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Think I need a change

Thread starter #1
So... I’ve been with my lady for nearly 10yrs. We’re not married but we have 2 kids together. Being with this woman has been a hard and rough 10yrs. Over the last couple yrs I think I’m finally starting to realize the stress she puts on me, sad to say I guess I’ve been blind to it or just hoping things would change. Our relationship isn’t so much physical abuse but there has been a few moments where it has gone there but the mental abuse is tearing me apart and breaking me down. I won’t go too much into detail cause by the end of this post I’d have blisters on my fingers from typing this... lol. Basically I’m scared to be around her. I’m scared that I’m gonna do something wrong. We argue and fight almost on a daily basis. Even when things are “good” it’s like she finds something to fight about, it’s like she’s bored and needs something for entertainment. I’m accused weekly of cheating on her even though I have never cheated on her or any woman I’ve been with. She sorta has this narcissistic side to her. She has this way of gas lighting you into thinking that what your thinking or feeling is wrong and then eventually you begin to question your own feelings or thoughts. I just can’t live like this anymore. I can’t put our kids through this, it’s not fair to them to see mommy and daddy go at it like this. Plus the stress os causing me a tremendous amount of anxiety and fear. It’s keeps my viscous cycle going, I’m never going to heal. I’m honesty scared to leave her, I’m scared what she’ll do. She’s always threatened to take the kids away and take me to court for everything I’m worth. I feel like I’m a prisoner! Anyway, I felt like I had to put this out there. I’m gonna go try to calm down. What pushed me to vent this is that I woke up to an argument. Now the rest of my weekend is ruined :_(


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#2
Hi! Do you know if she suffers from any mental disorders? I ask because she sounds a lot like me but a little more extreme and I have anxiety and adult adhd. My grandma however suffers from bipolar disorder so I wouldn’t doubt if I have a bit of that too. Anyways I find myself starting fights over the smallest things. Like if my fiancé leaves a empty soda can on the counter...I get angry and we argue about the soda can. I’ve come to realize that I fight over these things because it’s one of the few things I have control over. I have no control over how my brain works sometimes but I can control an argument. My fiancé has picked up on this after 3 years of trial and error lol and when I do this to him he just doesn’t engage me. He will acknowledge what I’m saying but he won’t add fuel to the fire by denying or arguing back and without him engaging I can’t keep arguing. Don’t ignore because that makes it worse but just use short sentences and direct statements and maybe that will help :)
 
Thread starter #3
Hi! Do you know if she suffers from any mental disorders? I ask because she sounds a lot like me but a little more extreme and I have anxiety and adult adhd. My grandma however suffers from bipolar disorder so I wouldn’t doubt if I have a bit of that too. Anyways I find myself starting fights over the smallest things. Like if my fiancé leaves a empty soda can on the counter...I get angry and we argue about the soda can. I’ve come to realize that I fight over these things because it’s one of the few things I have control over. I have no control over how my brain works sometimes but I can control an argument. My fiancé has picked up on this after 3 years of trial and error lol and when I do this to him he just doesn’t engage me. He will acknowledge what I’m saying but he won’t add fuel to the fire by denying or arguing back and without him engaging I can’t keep arguing. Don’t ignore because that makes it worse but just use short sentences and direct statements and maybe that will help :)
I’ve tried his method. Its to the point where I can’t handle the stress from it anymore. I don’t have the energy or mental capacity. I acknowledged her frustrations and her points but she keeps it going with insults and she adds fuel to the fire.


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#4
I’ve tried his method. Its to the point where I can’t handle the stress from it anymore. I don’t have the energy or mental capacity. I acknowledged her frustrations and her points but she keeps it going with insults and she adds fuel to the fire.


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Have you ever asked her when she’s calm why she does it?
 
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