I used the word, "episode", for lack of a better word or term. This is how it works for me. I will define "episode" as a period of intense anxiety which may include actual panic attacks. If not panic attacks, at the least I feel like adrenaline is coursing through my veins. It's basically fight or flight during these periods. These periods last anywhere from a month to over a year.
On a regular basis I deal with OCD. I have coping mechanisms that I developed over the years but it never leaves me alone. At best I fight it off to live another day. Some days are better than others, but every day I am visited by OCD. Mine takes the form of intrusive thoughts. The thoughts may be harm-related or spiritual in nature. Dealing with OCD is a very tiresome task. Often, I wish that it could all be over. How funny it is that when I am in fight or flight mode, my desire for the future changes. In those instances I want to live; I want a good future! If I had to choose between OCD and pure-blown panic, I would choose OCD. The problem is, obviously, the two are linked.
The episodes begin when either my OCD went too far and my coping mechanisms failed or it could be something like a physical symptom that leads me to dreading cancer or some such malady. Then I am off to the races. As I said above, these episodes of intense fear may last only a month or they could last more than a year. This is what I have been dealing with for the last 30 plus years. I realize that I always had anxiety problems, even early in life, but everything changed when I had my first panic attack. Everything was ratcheted up many levels after that first attack. It's like a football player who has his first concussion. After that first one, it's much easier to be concussed.
I have had some relatively good stretches along the way. The OCD never leaves but at least it is held in check. I might go two years in between episodes but it always comes back. And each new episode feels worse than the last.
So, in summary:
OCD is like a ball and chain. Very tiresome. Very frustrating; it beats me down. Sometimes it can lead to terror but usually it is more like mind-numbing work.
Episodes are like non-stop falling; parachute won't open; fear and terror.
On a regular basis I deal with OCD. I have coping mechanisms that I developed over the years but it never leaves me alone. At best I fight it off to live another day. Some days are better than others, but every day I am visited by OCD. Mine takes the form of intrusive thoughts. The thoughts may be harm-related or spiritual in nature. Dealing with OCD is a very tiresome task. Often, I wish that it could all be over. How funny it is that when I am in fight or flight mode, my desire for the future changes. In those instances I want to live; I want a good future! If I had to choose between OCD and pure-blown panic, I would choose OCD. The problem is, obviously, the two are linked.
The episodes begin when either my OCD went too far and my coping mechanisms failed or it could be something like a physical symptom that leads me to dreading cancer or some such malady. Then I am off to the races. As I said above, these episodes of intense fear may last only a month or they could last more than a year. This is what I have been dealing with for the last 30 plus years. I realize that I always had anxiety problems, even early in life, but everything changed when I had my first panic attack. Everything was ratcheted up many levels after that first attack. It's like a football player who has his first concussion. After that first one, it's much easier to be concussed.
I have had some relatively good stretches along the way. The OCD never leaves but at least it is held in check. I might go two years in between episodes but it always comes back. And each new episode feels worse than the last.
So, in summary:
OCD is like a ball and chain. Very tiresome. Very frustrating; it beats me down. Sometimes it can lead to terror but usually it is more like mind-numbing work.
Episodes are like non-stop falling; parachute won't open; fear and terror.
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