The signs of an unhealthy relationship

[17emilyhalko]

Hey all! I think that having a healthy relationship is important, and it's especially important for us people who have anxiety, depressing, or other mental illnesses. In my own personal experience, I have dealt with an unhealthy relationship for a long time, but I always have ignored the signs. Just because you and your significant other doesn't fight DOESN'T mean that the relationship is healthy. In fact, it probably says that someone's opinion is stifled in the relationship, for most everyone gets into an argument sooner or later. Here are some signs that your relationship isn't healthy, even if you are not abused or thrown into arguments a lot:


You constantly find that being around your significant other makes a negative shift in your mood, such as making you sad or angry.


You cannot hold a decent conversation or often break into silence.


The only thing that you have in common is physical attraction for each other.


You don't like seeing your significant other talk to others, because you wish that they gave you the same kind of attention or could talk with you about subjects like that.


You notice that your significant other doesn't like to be with you in public or is very hesitant about it.


You never get into fights.


You never feel like you can openly talk about certain things to your significant other, and you never feel completely comfortable around them, no matter how long you've known them.


You are afraid to speak your mind or do certain things, because you feel that they will judge you, because you know that there are always specific things that they like to be on.


You cannot be yourself around them, and often hide certain parts about you.


You cannot have fun with them, or they refuse to do certain things that you want to do with them, even though they always make you do the things that you want to do.


And these are only some of the signs! Remember: actions speak louder than words.

 

[kgord]

Yes, I have had a few relationships like this. It is never a good place to be. I think that many people end up in these relationships, because they either think they deserve nothing better, or they think some relationship is better than no relationship. We need to have the courage to walk away if these relationships are destructive or are not meeting our needs. There are worse things than being alone. There really are.

 

[cluckeyo]

We learn about relationships from our parents. Hopefully they had a good relationship. If they did, then we will be well equipped to go out into the world as adults and find healthy relationships. If they did not have a good relationship, then we what learn is kind of twisted and mixed up. It makes it hard to even know what a good relationship is. That is why it is so easy for some to find good relationships and so hard for others. If we are confused about what it takes to find and maintain a good relationship, one of the best things we could do is spend some time in therapy. Just because you got a bad start in life, does not mean you have stay there. Be good to yourself and break the chain.

 

[HappyKoi]

It is true, like they said, about our parents setting up our ideas about what a relationship consists of. A lot of times these are unconscious ideas, and we may find ourselves drawn to dysfunctional relationships because that's what feels "right", and it's hard to go against that feeling. Sometimes (well, often) it takes a string of bad relationships to really analyze our "picker" and what is off about it.


I would also like to add that it's important to be patient with someone who is in a bad relationship. They may even realize that the relationship is not good, on a level, but have trouble getting out. It's hard to cut ties with someone you love, even if they treat you badly, and it's hard for that person to feel that they are worthy of love from someone better, or at all. As a friend or family member, this is frustrating and frightening. You can help by listening to them, supporting their decisions (even if you don't agree with them), and being there for them when they are finally ready to leave.

 

[redpanda]

Yeah, I was another person who didn't even know what a functional relationship looked like. My parents had an awful relationship and I grew up seeing abuse, arguments, and all sorts of drama. I legitimately thought I knew how to recognize an abusive relationship (I took Psychology courses! Haha) but theirs apparently distorted my viewpoint. I stayed in an abusive relationship for years because I honestly thought it was a "normal" relationship. I thought everyone else was just as unhappy and I should be grateful that I wasn't being beaten. It's so depressing, looking back, that I thought things were OK because he wasn't actively hitting me. It took a major event (him not taking me to the hospital when I was deathly ill) and the help of friends to finally see the light. I finally got out of it and am in a good relationship now. I'm SO happy and I seriously didn't think relationships like this existed. I thought it was a fairy tale thing. I'm hoping that my future kids will be less likely to settle for a bad relationship. They'll grow up seeing a healthy relationship and won't have the same distorted view that I had.

 

[kelden]

Exactly, if you don't fight, it doesn't mean your relationship is idyllic at all. It more suggests a lack of communication mroe than other thing, of course, I don't discard your can be 100% happy with your significant other, but we need to be realistic, and couples with zero disagreements over anything are either boring (and very prone to love affairs) or indifferent.


We are individuals and as such, we can't devote 100% of our entire life for the sake of others, and even less when you have children. And nobody's perfect, We can be selfish, or unwilling to deal with stressful situation even when our significant other need us. Conflict is something that may happen sooner or later, the real issue is whether your relationship revolves around it or settle the differences in order to move on.

 

[djanx]

I do have to add. Communication is key. Relationships aren't healthy or unhealthy by themselves. They are made so by the two individuals in those relationships. Unless ofcourse, some sort of abuse is involved, in which case the relationship is unhealthy! If you feel all of those things or realize that you're in such a relationship, fix it. Try first.

 

[fuzyon]

Those are some great points, usually you can find a lot of red flags from the first date with a new partner. Me and a lot of people have made the mistake of actually overlooking them thinking they were minor but once you're in an established relationship it becomes exhausting to always deal with your partner's flaws. Now, don't get me wrong, no one is perfect and we shouldn't expect someone that never does anything bad once in a while but there are people out there with real mental issues that need to be treated. Save yourself the headache and don't pursue the relationship thinking you can change that person.

 

[17emilyhalko]

I do have to add. Communication is key. Relationships aren't healthy or unhealthy by themselves. They are made so by the two individuals in those relationships. Unless ofcourse' date=' some sort of abuse is involved, in which case the relationship is unhealthy! If you feel all of those things or realize that you're in such a relationship, fix it. Try first.[/quote']
Yes, I've got to agree with you! The majority of my relationships have never worked about, because we lacked the vital thing of communication! It led me to rarely have fights with those that I was dating, and so when we were unhappy, we would never recognize it. We were both too stubborn to confront each other about the problems we had, and it caused irreparable problems later on, along with a lot of stored up anger.

 

[velocipony]

Sometimes I see a couple of these signs in my relationship, and I think it's my fault. For instance I do feel kind of jealous when he talks to other people about certain subjects or pays attention to anyone else, but it's not because I don't get that attention from him...because I do. I think it's all me. And trust me, I don't bring these things up or try to guilt him because I know it's not right and it's my OWN issue. Perhaps a self-esteem issue. Something I really need to work on for myself, and having not much to do with my partner at all. What do you do when you see the signs of an unhealthy relationship and you know you're to blame?

 

[17emilyhalko]

Sometimes I see a couple of these signs in my relationship' date=' and I think it's my fault. For instance I do feel kind of jealous when he talks to other people about certain subjects or pays attention to anyone else, but it's not because I don't get that attention from him...because I do. I think it's all me. And trust me, I don't bring these things up or try to guilt him because I know it's not right and it's my OWN issue. Perhaps a self-esteem issue. Something I really need to work on for myself, and having not much to do with my partner at all. What do you do when you see the signs of an unhealthy relationship and you know you're to blame? [/quote']
Sometimes I wonder the exact same thing. However, if you feel that you're lacking somewhere, it's important to express your concerns to your boyfriend. If you're anything like me, and you don't like to confront people about things, then know that sometimes confrontation isn't as bad as it seems. I have trouble with confronting my boyfriend about problems, so sometimes I just hint to them. My boyfriend has recently noticed that I haven't been happy, and while I blamed myself for the lack of communication in the relationship, I realized that my boyfriend actually felt the same way, and he blamed himself for not putting enough effort into the relationship. All along, I shouldn't have been afraid to express my concerns to him, because he felt the exact same way. I think that it's just important that you talk to your boyfriend and express yourself, because he'll never know how you feel unless you tell him, and he cannot resolve any problem until he knows that you feel that way.