a really scary thing for me, but strangely I got adapted to it kind of fast... So the bad aspect of it is just momentary, I guess.

 

[Quirah]

I think that having anxiety over change is normal. I know I had anxiety back when I changed schools and even now because I'm about to start college. Don't beat yourself up over it. Have you told your husband about your anxiety? Maybe it'll help if the two of you talk.

 

[MissTea]

None of us like not knowing what the future holds. For those of us with anxiety, this can be a major source of stress. I always want to know exactly what is going to happen in my future. If I ask someone a simple favor like 'please take me to the store' and they say, "I'll see" or "OK, maybe" I get really frustrated. I need yes or no answers. I have to be certain about everything that is going to happen. I don't like stepping into an unstable situation and possibly getting blindsided.

 

[djordjem87]

I have these reactions too but not always actually. The trigger is not the same of course to all the people but it is more the same for all the people in a sense that triggers are various. I do not like to talk about the things that are not possible to solve and are very serious. It makes anxious on the first thought and it is partly because I really do not like to talk in vain and talking about unicorns saving your life is pretty much a waste of time. Put in all that a debt and a possible lawsuit from some phone company or power company and you'll have me anxious a lot.

 

[Corzhens]

It is normal for me to worry a bit when change is coming like what you said, moving to another job. But I remember when we bought this house in 2001, I was not a bit worried, not even anxious maybe because my excitement had overridden those emotions. This is our very first property and we were renting a house before we got a bank loan for a mortgage. It really didn't matter to me if I was hungry or tired, I was always energetic. And when we moved in, that's when the anxiety came in. I began to see the problems like the quiet neighborhood which is scary at night. There was a vast grassy land nearby which can elicit fear when it is dark. And I was always sleeping lightly for there might be intruders in our property. I think it took a year before I got really settled here.

 

[amy88]

Anxiety flares up when we have no control, but it seems in your case it is in control and it's about choices. While it's understandable to be concerned, change can be good and in your husband's case it is a move up and not down.
It would be far worse if he didn't have those choices or you didn't. Things are more stable than you imagine, and while you shouldn't compare yourself to others I know people who had everything and lost their jobs and homes. When you lose that control and don't have choices, you still cope somehow. As one gets older, you realize there was nothing to worry about and that things could be far worse.Life is about change, evolving and growing and that means the lows as well as the highs.

I love the way you reframed this - as something we can control rather than something that's out of our hands. My husband and I have really been talking more in the last 24 hours about this exact thing -- we are the ones calling the shots so we are feeling a bit more at ease with the possibility of it.

 

[DDNatureLover]

Lack of control and change are definite triggers for my anxiety. There are a lot of things in my life that I don't have control over, which is why I have been so anxious lately. It seems I go through stages when the anxiety really gets out of control, and that's the place I've been for several months. First it was the health issues, and now the bills for those procedures and treatments are rolling in, and I have no way to pay them. I was able to pay the smallest, which helped me mentally, although it didn't have much of an impact on the pile of unpaid bills. I have to call the hospital and deal with them this week, but I'm putting that off until I take care of some other things first, and can catch my breath.

 

[Alex]

amy88 it is how we react to things that can make a difference, and I know people who have a very stable life who panic, and some people who live hand to mouth who have a happy go lucky attitude. In some ways I envy them, but it's how they have learned to live.


I have a friend who lives in social housing and she just lives for the day and doesn't plan, yet I have a friend who is well off who panics and worries all of the time. Being around different kinds of people has made me see and realize that money and stability aren't always factors for calmness. It's down to how we react and perceive the situation. I am sure you and your husband will be fine, and having choices is also about free will and control; often we don't realize that until someone tells us. You many not have many choices, but at least you have some.

 

[justsayyes]

I'm really bad at dealing with changes. I hate change. It messes up my safe routine and everything. But sometimes, there's just no other way but to allow change in your life. When changes happen, i get really stressed out trying to find a safe zone, sometimes it takes days for me to get used to the change but it happens and then this new change becomes my new comfort zone.

 

[Surrender]

I have been dealing with this for at least 3 years - everything being unstable, being unsure what the future holds, and negative life changing events happening one after the other, it's been like being on a rollercoaster. I have tried depression medication, counseling, and other techniques, but at this point in my journey what has worked best for me is to surrender, and have faith that my life is unfolding as it should, that my worry does not change a situation, and that I am meant to encounter these changes and uncertainties to constantly evolve my life to the next chapter. Having anxiety over the uncertainty changes nothing, it just causes more problems. So I just try to let go, relax, surrender to God's will for my life, and try and stay as calm and collected as possible in the face of the changing winds.