I'm emetophobic, as a lot of hypochondriacs seem to be for some reason, and the idea of throwing up in public is for some reason a huge fear of mine in particular.
A few weeks ago, maybe a month at this point, I woke up with a stomachache that gave me that feeling of "Well, this is going to be trouble." It was. Chills, sweats, dry heaves, stomach cramps. bloating and a horrible heartburn feeling in my entire torso. No nausea, though; my mouth would go dry and when I couldn't swallow, my gag reflex would kick in. A new one for me.
The stomach pain lasted a couple of weeks, with me having zero appetite (honestly a nice change from always being hungry no matter how much I eat). I started having some weird symptoms that were unrelated, and I was feeling fairly okay, so I figured I could get through an appointment. I felt so sick, dizzy, lightheaded and panicky the whole way. Nearly had to leave. But it eventually passed and afterwards I felt fine. Figured I'd psyched myself out, didn't really think about it, felt pretty good the rest of the day.
It seemed to right itself before Thanksgiving and all seemed fine until last night. I tried to go out but started freaking the heck out. It was without question anxiety that triggered it. Luckily I'd brought water with me and at first the nausea didn't really show up. But oh boy did it. Spent most of an hour standing on a street corner, unable to go anywhere because movement made it worse. Finally, my one remaining Zofran kicked in and I was able to go home. Also, the water I was drinking to keep from gagging was upsetting my stomach, so that added a fun layer.
I think the new "can't turn my head" dizziness is at least partially because my allergies just returned after a month or so of them being gone, and my ears are suddenly blocked again, which I'm not used to. Everything else, though, seems thought triggered. I've been through this once before after nearly throwing up in a cab (what do you even tip after that?!) - for month I was terrified to go anywhere that wasn't walkable. I got really good at distracting myself as long as I wasted money on cabs (hanging my head out the window helps - something about cold/moving air makes me feel less sick). But on a cramped subway car that's too hot and packed with people, well, I'm getting anxiety from that even if I felt fine before. And I no longer have money to spend on cabs. Or on anything really but that's another worry that's off-topic here.
I'm at a loss. People keep telling me to go to the doctor, but it's one hundred percent anxiety. I THINK about it and it starts. It's that simple. And I have no idea how to fix it. I'm sure in time it'll get better, but I don't have time right now. I need to see a dentist because my gums are visibly diseased at this point and I'm worried about tooth loss. I need to see an ENT and/or an allergist. I need to see my GP because it's physical time and I have a weird rash I can't get rid of anyway. I need to see my thyroid surgeon, and get a scan before that. Someday I'd like to see a gastro doc and see if I can fix all the actual stomach problems I have. I don't have the money to go back to therapy right now, but when I do I'd like to be able to go. Just did a phone session with my psychiatrist but I have to go see her in a month. I have to take my kitten to be spayed. I have to at least try to maintain my romantic relationship before she potentially moves cross-country (I can't go with her because my mother is dependent on me financially and she doesn't want to move). I'm fed up and I don't know what to do. This seems like something to work out with my psychiatrist but honestly she's pretty useless.
Help?
A few weeks ago, maybe a month at this point, I woke up with a stomachache that gave me that feeling of "Well, this is going to be trouble." It was. Chills, sweats, dry heaves, stomach cramps. bloating and a horrible heartburn feeling in my entire torso. No nausea, though; my mouth would go dry and when I couldn't swallow, my gag reflex would kick in. A new one for me.
The stomach pain lasted a couple of weeks, with me having zero appetite (honestly a nice change from always being hungry no matter how much I eat). I started having some weird symptoms that were unrelated, and I was feeling fairly okay, so I figured I could get through an appointment. I felt so sick, dizzy, lightheaded and panicky the whole way. Nearly had to leave. But it eventually passed and afterwards I felt fine. Figured I'd psyched myself out, didn't really think about it, felt pretty good the rest of the day.
It seemed to right itself before Thanksgiving and all seemed fine until last night. I tried to go out but started freaking the heck out. It was without question anxiety that triggered it. Luckily I'd brought water with me and at first the nausea didn't really show up. But oh boy did it. Spent most of an hour standing on a street corner, unable to go anywhere because movement made it worse. Finally, my one remaining Zofran kicked in and I was able to go home. Also, the water I was drinking to keep from gagging was upsetting my stomach, so that added a fun layer.
I think the new "can't turn my head" dizziness is at least partially because my allergies just returned after a month or so of them being gone, and my ears are suddenly blocked again, which I'm not used to. Everything else, though, seems thought triggered. I've been through this once before after nearly throwing up in a cab (what do you even tip after that?!) - for month I was terrified to go anywhere that wasn't walkable. I got really good at distracting myself as long as I wasted money on cabs (hanging my head out the window helps - something about cold/moving air makes me feel less sick). But on a cramped subway car that's too hot and packed with people, well, I'm getting anxiety from that even if I felt fine before. And I no longer have money to spend on cabs. Or on anything really but that's another worry that's off-topic here.
I'm at a loss. People keep telling me to go to the doctor, but it's one hundred percent anxiety. I THINK about it and it starts. It's that simple. And I have no idea how to fix it. I'm sure in time it'll get better, but I don't have time right now. I need to see a dentist because my gums are visibly diseased at this point and I'm worried about tooth loss. I need to see an ENT and/or an allergist. I need to see my GP because it's physical time and I have a weird rash I can't get rid of anyway. I need to see my thyroid surgeon, and get a scan before that. Someday I'd like to see a gastro doc and see if I can fix all the actual stomach problems I have. I don't have the money to go back to therapy right now, but when I do I'd like to be able to go. Just did a phone session with my psychiatrist but I have to go see her in a month. I have to take my kitten to be spayed. I have to at least try to maintain my romantic relationship before she potentially moves cross-country (I can't go with her because my mother is dependent on me financially and she doesn't want to move). I'm fed up and I don't know what to do. This seems like something to work out with my psychiatrist but honestly she's pretty useless.
Help?