When people around you are cranky!

[MellowCat]

When other people around me are in the same room being super cranky, it makes me really anxious. I feel like they are literally blowing negative energy out of their mouths and I'm absorbing it somehow.


This morning my parents are arguing, and whenever that happens my dad is super mean and nasty and critical. My mom almost never starts it, and she usually answers quietly and politely, but then he gets her upset and she starts getting cranky too.


It makes me want to just leave the house, but I don't have a car currently, and it's very hot outside.

 

[Sunflower_Michele54]

I can totally relate to you when it comes to this situation. If I feel negative vibes from people, it puts me in a bad mood as well. That does cause more problems, though. People will be negative back if you're acting negative because they're also acting negative. Negativity feeds negativity. Sometimes, even being positive towards some people doesn't work. This is because they're going through so many negative things such as life stresses, and dealing with other people who are acting negative towards them. It makes me want to avoid them, but then, it will make them feel worse. They may also feel like I don't like them due to the fact that I feel nervous about associating with them.


Since you don't have a car, and you don't feel comfortable being outside, try going to an area where no one is around. Maybe talking to them when they're in better moods will probably be more to listening to you express your concerns. That's what I do when I want to tell someone about something that bothers me.

 

[MellowCat]

Thank you sunflower, I appreciate the thoughts. I can probably go downstairs with my laptop, though internet is iffy down there at times. But I could also use the opportunity to do some reading or writing, and I have been saying for weeks that I need to get back to doing those more. So, really, I guess I could see this is a positive thing because it might motivate me to use my time wisely. I never thought of it that way before!


Currently, my sister does need to do some errands, so we are actually going to get out after all. That will help my mood too, and maybe everyone else will be in a better mood when we get home.

 

[amy88]

100% get this. My mother growing up was like this - would always be in a bad mood for no reason, she would snap and yell at me and my siblings for no good reason - and I guess I've been trained in a sense to walk on eggshells when people are in a bad mood. I can't stand being around people when I feel those negative vibes coming my way, it really seems to make my anxiety fire up. I'm also constantly asking people if they're mad or upset, since I feel like the slightest bad mood is something to worry about in others.

 

[MellowCat]

100% get this. My mother growing up was like this - would always be in a bad mood for no reason' date=' she would snap and yell at me and my siblings for no good reason - and I guess I've been trained in a sense to walk on eggshells when people are in a bad mood. I can't stand being around people when I feel those negative vibes coming my way, it really seems to make my anxiety fire up. I'm also constantly asking people if they're mad or upset, since I feel like the slightest bad mood is something to worry about in others.[/quote']
Amy, you got me wondering about two things:


1. I wonder how many of us grew up in homes with cranky people/people who made us feel bad.


I wonder this because it occurs to me that social anxiety could be very easily be related to how we grew up. The people we spent the most time with in our formative years were relatives, and they might have, however inadvertently, instilled in us some kind of fear of people/talking/socializing because of their bad moods.


2. I wonder how many of us are always checking to see if someone else is upset because we are upset ourselves.


This was kind of a side thought, and I may have slightly veered from your point with it, but I have always found myself regularly asking good friends "are you okay?" It took me a while to realize that I was usually asking this because I was feeling uneasy.


Just some thoughts!

 

[amy88]

Amy, you got me wondering about two things:


1. I wonder how many of us grew up in homes with cranky people/people who made us feel bad.


I wonder this because it occurs to me that social anxiety could be very easily be related to how we grew up. The people we spent the most time with in our formative years were relatives, and they might have, however inadvertently, instilled in us some kind of fear of people/talking/socializing because of their bad moods.


2. I wonder how many of us are always checking to see if someone else is upset because we are upset ourselves.


This was kind of a side thought, and I may have slightly veered from your point with it, but I have always found myself regularly asking good friends "are you okay?" It took me a while to realize that I was usually asking this because I was feeling uneasy.


Just some thoughts!

Both really good points - my husband actually asks me the same when I ask him if he's mad! He's like - are you sure YOU are alright? Are you worried about something?


It's interesting how our anxiety can project onto others and we assume the way we feel is the way they must be feeling!


And yes, I fully believe that my upbringing caused part of my anxiety. Maybe not all of it, but I think it was a huge factor in making me who I am today.

 

[kelden]

This also kept me thinking about my childhood's family nexus was responsible of my social anxiety. I didn't have the luck of growing up with a functional family, my parents used to argue almost all the time before eventually divorce. Therefore, It was quite typical that a funny and exciting summer family vacation ended up as a trip of sheer bitterness.

 

[rootle]

It doesn't bother me much really. My dad is cranky very, very often and has been throughout my life. The fact that so many other people here also seem to have had cranky parents makes it seem as though this may be part of what causes anxiety in people as they grow up.

 

[pwarbi]

In the past I used to let other people's moods affect my mood, but as I've grown older, I've got to the point where I don't care how others are feeling and I'll just carry on being myself regardless. That might sound a bit selfish, but if I can help to cheer others up then I will do, but all too often I think other people can be in a mood and it drags everybody else's mood down with them so now I just ignore them the best way that I can.


Dealing with fluctuating mood sings when dealing with anxiety and depression yourself can be hard enough, without also having to deal with everybody else's moods as well.

 

[MellowCat]

In the past I used to let other people's moods affect my mood, but as I've grown older, I've got to the point where I don't care how others are feeling and I'll just carry on being myself regardless. That might sound a bit selfish, but if I can help to cheer others up then I will do, but all too often I think other people can be in a mood and it drags everybody else's mood down with them so now I just ignore them the best way that I can.
Dealing with fluctuating mood sings when dealing with anxiety and depression yourself can be hard enough, without also having to deal with everybody else's moods as well.

Pwarbi, I don't see that as selfish, I see it as admirable, and a quality to aspire to. A lot of the time I am able to partially tune out the moods, but there are times when it just seems impossible. In those cases, normally walking out of the room or going outside to get some fresh air is helpful.


But I do admire you, and think that that attitude is very good.

 

[pwarbi]

If walking away from a situation and putting some distance between that person and yourself works for you, then that's also one of the hardest thing to do as well for a lot of people as they won't want to look like they are backing down, so credit to you too for being able to do that. The best way to avoid stress is to try and not put yourself in that situation in the first place, but as I'm sure we're al too well aware sometimes that just isn't possible and we have to find way's in which to deal with things in our own way.

 

[Elly]

I grew up in an emotionally abusive home situation, too. For too long did I take the attitude that everybody else's foul moods were valid and worthy of expression when mine were not, or that it's cowardly or selfish not to stick around or volunteer to be someone else's doormat or punching bag. It looks like one's oversensitive, but when it becomes a constant anxiety because of that treatment and silencing...well, it's abusive.


It's okay to do what you need to feel comfortable and safe.


(Another awful thing is, though, I am cautious about putting the above idea out there because some emotional abusers use neglect as effectively, so getting anxious about being abandoned is another problem, or getting anxious that confronting someone else about their abuse is itself abusive because that first abuser can't or won't confront it claiming anxiety...but if I say 'claiming' anxiety then they can say 'claiming' anxiety to my anxiety that was brought about by their abuse and compounded by their neglect, that may or may not have come from their anxiety and round and round it goes. Which it usually goes anyway in my head, but relationships outside my head can also still be exhausting.)

 

[foolsgold]

I agree with you and I think my situation's a little bit worse. My family's quite "loud" and I get stressed out as well even if they're only have loud, over the top conversations and not necessarily arguing or bickering. What I do in these instances, I just go to my room and shut out with music or movies/tv series.

 

[Panic57]

My family is terrifying when they're cranky. Things never fail to get broken. Not on purpose but just dropped, or bumped, or just handled a little to roughly. Then the demands to either leave someone alone or get them something without any manners, just makes me tense. When they are really cranky nothing makes them happy and I usually just hide in my room until it passes.


I won't deal with cranky people I'm not close to. I just leave because it upsets me so much to deal with them. The only exception was dealing with my boss or workers, where I can't escape their mood. It's horrible to work with so I try to work quicker to avoid them.