Waiting Anxiety (When waiting on someone)

[Casm1ra]

I'm in a long-distance relationship which means 90% of our interactions occur through technology. Although I love my boyfriend very much, he isn't the most time managed person out there. This means that a lot of our relationship, as wonderful as it is, involves me waiting for him to get in touch with me when he says he will.


For example:


"I'll call in 10 minutes." turns into an hour.


"I'll call soon/shortly." turns into 30 minutes or longer.


As understanding as I am, it triggers my anxiety, especially at night time when I need to sleep but don't want to miss out on a rare opportunity to speak with him. My fear during those times is that I'll be waiting all night under the impression that he'll call any minute when in reality he passed out hours ago without me knowing (obviously).


This has caused a lot of tension within our relationship in the past, and while I'm learning how to manage it better now, I still get incredibly anxious about having to wait for him. I don't understand why I get angry and anxious over this, so I'm wondering if there is anyone else who has felt this way that could give me insight so I can overcome it, or at least know what to do about it.


Also, it isn't just him. I get this way when waiting for friends or family to arrive as well. It could just be a case of impatience, but I get such an overwhelming feeling of nerves too.


TL;DR: Do you get anxious when waiting for someone? If so, how do you deal with it and where do you think that feeling comes from?


All answers, comments, and replies are greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

 

[Laneorexorcist]

Hmm... I'm not really sure if my case is really anxiety or not, but I'm usually a really really unpunctual person, and it's pretty weird when I'm waiting for someone because most of the times they arrive first and when they don't I start thinking about every single one of the possibilities of why they haven't arrived, and what would I do if they don't and what are going to think the people who saw me waiting all that time there, and I don't really deal with it, I just try to listen to some music, maybe smoking a cigarette until they arrive, is that or I call them to see what's up.

 

[Alex]

I'm a person that doesn't like people to be late, so It does frustrate me. As long as the person turns up or calls then I am okay, but it's when people flake out and don't bother I get annoyed. I had a friend who was supposed to meet me at a gallery and I waited an hour and finally when I called her she said she was home and too tired to leave the house. I was fuming, and since then if people don't turn up after 30 minutes or say they will be late, then I forget the whole thing. It is the only way to stay sane.

 

[It'sJaz]

I had a very long distance relationship last time, over 12 hours time difference between us. Yes, I got very anxious when waiting but I would just look at the clock and watch the seconds tick. It helped to calm me down. It also helps to occupy myself with something else like a book or a game, it passes time faster. Usually when someone doesn't show up after a while, I'll just forget it and stop expecting them, they're probably not going to appear anyway.

 

[sidney]

Oh yes I do, but only when waiting to hear from a love interest or a special someone. Sometimes when I know I'm expecting bad news I will get anxious as well, and if it's good news then I will feel excitement rather than anxiety. I'm quite patient though, so the anxiety doesn't really rear it's ugly head that often.

 

[DDNatureLover]

I also get anxious when waiting for people, news, appointments, etc. I really like to get things such as appointments over with, and then get back to my scheduled life. Even if I don't have activities scheduled, I like to know what the next few hours, at least, will consist of. It sounds as if you might need to adjust your expectations. If you're planning to ultimately be with this person in person, that could solve some of the issues, but if he leaves you waiting and passes out (whether just from sleepiness or some sort of substance), that's something that would bother me. It shows a lack of regard if it happens regularly. Of course, things like that do happen occasionally, when we're worn out, we can't help it, but if it's happening on a regular basis, and you want to stay with him, I'd do as It'sJaz mentioned, and distract yourself with other things. Distraction helps me a lot with my chronic pain, as well as my anxiety.

 

[Robilas]

I feel a lot anxious about that. I hate waiting for people, especially if I don't know how much I need to wait. I don't mind waiting for a few minutes, but if its too much I start wondering if the other person is going to show up at all. It happened to me in the past - I waited for almost an hour before getting a text: my date wasn't going to come, so I just went back home and felt very depressed for almost a month.


Sometimes a simple text can be really effective: even a simple warning can make me less anxious. It takes maybe 10 seconds but it comes a long way.

 

[judyd1]

Well, I'm a natural worrier anyway, so in the same situation, I'd be thinking: "what happened? Did he get in an accident? Did he get mugged? Is he hurt or passed out and can't call me or the police? What if the police have arrested him?...." and it just goes on and on until I hear from the person.


I know, because my daughter has been in 2 bad accidents in her life, and now every time she leaves in the car, I immediately begin worrying until (a) she comes through the door or (b)I find something else to worry about. I worry about her texting while she's driving, and I've warned her to stop--but I want to hear from her so I know she's alright. ...sigh....I usually just worry quietly and don't tell her.


And one of the worst things about worrying is that it involves the whole body--not just your mind that's thinking of the horrible things that can go and might go wrong, but also your stomach that's twisted up in knots.

 

[lexinonomous]

I experienced this in my last relationship, which was also long distance. Waiting on someone to call gives me the worst anxiety. I begin to feel as if I'm bothering them and that's why they aren't calling. I also hate waiting for someone to respond to a text message. It is the worst feeling in the world! I feel as if they are avoiding me or are upset with me.


One of the worst experiences to me is when I know someone is somewhat upset with me and isn't answering my text messages. It just makes me feel as if I'm going to lose a friend. The idea of losing friends terrifies me because I don't like the idea of being alone in the world.

 

[amy88]

100% yes, I don't know exactly why I do, either.


The best example I can give from my own life is when my husband is late from work. He'll say that he'll be home by 6, for instance - but even if it's 6.15pm, 6.30, I start to get anxious. Thoughts go through my head - where is he? Is he in trouble? Did he have a car crash? Is he still stuck at work and hasn't bothered to contact me?


I just hate things being thrown off plan - even if there is no malice behind it, it can still really stress me out.

 

[Sue]

Definitely! If somebody tells me they are going to call at a certain time or they are going to be home at a certain and I don't hear from them then I become very anxious. My anxiety clicks in and I immediately begin to think the worse. I worry that something may have happened to them. My mind and worry will drive me crazy until I finally hear from them. It is such a great relief when I finally hear from them. Even hours later though I still feel rattled from the anxiety.

 

[John Snort]

Casm1ra, one way to deal with the problem is by being the person who calls. Instead of waiting for your boyfriend to call why not call him? Or you could be honest and tell him waiting for his calls makes you anxious, could be he'll try to call on time the next time? For me, waiting always does make me very angry especially if the person I'm supposed to meet is late.

 

[NormaD]

I'm in a long-distance relationship which means 90% of our interactions occur through technology. Although I love my boyfriend very much, he isn't the most time managed person out there. This means that a lot of our relationship, as wonderful as it is, involves me waiting for him to get in touch with me when he says he will.
For example:


"I'll call in 10 minutes." turns into an hour.


"I'll call soon/shortly." turns into 30 minutes or longer.


As understanding as I am, it triggers my anxiety, especially at night time when I need to sleep but don't want to miss out on a rare opportunity to speak with him. My fear during those times is that I'll be waiting all night under the impression that he'll call any minute when in reality he passed out hours ago without me knowing (obviously).


This has caused a lot of tension within our relationship in the past, and while I'm learning how to manage it better now, I still get incredibly anxious about having to wait for him. I don't understand why I get angry and anxious over this, so I'm wondering if there is anyone else who has felt this way that could give me insight so I can overcome it, or at least know what to do about it.


Also, it isn't just him. I get this way when waiting for friends or family to arrive as well. It could just be a case of impatience, but I get such an overwhelming feeling of nerves too.


TL;DR: Do you get anxious when waiting for someone? If so, how do you deal with it and where do you think that feeling comes from?


All answers, comments, and replies are greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

That feeling comes from your thoughts of worry. You are probably focusing on negative things rather than positive scenarios when you imagine the possible reasons why your boyfriend (or family) could be late. For example, if your man told you he'll be there in an hour and the one hour turned into two and then three, someone might focus on the fact that he is late because he is either cheating or something bad happened to him on the way over, and yet someone else might tell themselves that he might have lost track of time and he's probably on his way or he had to stop and buy some flowers for me or something... What you choose to focus on will determine the mood that you will be in when your boyfriend eventually does arrive and also how well you cope with the waiting.

 

[Corzhens]

My husband is the patient here but I guess waiting is not really related to his anxiety issues. He is a stickler when it comes to time, not wanting to be late and he has a sure reprimand when someone comes in late for the appointment. Sometimes he even hints on his boss when he comes in late. I remember when we were dating, he would leave when I am not in the appointed place 5 minutes after the agreed time. In other words, I cannot be late by 5 minutes or else... But things have changed a bit when the cellphones came to fore. He is at least doing something and his temperament is not that bad anymore. Thanks to the cellphone.


Some 10 years ago, I was a wedding sponsor to a colleague's wedding. The invitation said 3:30 pm so we arrived early. My husband was driving and he also holds the camera. We were holed up in the car in that hot afternoon when we came by 2:30pm, that's a good one hour of waiting. But that's fine, at least we are not late. However, when 3:30pm came, there was another wedding. The fact is, the wedding was at 4:30pm and the couple indicated an hour in advance on the invitation for the sake of the latecomers. It's really sad because that advanced time on the invitation is getting to be the standard now.

 

[janemariesayed]

Not so much now as I used to be years ago. Before, I would get quite frantic and upset if they hadn't turned up by 10 minutes before. Although a few months ago, my brother visited and was not on the train he told me he was going to be on. I thought he had let me down and not come so I cried about it at the station. Then I pulled myself together and decided to wait for the next train to come in. It was awful and my anxieties were really affected because of it.