Hi all,
For over twenty years now I've had some form of anxiety, but never been able to label what type, or find people who I can relate to with the same anxiety.
In a nutshell I think I'm an introverted highly-sensitive person with an overly caring personality. Some have suggested I'm a hyper-empath, maybe even with some form of PTSD (but that sounds rather belittling to people who actually have conflict related PTSD).
I've seen a CGT therapist, chatted to a councillor and even recently seen a hypnotherapist, all without finding the cause or ways to help alleviate or get rid of my anxiety. Last thing to try is the doctor and ask for medication I guess.
One of the first memories I have of this anxiety was in the early years of secondary school. Whenever we had no teacher for the first few minutes of a lesson, the whole class was loud. I hated it, especially because I knew the headmaster was next door teaching sometimes, and would come in and shout at us. I had no way of getting out of the situation, so I used to pretend to get something out my bag and duck under the table, just so I felt I could escape the situation and noise.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve realised I get anxious and sometimes embarrassed in situations that others do not. I don’t like people doing anything out of the norm.
And I’ve found it to be triggered by sound, rather than visual stimuli.
Any public environment (planes, trains, cinema, restaurants etc) where it's not easy to leave, I am constantly looking around to see and hear if people are acting different from the 'norm'. Anything not 'normal', like someone loud on the phone (even if their conversation is perfectly mundane), or someone acting drunk will immediately make me anxious.
The only way I've been able to deal with this problem commuting everyday, is using a crutch in the form of headphones. Once my headphones are on, I have no real issue being around people swearing, shouting, even being aggressive (up to a point obviously). But without them, even someone talking a little too loud in a restaurant will cause my anxiety to be triggered.
Even a train journey I know I’m going to take with my wife (and therefore not be able to use headphones), I’ll worry about for days, and try and work out what’s the best time of day to travel to reduce the chance of someone getting on who’s drunk (and will therefore probably be loud). I’ll be watching at each station we stop at, looking for people who I think will trigger my anxiety. I often suggest an Uber home if my wife and I are out late, so we don’t have to get a late train (unless I myself am drunk, and therefore the anxiety is greatly reduced).
Another example of my anxiety is in the cinema, where I actually lean on my hand, so I can only hear out of one ear, as it helps me feel like I’m separated from the situation I’m in. I like to sit in the back corner too, as I feel further away from any potential thing that might increase my anxiety. But if I’m honest my preference is just to not go in the first place.
If I'm at the football, and I know there's going to be a minutes silence beforehand for whatever reason, I'll stay in the concourse until the minute is over. Not due to disrespect, but because I'm anxious someone will talk during the silence.
Just last week I asked a friend to leave a bar with me during the day, as a group of loud and slightly drunk guys had come in and it made me uncomfortable. He didn’t even realise they were there, but it was all I was thinking of once they came in.
This above makes it sound like it’s only drunk people. But it’s anyone out the ‘norm’. For example a few weeks ago I was in a restaurant and a guy with some form of autism was chatting to the waitress about Kings and Queens of England. He was perfectly pleasant, but because he was talking a little louder than the norm, I got so anxious I actually pretended to go to the toilet to escape the situation. I came back and decided against pudding just so I could leave as quickly as possible.
Now the really odd thing, is I know if I was the only person on the train with the loud person talking, or the only person in the cinema with the drunk person shouting away, or the only person in the stadium with the person talking during the minutes silence, or the only person with the autistic guy in the restaurant, I wouldn’t feel anxious. It wouldn’t bother me.
Therefore I’ve come to the conclusion that I get anxious on others behalf. And this is where I think my caring nature has gone too far; as a child, my younger sister was horrible to my parents during her teenage years. A typical teenager. I wasn’t. I avoided all conflict with my parents. I still remember comforting my mum after my sister made her cry. I used to hide in my room as my dad and sister had shouting matches downstairs.
Whether this is where my anxiety came from, I’m not sure. And even if so, I haven’t find a way to ‘cure’ myself of it. yet.
Sorry for the rather rambling nature of this post. I’m just getting bored of having this anxiety, and wondered if anyone here has ever felt the same, and even better, if they found a way of getting over it.
For over twenty years now I've had some form of anxiety, but never been able to label what type, or find people who I can relate to with the same anxiety.
In a nutshell I think I'm an introverted highly-sensitive person with an overly caring personality. Some have suggested I'm a hyper-empath, maybe even with some form of PTSD (but that sounds rather belittling to people who actually have conflict related PTSD).
I've seen a CGT therapist, chatted to a councillor and even recently seen a hypnotherapist, all without finding the cause or ways to help alleviate or get rid of my anxiety. Last thing to try is the doctor and ask for medication I guess.
One of the first memories I have of this anxiety was in the early years of secondary school. Whenever we had no teacher for the first few minutes of a lesson, the whole class was loud. I hated it, especially because I knew the headmaster was next door teaching sometimes, and would come in and shout at us. I had no way of getting out of the situation, so I used to pretend to get something out my bag and duck under the table, just so I felt I could escape the situation and noise.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve realised I get anxious and sometimes embarrassed in situations that others do not. I don’t like people doing anything out of the norm.
And I’ve found it to be triggered by sound, rather than visual stimuli.
Any public environment (planes, trains, cinema, restaurants etc) where it's not easy to leave, I am constantly looking around to see and hear if people are acting different from the 'norm'. Anything not 'normal', like someone loud on the phone (even if their conversation is perfectly mundane), or someone acting drunk will immediately make me anxious.
The only way I've been able to deal with this problem commuting everyday, is using a crutch in the form of headphones. Once my headphones are on, I have no real issue being around people swearing, shouting, even being aggressive (up to a point obviously). But without them, even someone talking a little too loud in a restaurant will cause my anxiety to be triggered.
Even a train journey I know I’m going to take with my wife (and therefore not be able to use headphones), I’ll worry about for days, and try and work out what’s the best time of day to travel to reduce the chance of someone getting on who’s drunk (and will therefore probably be loud). I’ll be watching at each station we stop at, looking for people who I think will trigger my anxiety. I often suggest an Uber home if my wife and I are out late, so we don’t have to get a late train (unless I myself am drunk, and therefore the anxiety is greatly reduced).
Another example of my anxiety is in the cinema, where I actually lean on my hand, so I can only hear out of one ear, as it helps me feel like I’m separated from the situation I’m in. I like to sit in the back corner too, as I feel further away from any potential thing that might increase my anxiety. But if I’m honest my preference is just to not go in the first place.
If I'm at the football, and I know there's going to be a minutes silence beforehand for whatever reason, I'll stay in the concourse until the minute is over. Not due to disrespect, but because I'm anxious someone will talk during the silence.
Just last week I asked a friend to leave a bar with me during the day, as a group of loud and slightly drunk guys had come in and it made me uncomfortable. He didn’t even realise they were there, but it was all I was thinking of once they came in.
This above makes it sound like it’s only drunk people. But it’s anyone out the ‘norm’. For example a few weeks ago I was in a restaurant and a guy with some form of autism was chatting to the waitress about Kings and Queens of England. He was perfectly pleasant, but because he was talking a little louder than the norm, I got so anxious I actually pretended to go to the toilet to escape the situation. I came back and decided against pudding just so I could leave as quickly as possible.
Now the really odd thing, is I know if I was the only person on the train with the loud person talking, or the only person in the cinema with the drunk person shouting away, or the only person in the stadium with the person talking during the minutes silence, or the only person with the autistic guy in the restaurant, I wouldn’t feel anxious. It wouldn’t bother me.
Therefore I’ve come to the conclusion that I get anxious on others behalf. And this is where I think my caring nature has gone too far; as a child, my younger sister was horrible to my parents during her teenage years. A typical teenager. I wasn’t. I avoided all conflict with my parents. I still remember comforting my mum after my sister made her cry. I used to hide in my room as my dad and sister had shouting matches downstairs.
Whether this is where my anxiety came from, I’m not sure. And even if so, I haven’t find a way to ‘cure’ myself of it. yet.
Sorry for the rather rambling nature of this post. I’m just getting bored of having this anxiety, and wondered if anyone here has ever felt the same, and even better, if they found a way of getting over it.
