Ughhhh..anxiety go away already

[LittleMissCatastrophe]

Hi, I am 32 yrs old and been struggling with, anxiety, depression and low self esteem long as I can remember.
The worst was last 10 yrs. It was triggered by a break-up, starting college, and finally culminating 3 yrs ago when my dog got sick.
I am afraid to go out, it is really a struggle, it comes to a place where my BF wants us to go somewhere nice for the day, and I want to gouge his eyes out, and have a meltdown like a 5 year old
I wake up from my nightmares to dreading that day.Dreading that he was going to ask me to go somewhere, or that I have to walk the dog, or that someone is going to call me to go and see them
I've gained a little weight over yrs, nothing dramatic, but I avoid people who know me to see me.
I was a very outgoing person, VERY. I liked to go out , I liked concerts, I really loved to hang out with people, it is so hard for me to grasp what really happened, and who was that person, and how I am just her shadow.
I haven't been anywhere for YEARS. I don't do any of the things I used to love doing.It's only love for my dog that gets me through that door to dog park every day, but that's my safe place, and I go to my parents once a week and that's it.
Tried going to therapy, CBT, I'm not saying it's not working, it just wasn't for me. She insisted too much on me pressuring myself to do things, to the point I was dreading going..so I run away. She was all like "Well why don't you go to a concert this weekend" and I'm like "Lady, I can't even go to store to by bread"

Currently, I am taking Xanax, when I really need it (from my BF, because he got it from his DR, for his anxiety issues, which I'm pretty sure he got for me).
I am so tired people, and I know probably some of you are too..

So sorry for such a long intro, and thank you for reading this. I hope you have anxiety free day

 

[Cuchculan]

Looks like you need a lot more help than just your boyfriend's medication. That is not really the answer. I know all about not wanting to go. Done that for a ten year period. But then I began to take steps in the right direction. Got the right kind of help. Therapy. Medication. Lot of hard work by myself too. It can all be done. You simply need to take those first steps. Hard as they might seem. There is always a road back. You just have to find it. Writing on here will help a small bit. But you need to learn coping skills. So going out won't be a burden. Can be a slow process to begin with. But trust me when I say it is worth it. I hope you can find a way to reach out for the right kind of help and find that life you once lived before.

 

[LittleMissCatastrophe]

Looks like you need a lot more help than just your boyfriend's medication. That is not really the answer. I know all about not wanting to go. Done that for a ten year period. But then I began to take steps in the right direction. Got the right kind of help. Therapy. Medication. Lot of hard work by myself too. It can all be done. You simply need to take those first steps. Hard as they might seem. There is always a road back. You just have to find it. Writing on here will help a small bit. But you need to learn coping skills. So going out won't be a burden. Can be a slow process to begin with. But trust me when I say it is worth it. I hope you can find a way to reach out for the right kind of help and find that life you once lived before.

Thank you so much for your kind reply . It's really really hard to find a good therapist in my country unfortunately, but I am searching and hoping someone will be a good fit for me. It means a lot to find people who understand,are going through something similar, and who came out to the other side of all of this.It gives me great hope and motivation

 

[Cuchculan]

What we learn are coping skills. Not everything out there in the world has to cause us anxiety. Once we learn this, our anxiety can become weaker. Might still have anxiety from time to time. But we now know how to deal with it a whole lot better. When anxiety first kicks in you see fear in everyting. Hence you don't want to do much at all. Imagine not seeing that fear any more? To be able to go out and actually see good things and enjoy been outside the house.

 

[Husband/Father of 3]

Might be worth it researching the pros/cons of an SSRI such as Lexapro or Zoloft.

 

[LittleMissCatastrophe]

Might be worth it researching the pros/cons of an SSRI such as Lexapro or Zoloft.

Yes, just started therapy few days ago, and my therapist mentioned that it might be just a thing, if the serotonin deposits are depleted then it causes a lot of anxiety ,there is no other solution. So I will definitely research that option, although it would be nice not to take meds

 

[Husband/Father of 3]

Keep in mind it takes several weeks for the meds to take effect if you do start medication, you need to have patience, a lot of patience. If a medication works for you it’ll be wonderful and feel like you have your life back. I’d stay away from SNRIs (Effexor, Pristiq, etc.). I’ve heard the same about Paxil as well which is an SSRI. They are very difficult to discontinue because of withdrawal side effects.
Ideally, I don’t want to be taking medication, but at this stage in my life it’s the best option for myself and my family. Best of luck to you!

 

[LittleMissCatastrophe]

Thank you so much for all this info. It really means a lot .I am glad you've found a solution that works for you and you got your life back, it gives me hope that I will figure all this soon.

 

[Noobi]

dont let people who know nothing put you off a medication.

what works for some wont work for others. Doctors try many different SSRI's and SNRI's to treat anxiety, some work for some and some for others. withdrawal are very small if you taper the dose.

i once ran out of Effexor which is an SNRI so for a few days i took citalopram (an SSRI) and didnt get any withdrawal.

the withdrawal from xanax is a real beach so stay away from that

 

[LittleMissCatastrophe]

I think we don't have that much choice when it comes to medication in my country. We recently just got xanax, maybe 2-3 yrs ago, so now everyone is prescribing it because it's so trendy and american
Of course I will take meds if I need to ,just like with anything else that needs to be medicated. We will see what my therapist suggests

 

[AlexLeonardi]

Definitely keep reaching out like you're doing! It can be really encouraging just to hear other people's stories and realize that 1) you're not alone and 2) there is hope for change! Your life will not always be this way. You are brave, you are strong, and your life CAN look different. You are loved, and you can do this!

 

[LittleMissCatastrophe]

Definitely keep reaching out like you're doing! It can be really encouraging just to hear other people's stories and realize that 1) you're not alone and 2) there is hope for change! Your life will not always be this way. You are brave, you are strong, and your life CAN look different. You are loved, and you can do this!

Thank you so much for your beautiful words Alex

 

[AlexLeonardi]

Thank you so much for your beautiful words Alex

Sure thing! There can be so much negativity and stigma surrounding anxiety and emotional struggles that I think we could all use a healthy dose of positivity

I used to suffer from terrible panic attacks, general anxiety, and crippling irrational fear (fears of driving, of heights, of crowds, etc.) that were affecting every area of my life. Probably similar to what it sounds like you're experiencing. I don't know if you believe in God, but my relationship with Him was the biggest factor in my healing. When I say your life can be different, I mean it! Because mine totally is now, and I know God wants the same for you. He loves you and wants you free from this!

 

[Guitarist41]

Yes, just started therapy few days ago, and my therapist mentioned that it might be just a thing, if the serotonin deposits are depleted then it causes a lot of anxiety ,there is no other solution. So I will definitely research that option, although it would be nice not to take meds

I was scared to death to take medication, scared not to take medication.. after a while I just decided that I needed it to get my life back. I’m never thrilled that I have to take pills, but I do because having a life is better than not.