Howlingvapor
Active Member
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2019
- Messages
- 143
- Reaction score
- 52
Hey all, it’s been a while since I posted anything here. A lot has changed since then. My ex girlfriend and I have started talking and I think we’re pretty close to becoming a couple again. She says she’ll have her final decision tomorrow after her therapist appointment.
Since the break up I’ve learned to be ok with being single and how to take care of my own needs. I’ve learned that it was really unhealthy for me to make my girlfriend the only source of purpose and joy in my life. It made me make sacrifices she didn’t ask for and set an extremely high expectation of her to reciprocate. This led to a lot of pressure on both of us.
I understand now why she broke up with me. She has struggled with depression ever since her mom was arrested. She reached a point where it was hard for anything to make her happy and the things that did were things that were exciting and different enough to reach her mental threshold for happiness which is a lot higher when you’re depressed. So even though she still loved me I wasn’t making her happy because I wasn’t stimulating enough. So she started thinking that maybe she really didn’t love me and that she’d be better off without me.
Before you say I’m jumping to conclusions, I have to explain, she has admitted to still being in love with me but she’s afraid of getting back together mostly because she thinks it’d be easier to heal outside of a relationship. This may very well be true but I don’t think it’s worth losing each other, ultimately her decision, but I don’t have to agree with her reasoning. I explained my thoughts to her today and she seems to be taking them to heart. I’m afraid she may still say no, but I know now that I can be ok and I will be ok.
I’ve learned a lot through this break up. I’ve learned that I can be okay without her, and I’ve learned that I need to spend more time with with friends family and hobbies and learn to love myself so I can be more present and confident for whoever I’m with. I still have a lot to learn from these two lessons, and maybe it’s not the smartest idea to get back together, but I feel that we can continue this growth by each other’s side. I think now that I understand that I need healthier boundaries, I can continue to work on those boundaries with her. I don’t think I will have as many panic attacks over losing her now that I understand that nothing is permanent in life and the only person I’m in control of in this world is me. So worrying about stuff that is out of my control and could go away any second does nothing but add unnecessary stress to my life.
I’m at a point where I think that even if she says no tomorrow I’ll be ok. I’ll be very sad, but I won’t lose my mind or have a panic attack like usual or at least I don’t think I will. I would prefer to get back together of course, but you can’t always get what you want and I’m not going to rest my hopes and dreams on it happening.
I’m not sure if what I’m doing is healthy or if getting back together will ultimately make her depression worse or grind the healing process to a halt. But what I do know is that my love for her extends far beyond just a fear of loneliness. I care about her as a person and I want her in my life. I don’t need a relationship to feel happy anymore, but why give up on someone you love? Especially if they love you too. I want to see what lies ahead for us as a couple. I don’t just want her for the sake of wanting her like I was always afraid I was doing for the longest time. I love her for who she is.
I’m not sure what tomorrow holds for me, but if whether it’s good or bad I’m gonna try to make the most out of it. Wish me luck and if you have any advice for me regarding if it’s good for us to get back together or if it’s a recipe for unhealthy codependency and more heartache. I’m not sure but this is the clearest state of mind I’ve had since the day she left me and I feel like I can be at peace with whatever happens eventually. I’ll try to keep you posted in the meantime though.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Since the break up I’ve learned to be ok with being single and how to take care of my own needs. I’ve learned that it was really unhealthy for me to make my girlfriend the only source of purpose and joy in my life. It made me make sacrifices she didn’t ask for and set an extremely high expectation of her to reciprocate. This led to a lot of pressure on both of us.
I understand now why she broke up with me. She has struggled with depression ever since her mom was arrested. She reached a point where it was hard for anything to make her happy and the things that did were things that were exciting and different enough to reach her mental threshold for happiness which is a lot higher when you’re depressed. So even though she still loved me I wasn’t making her happy because I wasn’t stimulating enough. So she started thinking that maybe she really didn’t love me and that she’d be better off without me.
Before you say I’m jumping to conclusions, I have to explain, she has admitted to still being in love with me but she’s afraid of getting back together mostly because she thinks it’d be easier to heal outside of a relationship. This may very well be true but I don’t think it’s worth losing each other, ultimately her decision, but I don’t have to agree with her reasoning. I explained my thoughts to her today and she seems to be taking them to heart. I’m afraid she may still say no, but I know now that I can be ok and I will be ok.
I’ve learned a lot through this break up. I’ve learned that I can be okay without her, and I’ve learned that I need to spend more time with with friends family and hobbies and learn to love myself so I can be more present and confident for whoever I’m with. I still have a lot to learn from these two lessons, and maybe it’s not the smartest idea to get back together, but I feel that we can continue this growth by each other’s side. I think now that I understand that I need healthier boundaries, I can continue to work on those boundaries with her. I don’t think I will have as many panic attacks over losing her now that I understand that nothing is permanent in life and the only person I’m in control of in this world is me. So worrying about stuff that is out of my control and could go away any second does nothing but add unnecessary stress to my life.
I’m at a point where I think that even if she says no tomorrow I’ll be ok. I’ll be very sad, but I won’t lose my mind or have a panic attack like usual or at least I don’t think I will. I would prefer to get back together of course, but you can’t always get what you want and I’m not going to rest my hopes and dreams on it happening.
I’m not sure if what I’m doing is healthy or if getting back together will ultimately make her depression worse or grind the healing process to a halt. But what I do know is that my love for her extends far beyond just a fear of loneliness. I care about her as a person and I want her in my life. I don’t need a relationship to feel happy anymore, but why give up on someone you love? Especially if they love you too. I want to see what lies ahead for us as a couple. I don’t just want her for the sake of wanting her like I was always afraid I was doing for the longest time. I love her for who she is.
I’m not sure what tomorrow holds for me, but if whether it’s good or bad I’m gonna try to make the most out of it. Wish me luck and if you have any advice for me regarding if it’s good for us to get back together or if it’s a recipe for unhealthy codependency and more heartache. I’m not sure but this is the clearest state of mind I’ve had since the day she left me and I feel like I can be at peace with whatever happens eventually. I’ll try to keep you posted in the meantime though.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk