What if it wasn't?

[Roxxy1428]

Hello. I'm new here and this post is mainly why I signed up. I've always had "what if" thoughts about the future, but lately I've been having what if moments about the past. I recently was hired for an internship and set up a start time for my first day with my supervisor.

11:00 on Tuesday.

I never wrote it down on the spot because I've always been good with remembering times. I have a sort of synesthesia when it comes to remembering times and dates (I'd like to explain synesthesia, but it might take awhile. Look it up, it's quite interesting.) I wrote it down when I got home and put it on my cork board above my desk instead. As I sat there at my computer listening to music and surfing the internet for fun, my mind started to wander and I stared at the note card with my internship start day and time. What follows is a stream of my consciousness:

"11:00 on Tuesday. 11:00 on Tuesday. Tuesday at 11:00. Are you sure it's 11:00? Yeah, because I suggested 11:00 and was surprised at myself that I suggested 11:00 because it was such a late start in the morning and I'm usually an early bird when it comes to working. My supervisor even said I would miss the morning meeting. What if it wasn't 11:00 and it's at 10:00? If you think it's such a late time, maybe it's actually at 10:00. No. It's at 11:00 because it just feels right when I think about it. Tuesday at 10:00 doesn't sound or feel right. Are you sure? You should call and double check."

I wanted to call and double check but I felt like I would be giving into my silly paranoid thoughts. My supervisor won't be in on Monday so I can't call her directly. I'll have to contact the company to see if they will put me in contact with the department to ask about my scheduled time. Even if I can find out my time from them, I worry about how I look as a professional. Does calling the day before (or even the morning of) my internship to double check my start time seem unprofessional and irresponsible? What if I am bothering them with my stupid time problem? How does this make me look as a professional since I didn't write it down right away?

Deep down, I believe that it's 11:00, but my thoughts keep saying "Are you sure?" "What if it's actually 10:00 on Tuesday?" "Double check even though you know it's 11:00. You could be wrong!"

Any advice or similar experiences? I feel like I'm going crazy. I've made big deals out of small things before, but this takes the cake for me. It's been hell all weekend.

 

[misszerable]

Oh yeah, that has happened a few times to me this past years and I've associated this either with stress for having too many things running on my mind and anxiety when something important is about to happen. I'm usually confident about my ability to recall things but this still happens. This is the first time I've read something about synesthesia, though, and thought that it sound a lot better than early onset dementia or Alzheimer's disease which I sometimes feel is what's causing me to forget or get confused about some details.

As for your specific situation, knowing that it is that important to come on time for your first internship day, I would have called the HR people to confirm my schedule and ask further if I need a form of identification or endorsement from them. I wouldn't worry about it being interpreted as unprofessional. You didn't even have to tell them that you forgot or was confused about the time. Or, if that isn't possible, what I would do is to come early at 10 AM. I'm sure that will only mean a little adjustment on your schedule but resolving to do so will calm you and stop the train of thoughts from going somewhere else.

 

[janemariesayed]

To put your mind at rest I would make that call and check. I don't think it makes you look unprofessional. In fact, it gives the opposite impression. They will look at you as a person who wants to be reliable and I'm sure they would rather you check than be late.

I am exactly the way you are with remembering things and checking things. I have a diary on my desk and if I don't write things down I will forget. When I have too much going on I can't deal with everything as it is too much for my mind to cope. I am always double checking things. Even with small things like locking the doors in my home. I may check three or four times before I am satisfied that I have locked up properly. I'll lock the front door, porch door then the back door. Then I will have to check the front door and porch door again. I laugh at myself because it is crazy. So you are not alone. It's just a symptom of our mental illness. I accept it and go with the flow of it. It bothers others more than it bothers me. Yet, it bothers me that it bothers others, and others don't understand it.