MissUnderstood
New Member
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2019
- Messages
- 9
- Reaction score
- 6
Hi, everyone! I'm new here! I haven't been on a forum in about 15 years. The reason I decided to join is that I'm having major anxiety about going to my nephew's wedding (oldest brother's son). I've had anxiety pretty-much my whole life. Anyway, I thought talking about it may help, and I may be able to get some advice.
IDK where to begin, it's such a long, drawn-out story with so many contributing factors. I guess to make the long story short. I am 52 years old and the only female sibling in a family of 5 kids. Instead of being cherished or protected by my brothers, they seem to enjoy making fun of me, judging me, and looking down their nose at me. The oldest is the worst. He is majorly narcissistic and male chauvinistic.
There seems to be 2 social groups in my family--the thin, good-looking, social butterfly, rich, everything comes easy for them group. And the fat, ugly, introverted, struggled every step of the way, but, finally made it although still not accepted group. I'm in the 2nd group. I've spent a lifetime trying to be accepted as an equal in my family. I'm excluded most of the time. and, when I do get invited, I'm usually ignored or treated like I'm beneath them.
Background for why they treat me that way: I got married to the nicest guy who turned out to be a very evil man. I blame him for most of my anxiety. I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I got divorced after 10 years of misery. My oldest brother, having to keep up his reputation of being perfect for his church, would not allow me at his house or in his church, during and for some time after the divorce. He has been embarrassed of me since childhood. He didn't want anyone in school to know I was his sister. To this day, I meet people who know him and did not know he even had a sister. They know about his brothers, but, not me. I was never thin enough or pretty enough or bubbly enough.
Anyway, I dread going to his son's wedding. I have never fit in. All the beautiful thin overly-successful family members will be there. I feel like they don't really want me to come, but, they feel that they have to invite me. I feel like I have to go because he is my brother, and the rest of the family will be there. It is being held in my brother's barn. A barn wedding. The thing is, too, that he has taught his kids to treat me like I'm beneath them, too. And, they are good at it! It's nothing that most people can see. It's subtle, but, it's there. Done in private, or passed off as a joke, when I know they are not joking. Or, they simply humiliate me out in the open.
I will probably end up going, but, I haven't decided how I'm going to act. Like everything is fine, and like I'm SO happy for them and SO happy to see everyone (I hate being fake). Or, if I'm going to keep a very low profile and be kinda quiet. Or, if I'm gonna give them a little taste of their own medicine..... My brother has a large farm with several very expensive pieces of machinery---something he wouldn't have if his wife didn't have a 6-figure income. It makes me mad when he starts bragging about it. He acts like he built it up by himself! His farming produced next to no profits. Probably lost money, some years! His wife bought all of that land and buildings and farm equipment! When he starts bragging about it to wedding guests, I feel like saying--you mean the land that your wife bought you??? Hahahahaha! OMG.....I will probably get reprimanded!
The thing is....he is always cutting me down. Even at my own wedding reception (2nd marriage). He pulled me aside and cut me down! I feel like he needs to come down off his high-horse. He has made me feel worthless for years. Another source of my anxiety. I would love to give him a dose of what he has been giving me, all of my life! What to do......?
My husband says why do I go, when every time I go to a family gathering I come home upset and sob the next several days? Why do I always go back for more? Because I always feel like maybe this time it will be different. Maybe this time I will be accepted. Maybe this time they won't treat me like I'm beneath them. Maybe this time they will allow me to be an equal part of the family..... maybe if I wear an extra-nice outfit or put on more make-up, or do my hair up nicer they will accept me. Maybe if I try to be more bubbly and fake. It never works.
IDK where to begin, it's such a long, drawn-out story with so many contributing factors. I guess to make the long story short. I am 52 years old and the only female sibling in a family of 5 kids. Instead of being cherished or protected by my brothers, they seem to enjoy making fun of me, judging me, and looking down their nose at me. The oldest is the worst. He is majorly narcissistic and male chauvinistic.
There seems to be 2 social groups in my family--the thin, good-looking, social butterfly, rich, everything comes easy for them group. And the fat, ugly, introverted, struggled every step of the way, but, finally made it although still not accepted group. I'm in the 2nd group. I've spent a lifetime trying to be accepted as an equal in my family. I'm excluded most of the time. and, when I do get invited, I'm usually ignored or treated like I'm beneath them.
Background for why they treat me that way: I got married to the nicest guy who turned out to be a very evil man. I blame him for most of my anxiety. I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I got divorced after 10 years of misery. My oldest brother, having to keep up his reputation of being perfect for his church, would not allow me at his house or in his church, during and for some time after the divorce. He has been embarrassed of me since childhood. He didn't want anyone in school to know I was his sister. To this day, I meet people who know him and did not know he even had a sister. They know about his brothers, but, not me. I was never thin enough or pretty enough or bubbly enough.
Anyway, I dread going to his son's wedding. I have never fit in. All the beautiful thin overly-successful family members will be there. I feel like they don't really want me to come, but, they feel that they have to invite me. I feel like I have to go because he is my brother, and the rest of the family will be there. It is being held in my brother's barn. A barn wedding. The thing is, too, that he has taught his kids to treat me like I'm beneath them, too. And, they are good at it! It's nothing that most people can see. It's subtle, but, it's there. Done in private, or passed off as a joke, when I know they are not joking. Or, they simply humiliate me out in the open.
I will probably end up going, but, I haven't decided how I'm going to act. Like everything is fine, and like I'm SO happy for them and SO happy to see everyone (I hate being fake). Or, if I'm going to keep a very low profile and be kinda quiet. Or, if I'm gonna give them a little taste of their own medicine..... My brother has a large farm with several very expensive pieces of machinery---something he wouldn't have if his wife didn't have a 6-figure income. It makes me mad when he starts bragging about it. He acts like he built it up by himself! His farming produced next to no profits. Probably lost money, some years! His wife bought all of that land and buildings and farm equipment! When he starts bragging about it to wedding guests, I feel like saying--you mean the land that your wife bought you??? Hahahahaha! OMG.....I will probably get reprimanded!
The thing is....he is always cutting me down. Even at my own wedding reception (2nd marriage). He pulled me aside and cut me down! I feel like he needs to come down off his high-horse. He has made me feel worthless for years. Another source of my anxiety. I would love to give him a dose of what he has been giving me, all of my life! What to do......?
My husband says why do I go, when every time I go to a family gathering I come home upset and sob the next several days? Why do I always go back for more? Because I always feel like maybe this time it will be different. Maybe this time I will be accepted. Maybe this time they won't treat me like I'm beneath them. Maybe this time they will allow me to be an equal part of the family..... maybe if I wear an extra-nice outfit or put on more make-up, or do my hair up nicer they will accept me. Maybe if I try to be more bubbly and fake. It never works.