Very personal.

[Concernedgal]

This may be a controversial subject but, this mental illness I suffer.... has caused a great upset in my life. I haven't had sex in over 2 years. Who else suffers this? Am I alone in this? My husband says that he understands but, I just don't know. He's never had a huge drive anyways but, 2 years? Should I just let him go and be free from me? Free from this life? I can't help this. Either way I go with medication without medication I just don't want to have sex. Sometimes I do miss the intimacy of it but, I can't bring myself to have sex. This was hard for me to admit. I truly hope i'm not alone. Help me. What can I do?

 

[janemariesayed]

Oh Gosh! You poor things suffering as you are. Your husband is very understanding, and so are you!

I don't think that you should release him from his vows. Remember that one you made that said 'for better or worse?' Instead, both of you try to work it out. You will feel much worse alone believe me!

Maybe at first don't think about going the full way together. Intimacy doesn't mean that you have to swing from the chandeliers! But what you can do is other intimate things together. Find a great movie to watch together, sit on the couch and cuddle while you watch it. Light some rose scented incense and a rose scented candle. Why rose scented? Because the scent of roses makes us feel loving. The energy it gives off is the same frequency as love. You can also put some rose quartz on the far right hand side of your home (from the front door) and in the far right hand side of every room in your home. The frequency it gives off is the same frequency as love. It takes about two to three months to work but it does work. Rose brings loving feelings whereas rubies and the colour red will bring passion. I think it would be best to focus on the loving feelings rather than passion. Two years is a long time to go without intimacy.

You and your hubby do not have to go the full way and have sex. You can have many other kinds of intimate moments together. Try giving each other a kiss hello or goodbye when you part company. It doesn't have to be a long snog, just a peck will be okay. Slowly, slowly build up. The fact that you would give each other a little peck on the cheek will make you both feel touched that day. A peck on the cheek good morning, or a peck on the cheek to say goodnight.

Set the scene as well. Light candles, light incense, put some soft music and sit and chat. Sit next to each other and put your legs over his lap. Rest your head on his chest and hug each other. None of that is sexual but it is intimate. If neither of you feels like going the whole way, then you don't have to. It's not a hard and fast rule. Your marriage has been consummated but you just don't feel like it right now. So my advice @Concernedgal is to forget the sex for now and to focus on your quiet times together. Touch without sex will give you some intimacy and you will still both feel that you are having some kind of loving. Then one day, it may just happen naturally.

 

[Concernedgal]

Thanks for your advice. Maybe it will once again happen for me. It's just so hard to hear your friendsand family talk about there robust sex lives and I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I've been feeling like a freak lately because let's face it.... having a robust sex life seems to be important now a days. And the only person I have ever"been with" is my husband and i feel that i'm cheating myself out of a sex life. I'm so glad your cool discussing this with me. I feel that I can talk about anything g with you ... like a a good friend of mine. And it just so happens that I love the smell of roses so that definitely worth a shot.

 

[janemariesayed]

what is up with these folk who go on about sex the way that they do? I just don't get them. I find it immature and a waste of a conversation. Who, really wants to know about another persons sex life? That is too much information! As they say! Where is the respect for their partners and where is the respect for their relationships? Intimacy is a private thing, between two people. It is a joy and a bonus to a relationship. It shouldn't be raved on about like it's a new fashion. Like when we first discovered chocolate. Those people should grow up!

So, don't think about them and their kind of talk. You are not missing out on anything. You have something much more precious with your Husband. And that is tolerance and understanding at the moment. If you are pressed to join in, you can just say something like 'my sex life is private, I respect my husband too much to reveal what goes on behind our closed door!' Just ignore them. Tell them that they may as well have sex at a bus stop so everyone can see them if they are going to tell everyone about it, why do it in private in the first place?

Yes, the scent of roses is wonderful. The rose quartz placed around the home is from Fen Shui so you can google it to find out much more. It will heal any love problem so I hope that it works for you and your hubby.

 

[Concernedgal]

I know right? As if decency dosent even exist anymore. I remember a story my moma told me . She told me that when she was a teenager she asked her mother about sex and she slapped her in the face. Now a days children learn it from watching television and movies. Talking about my 2 year problem was unbelievablyhard for me. I almost didn't post it. But, I felt that I really needed some support and advice. I think my face turned red while I was writing the post. Lol. I really appreciate your support. It sickens me in a way how much of an importance our society has put on sex. A person can feel like a freak if they don't have it. Because apparently everyone else in the world does it like rabbits. Lol. Although I believe thats mostly hot air. I think they lie about it. Although I think it's a stupid thing to lie about though. How about talking about something else. Lol. Why do you have to be so improper all the time? Be a lady for goodness sakes. I don't tell them about my sex life and I don't want to hear about theres.

 

[Concernedgal]

Thanks for all your advice guys. But, I have so many other things to worry about. Geez.. This is such a small problem compared to this life .

 

[janemariesayed]

It may be a small problem but it is important to you. I'm glad that you see their silliness. A sex joke is okay if it is funny, but to proclaim publicly your bedroom antics is immature.

Be proud of yourself @Concernedgal. One because you don't act that way and you respect your marriage. And two, give yourself a pat on the back for being open about it. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Most marriages go through phases where they don't 'do it.'

Good luck to you and your hubby, for a long lasting happy marriage. And happiness in a marriage also means the support you give each other during the rough times. I think you both have done brilliant staying together through everything. Well done for the support you give each other.

 

[misszerable]

Wow, you're hubby is such a sweet and understanding guy, you can't let him go! It feels really good to learn that your marriage had survived all this time without sex for two years. I hope you do get the help you need. In all honesty, you're not alone in not wanting to have sex. I don't have a good memory of it and I don't see myself doing it in the future, or may be even for the rest of my life. I don't feel comfortable talking about sex and sex antics and I don't have friends or relatives who do. Most women here will consider that kind of conversation indecent. But I can be crazy at times and crack bedroom jokes to shock friends.

 

[Concernedgal]

I hear the girls at work and my sisters talk about like it's just normal conversation. So rude. I'm like"really? " right in front of everybody. .. just like that.". I think that I blush just listening to them talk about it. Although my husband seems to understand. . It also seems that he snaps at me all the time too .. almost like he's irritable from lack of it. But, I will take him being annoyed by it any day. He has his right to show emotion every once in awhile ya know?

 

[Kaynil]

I've never felt comfortable with people bragging about their sex life. Right now I am not even comfortable saying what exactly goes between me and my partner but I can sympathise with your situation. Don't make decisions for your husband, if he says he understands and wants to be by your side, don't guilt yourself. You are not forcing him, he has made a choice and you have to trust he is and will continue being honest on how he feels about it. It doesn't matter how other people's intimacy is or how society expects you to be, what matters is how you two feel and what works for you two. Enjoy your life together.

 

[Concernedgal]

It's a very intimate subject and it shouldn't matter what you do in your own bedroom and it really none of there business. My mom told me one time that back in the sixties when she was 16, she asked her mom about sex and her mom slapped her in the face. Things are just way to personal now a days and it's not right. And let me tell you my husband said that he broke up with 1 of his ex girlfriends for making that part or there life everyone else buisness. I picked a good one when it comes to keeping personal" stuff" our business. That's the way it should be.

 

[Natasha0717]

This may be a controversial subject but, this mental illness I suffer.... has caused a great upset in my life. I haven't had sex in over 2 years. Who else suffers this? Am I alone in this? My husband says that he understands but, I just don't know. He's never had a huge drive anyways but, 2 years? Should I just let him go and be free from me? Free from this life? I can't help this. Either way I go with medication without medication I just don't want to have sex. Sometimes I do miss the intimacy of it but, I can't bring myself to have sex. This was hard for me to admit. I truly hope i'm not alone. Help me. What can I do?

This may sound like a "junky, low-life" answer ... sorry if it does, but have you ever tried drinking first? NOT with your meds, I mean when you're not on your meds. To be honest, the only time I have any interest in guys or sex is when I drink a few beers. But I cant drink right now because of my meds. Just a suggestion, I know it always, always, always worked for me in the past. In fact, I had to try and control myself because suddenly I was in the mood and all the guys around me started looking pretty good.

 

[Concernedgal]

YA know... I haven't had a jack and coke in a while. Lol . It's worth a shot thought for real.