Terrified. Found a breast lump

Nano22 · Jul 27, 2022

NKS said:
Thank you all for checking in on me! I find you all even more calming than my latest therapy session. I appreciate all of you! I know this is stressful on most anyone, but for those of us with health anxiety who pretty much spend our entire lives avoiding docs because we fear getting the “inevitable death sentence” or we spend all the time in doc offices trying to get confirmation we aren’t dying, it is hell. I have been terrified of breast cancer for years and years. The more I think, the more I panic. So I just keep trying to stay busy. But it’s so hard. I can’t plan anything because I fear I’ll be swept up in cancer treatment by next week. I really, really miss the times when my health anxieties and panics weren’t anything the outside world thought was legitimate. I kinda liked being able to tell myself “it’s just anxiety.” But nobody biopsies anxiety. I am glad you all are here.

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Before I went this last time I literally had a dream a month before of a dr telling me I had breast cancer. I was totally convinced it was the end for me. I couldn’t plan anything, just like you. I emphasize so much with you. Please let us know as soon as you find out your results.

kammie72 · Jul 27, 2022

Nano22 said:
Before I went this last time I literally had a dream a month before of a dr telling me I had breast cancer. I was totally convinced it was the end for me. I couldn’t plan anything, just like you. I emphasize so much with you. Please let us know as soon as you find out your results.

I had the same dream before my annual mammogram last December. And when I went and was told I needed a biopsy, I was convinced it was the end! But it was benign. The dr performing the biopsy walked in the exam room saying she didn't think it was serious but she didn't know for sure. Maybe others drs wouldn't have even said that much because of course they don't know for sure without the pathology. But it was the longest 8 days of my life waiting for those results in January. I just went back Monday for the 6 month followup and got the all clear. The things we have to go through.

@NKS Please keep us posted! So many days have passed - I really think you would have heard something by now if this were serious. Thinking of you - you'll have peace soon!

Nano22 · Jul 27, 2022

kammie72 said:
I had the same dream before my annual mammogram last December. And when I went and was told I needed a biopsy, I was convinced it was the end! But it was benign. The dr performing the biopsy walked in the exam room saying she didn't think it was serious but she didn't know for sure. Maybe others drs wouldn't have even said that much because of course they don't know for sure without the pathology. But it was the longest 8 days of my life waiting for those results in January. I just went back Monday for the 6 month followup and got the all clear. The things we have to go through.

@NKS Please keep us posted! So many days have passed - I really think you would have heard something by now if this were serious. Thinking of you - you'll have peace soon!

That dream terrified me.
I’m glad it all worked out for you.
I worry (of course I do) that the anxiety they put us through is taking years off our lives.

bigjetplane23 · Jul 28, 2022

NKS said:
Thank you! I was so glad they didn’t call today because I keep telling myself no news is good news. But every day from 9-5 I am physically sick with worry, unable to eat, practically screaming when the phone rings. Tomorrow will be 7 days/a week since the biopsy. I’m all bruised up and feeling either 100% convinced I’m dying to 86% convinced I’m ok. The latter lasts about 14 seconds though. Ug! I’m just so exhausted now, if it’s bad news I don’t know if I have it in me to fight.

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Oh man….. been there in the past …… It’s hard. It’s like i typed this.

Jennifer · Jul 28, 2022

Here checking on you NKS, I hope you can feel our arms around you. OX

bigjetplane23 · Jul 28, 2022

wow this community is beautiful

E.B · Jul 28, 2022

NKS said:
It’s bad, you guys. I didn’t get good news.

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I haven't put any input because I didn't want to tell my mom's story. She had a mammogram and it came out that she had bc....it was a very easy process for her to go through! So many great treatments available for those who end up with it. In fact some think she could of easily lived the rest of her life with it.

Jennifer · Jul 28, 2022

NKS said:
It’s bad, you guys. I didn’t get good news.

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We are all right here for you, please come talk to us.
1 step at a time.

bigjetplane23 · Jul 29, 2022

What did they say..

kammie72 · Jul 29, 2022

We are here for you.

Belizz · Jul 29, 2022

NKS hang in there <3 we are supporting you. It is your body and every cell in your body is strong like you.

kammie72 · Jul 29, 2022

NKS said:
Thank you. I am beyond gutted. I’ve lived with this fear for so long. It’s a nightmare. I did everything possible to avoid it and instead ran head into it. I’m an athlete, very slim, lifelong vegetarian, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t take medications, don’t even use antiperspirant with aluminum or underwire bras. I only took the birth control pill for like 4 months in my whole life. I wasn’t on hormone replacement therapy. I have no family history. I did nothing wrong. I don’t understand. I think I’m being punished. I don’t know any more before I meet the surgeon. It’s just hormone positive. That’s all I know. Everything pointed to it being ok. I’m so confused. It’s not supposed to be like this.

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@NKS it’s totally fair to feel all those things. It doesn’t make sense. I know it’s difficult news. But please don’t think you’re being punished. You’re not. It’s a really sucky hurdle you’ll have to overcome. And you will. You can. You’re strong. But for now, you’re right to give yourself space to feel everything you’re feeling - and take it one step at a time.

bigjetplane23 · Jul 29, 2022

NKS said:
Thank you. I am beyond gutted. I’ve lived with this fear for so long. It’s a nightmare. I did everything possible to avoid it and instead ran head into it. I’m an athlete, very slim, lifelong vegetarian, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t take medications, don’t even use antiperspirant with aluminum or underwire bras. I only took the birth control pill for like 4 months in my whole life. I wasn’t on hormone replacement therapy. I have no family history. I did nothing wrong. I don’t understand. I think I’m being punished. I don’t know any more before I meet the surgeon. It’s just hormone positive. That’s all I know. Everything pointed to it being ok. I’m so confused. It’s not supposed to be like this.

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It’s not over until it’s over. I have read stories where they think it’s bad news and they do the surgery and then they find out it’s actually benign afterwards.

NKS said:
Thank you. I am beyond gutted. I’ve lived with this fear for so long. It’s a nightmare. I did everything possible to avoid it and instead ran head into it. I’m an athlete, very slim, lifelong vegetarian, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t take medications, don’t even use antiperspirant with aluminum or underwire bras. I only took the birth control pill for like 4 months in my whole life. I wasn’t on hormone replacement therapy. I have no family history. I did nothing wrong. I don’t understand. I think I’m being punished. I don’t know any more before I meet the surgeon. It’s just hormone positive. That’s all I know. Everything pointed to it being ok. I’m so confused. It’s not supposed to be like this.

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It’s not over until it’s over. I have read stories where they think it’s bad news and they do the surgery and then they find out it’s actually benign afterwards.

bigjetplane23 · Jul 30, 2022

NKS said:
Even after a biopsy?

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Yes! I have read stories here about people that it’s happened to. Afterwards, they find out it is actually benign. Biopsy’s aren’t 100%.
Has anyone else read these stories? Maybe someone can back me up.

kammie72 · Jul 30, 2022

I haven’t heard that about biopsies but I do know many women who have beat all stages of bc. Dear friends who have gone through treatment and are now just living their lives. I’m watching a tv show with one right know and we’re texting commentary back and forth. Treatments are so advanced these days. I’m sure you’ll feel better when you speak to your surgeon next week. Right now, there are so many unknowns so fear has taken over. Here’s a virtual hug - I’m thinking of you and praying for you. And after you feel everything you have every right to feel given this moment, given the news, I hope this is the one that guides you: I’ve got this.

Terrified. Found a breast lump

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