want to change, but I have no discipline

[Guest]

I am a woman in my mid-thirties, never been married, no children. I work a 9-5 job and own a dog. At times my life seems very good. I have been dating a new guy, who likes the outdoors even more than I do, I like where I live and I really have nothing I should complain about.


However, beginning a few years ago I started drinking every night. Almost exclusively wine, anywhere from 1 glass to an entire bottle. I also battle with smoking. I am close to positive that I indulge in this things due to an ever-present anxiety looming over me. Like many others I have also been through cycles of depression for years. (I have been to therapy once, for about 6 months, and was diagnosed with depression and general anxiety.)


I tell myself a few times a week that I am not going to come home and drink, and that I am giving up cigarettes for good since I cant seem to only smoke sometimes, like I hoped was possible. I isolate myself, really believe that I like being alone but at the same time I know it isn't good for my mental health. I have no motivation when I get home after work. I just want to escape. I don't know how to change this except wait for that inevitable day where magically I have the energy to run after work. I then usually have a brief period of health, until something triggers depression or until I am feeling so happy that I want to "celebrate" by drinking and smoking. I have never felt like an alcoholic- I am a very reserved person for the most part. But I don't know how to have discipline in my life, and not "need" these substances to relax. Anyone have advice? Thanks in advance, this is my first time trying this.

 

[Guest]

I am no expert, but it does sound like you are "self medicating" through alcohol (VERY common). Why not check out an A. A. meeting? I believe if you don't want to say anything you can just sit in the back and listen and see if you relate to the discussion. Also check out A A on line, I bet they have good web information. Its (almost) impossible to get out from any addiction alone - the support is out there.

 

[sydney1237]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I think you should try out an A A meeting, because like plum1 said, the help is always out there. Do you think there might be a hobby or two you could spend your time doing to take your mind off of your anxiety? I know that sometimes when I get anxious, overly bored, or just down it general, it really helps me to pick up a book and escape, draw/paint, or write my feelings down. If you and your boyfriend love the outdoors, maybe you could try planning trips every so often to get out and discover new things. Try to find things during your day/week that you know will make you even a tiny bit happier. You could also try talking to your doctor (or even search it online) to give you advice on how to make good choices when it comes to alcohol and cigarettes. I hope you feel better soon, and just remember there are always people to help you through this rough patch!

 

[fuzyon]

I'm going to be blunt and say that there's no "magic" and if you want your life to change you have to take the necessary steps and progress forward. You will not be more productive if you sit on your couch all day and watch TV shows, that's for certain. Don't try to do it all at once though, building up discipline is a long process that can even take years to master, you have to slowly start doing other things that are going to improve you as a person rather than wasting time for no reason. Brushing your teeth 2 times a day for example is an exercise of discipline, start with that. I know it's hard at the start, but you can do it!

 

[mauricioq]

You should reduce the alcohol, sometimes it can make it much worse because you start to feel dependent on it. You should also start to smoke less and less, to the point where you're barely smoking. It's all psychological, you didn't born addicted to this thing, so you can stop at any time, if you use the power of your mind to overcome it.

 

[CarlosTL]

I am a woman in my mid-thirties, never been married, no children. I work a 9-5 job and own a dog. At times my life seems very good. I have been dating a new guy, who likes the outdoors even more than I do, I like where I live and I really have nothing I should complain about.
However, beginning a few years ago I started drinking every night. Almost exclusively wine, anywhere from 1 glass to an entire bottle. I also battle with smoking. I am close to positive that I indulge in this things due to an ever-present anxiety looming over me. Like many others I have also been through cycles of depression for years. (I have been to therapy once, for about 6 months, and was diagnosed with depression and general anxiety.)


I tell myself a few times a week that I am not going to come home and drink, and that I am giving up cigarettes for good since I cant seem to only smoke sometimes, like I hoped was possible. I isolate myself, really believe that I like being alone but at the same time I know it isn't good for my mental health. I have no motivation when I get home after work. I just want to escape. I don't know how to change this except wait for that inevitable day where magically I have the energy to run after work. I then usually have a brief period of health, until something triggers depression or until I am feeling so happy that I want to "celebrate" by drinking and smoking. I have never felt like an alcoholic- I am a very reserved person for the most part. But I don't know how to have discipline in my life, and not "need" these substances to relax. Anyone have advice? Thanks in advance, this is my first time trying this.

Well first of all, I'd like to start with a positive note and point out that you're luckier than some who indulge in far worse behaviors (over-eating, substance abuse, cocaine etc)...The type of self-indulgent practices you're engaged in are pretty common and mild. Have you experienced with breaking your routine for a relatively long period? e.g. taking a 6 weeks vacation or something like that? You may want to immerse yourself into a complete different world for a while or try "consuming" experiences rather than wine/cigarettes.

 

[misszerable]

If your alcoholism and smoking are byproducts of your depression and general anxiety, I think you have to address these issues firsthand. Go for therapies but you have to help yourself. You said that you're dating a guy who loves the outdoors, how about inviting him to go out and have fun? If you're bored, then try new activities that can perk you up and distract you from drinking. Take a vacation. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help from your family or friends. 

 

[kelden]

Quite a complex case it is yours. Don't have any reasons to complain and also you're dating someone else. But it seems you're trying to fill some emptyness, perhaps a product of your lack of motivation in doing anything else different. Your habits may only harm yourself, both socially and physically, that's obvious. But unless you find any other ulterior purpose that helps deter you from smoking and drinking, then I'm afraid you'll be doing this for quite a while until you finally realize this is only feeding you with misery instead of joy.

 

[sidney]

Alcohol will do you no good. If you really want to solve and improve your situation, then I think that you should try to go to a psychiatrist to be evaluated regarding the severity of your anxiety. At the least, I think they will give you sleeping pills to lessen your anxiety and to calm you down.

 

[Panic57]

If you know that you self medicate, you should do your best to avoid your vices.  If you only drink at home, stop buying alcohol when you got grocery shopping.  The lack of alcohol in the house will prevent you from using it on a regular basis.  Smoking is harder to shake from what I've heard from my sister.  The only thing I can say is to put it a very high spot and get them individually instead of pulling them out of your pocket.  I've heard half and half where cold turkey is a must while others had to slowly ween themselves off it.  You'll need to pick which way you want to go and make a plan.  If you give them up cold turkey, throw them away now.  If you want to slowly ween yourself off them, you can sanctions you cigarette maximum a day and slowly reduce that over time.

 

[Sue]

I suggest you seek help. There is no shame in admitting that you can't do it on your own. Find a support group even if it is online it will help, it will help you be accountable for your choices and make you realize that you are not alone. Many others are struggling to witness various addictions. I wish you all the best. If you want to make changes you can but sometime you need the extra help.

 

[Choochoo]

Whenever I have a huge obstacle or challenge like this I usually just bite my lip and dive in and hope that after a few days or a week it can start to feel natural to me. Most of the time what prevents me from making changes similar to this is thinking about it too much or thinking too far ahead, so I just try and remind myself that I can always revert back to whatever I am doing now if a week doesn't do it for me. I can definitely sympathize with this mentality and behavior though as I know most people who are outside this type of cycle would just label it as easy, but it have been through lots of these challenges and I still have a lot to get over until now and I know how difficult it is to get past the initial stage.