Grace360
Active Member
- Joined
- May 19, 2019
- Messages
- 971
- Reaction score
- 122
I don't know. Just a vent I guess about how I'm feeling. It just put me into a low, low mood. And I can't talk to the people in my house about it because.. well, they caused it.
I just feel so inadequate around them. Being my grandma and mom. I know they think some things wrong with me. I think ever since my depression and anxiety diagnoses, things have gone downhill. Less understanding, less.. love. Less of everything I used to have from them. It just.. dissipated I guess.
I feel like a burden on them now ever since.
For example. I have my own room, I'm 17 of course. But when I get episodes of high anxiety like now, I don't like to sleep alone in my own room. It makes me anxious and scared. I like being around my grandma and mom more. I just feel better.
Well I was just kicked out. I understand private time, she's an adult. But it's the fact she was so angry about me being around her so much. Like her blood genuinely seemed to be boiling about it.
Okay sure I'm no perfect child. I do have trouble cleaning up after myself when my mood is low. Which tends to be most times. I can be irritable at times, too. I'm no walk in the park I suppose. I just.. feel like the love is less. Like they had this image of me to love when I was little. As I deviated, they adjusted how they saw fit. Its not like I can explain exactly how I feel. I'll get told what I feel is ridiculous. That I'm no burden. That "well we buy things for you so we love you" or "how ungrateful are you." So I can't even honestly talk about it without being silenced.
I'm on autopilot most times. I put on a smile and I go to work and I seem normal. But when I get home and I cry or slump or maybe don't want to do some things.. I don't think I should be made out to be some terrible person about it.
But who knows. Maybe just me. I could just be a crazy ungrateful kid.
I just feel so inadequate around them. Being my grandma and mom. I know they think some things wrong with me. I think ever since my depression and anxiety diagnoses, things have gone downhill. Less understanding, less.. love. Less of everything I used to have from them. It just.. dissipated I guess.
I feel like a burden on them now ever since.
For example. I have my own room, I'm 17 of course. But when I get episodes of high anxiety like now, I don't like to sleep alone in my own room. It makes me anxious and scared. I like being around my grandma and mom more. I just feel better.
Well I was just kicked out. I understand private time, she's an adult. But it's the fact she was so angry about me being around her so much. Like her blood genuinely seemed to be boiling about it.
Okay sure I'm no perfect child. I do have trouble cleaning up after myself when my mood is low. Which tends to be most times. I can be irritable at times, too. I'm no walk in the park I suppose. I just.. feel like the love is less. Like they had this image of me to love when I was little. As I deviated, they adjusted how they saw fit. Its not like I can explain exactly how I feel. I'll get told what I feel is ridiculous. That I'm no burden. That "well we buy things for you so we love you" or "how ungrateful are you." So I can't even honestly talk about it without being silenced.
I'm on autopilot most times. I put on a smile and I go to work and I seem normal. But when I get home and I cry or slump or maybe don't want to do some things.. I don't think I should be made out to be some terrible person about it.
But who knows. Maybe just me. I could just be a crazy ungrateful kid.