Support by your partner/spouse

[Dch]

Do you feel lack of support by your partner/spouse during times of stress caused by health anxiety?

At the moment my dad deals with a health issue, and it triggers my hypochondria. Now I have to cope both with stress caused by my dad's health condition and by my consequent health anxiety. And I feel so lonely. I know that my partner loves me endlessly (I am in a same-sex relationship), but there have been always problems in communicating my (illness) concerns. In all other aspects of life he is a brilliant friend and partner, but, although I know it is not easy to cope and live with a hypochondriac partner, I feel lonely and misunderstood in the period of my health concerns.

(Maybe a more appropriate expression would be "lack of understanding" rather than "lack of support".)

 

[Bobnnat]

Hi Dch,

I totally understand. My wife is an excellent person, but she is simply of a different mindset when it comes to illness, actual or perceived. She simply turns her attention to all of the things she needs to get done. Never sits and worries. Yet when she did have a serious problem that turned out to be a painful kidney infection she was like a baby. I took her to the ER and eventulily she was diagnosed and healed.

I feel both anger and yet understanding towards her. I know my anxieties are difficult to deal with, especially when she doesn’t have them. I’m strong in many ways, but not health issues. I wish she would take charge like she knows how to do when I have an episode. By that I mean make the doctor appointment, talk and explain to him, accompany me...just take over. Many times I just can’t. I’m paralyzed by the anxiety. Simply trying to get her to accompany me to a dr. appointment is like pulling teeth. It’s hard for me to give her compassion when she needs it when I feel that I rarely get it from her.

Sorry for ranting on about myself. But yes, I totally know the feeling. I have no solutions unfortunately though.

 

[Dch]

@Bobnnat Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[Jgriffin]

Do you feel lack of support by your partner/spouse during times of stress caused by health anxiety?

At the moment my dad deals with a health issue, and it triggers my hypochondria. Now I have to cope both with stress caused by my dad's health condition and by my consequent health anxiety. And I feel so lonely. I know that my partner loves me endlessly (I am in a same-sex relationship), but there have been always problems in communicating my (illness) concerns. In all other aspects of life he is a brilliant friend and partner, but, although I know it is not easy to cope and live with a hypochondriac partner, I feel lonely and misunderstood in the period of my health concerns.

(Maybe a more appropriate expression would be "lack of understanding" rather than "lack of support".)

I get it. When I even mention an ache or pain my husband ignores me now. I can't talk to him at all. He just says go to the doctor.

 

[mollyfin]

My SO really tries. Sometimes she loses her patience, but very rarely. What we've found to be helpful is instead of her trying to reassure me and getting pissed off when I shoot everything down, is for her to ask what she can do that would be helpful. Usually I just want to talk about what's bothering me, not so much have someone convince me it's not real. When people I know do that I just get mad because I feel like they're writing me off as a hypochondriac. It's better when she says something like "I think you're fine but I'm sorry you're worried." It turns out more than reassurance that I'm not sick (which no one can really give), I find it more helpful to be reassured that I'm not dealing with everything alone.

It helps that she also has anxiety issues and obsessive thinking problems, so she knows I'm not just looking for attention or that it's not as easy as just deciding not to worry about it.

She's also applying to grad school for psychology (well, not at the moment; she'll start again once schools are safe), so I can ask her if she knows of any books that might help your SOs out. Dealing with someone else's mental illness when you don't have it is hard. We have a friend who's clearly suffering from some kind of delusional disorder (they post a lot of things about being "targeted" and mind control, even at one point accused their so of implanting a mind control device - it's sad, they're not a mean, stupid or ignorant person at all, but their drug addiction has really taken a toll, even though they're no longer using). I try to be supportive but at the same time I'm like "I know you're a smart, reasonable person, so why do you believe this?!" and I figure that's how people look at hypochondriacs much of the time. Doesn't really make it easier on us to live it but I don't think it's because people don't care.