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stuck in an endless loop

littlemachines

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Joined
Mar 27, 2019
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hey everyone i’m new here and i’ve been going through a really tough time lately and just wanted to get some things off my chest.

basically i just feel really “stuck” right now and i don’t know how to get out of it. i’m 26 and still live with my parents. i don’t even have a driver’s license. i constantly feel so drained that i can’t find the energy to make any changes to my life even though i know i’m completely pathetic.

i have a full time job that i’ve had for about a year now and initially i was excited to finally be working full time (before i was doing a bunch of part time jobs) but....i have grown to absolutely hate it. it’s a customer service job and there’s not nearly enough people in my department. my coworkers are really nice but the work itself drains the hell out of me. constantly being on the receiving end of so much anger and frustration from customers makes me so anxious that i’m pretty much controlled by my anxiety at this point. i’m always upset and restless even when i’m at home, dreading going to work the next day. i frequently cry after work, and every night when i go to sleep i honestly hope i won’t wake up.

i keep thinking i should quit, but i worry if i quit this job i won’t be able to find anything else; it was already so hard to get this job in the first place. that, and if i quit i’ll lose all my benefits and i won’t be able to afford to go to therapy anymore. i know my work environment is really unhealthy for me but also the thought of leaving makes me just as anxious as staying there.

i just don’t know how to be happy. i’ve been in and out of various jobs and pretty much all of them have made my depression worse. more and more i feel like finding a decent job is impossible for me and that i’ll be miserable forever. it’s gotten to the point where even my hobbies don’t make me happy anymore....i just feel completely empty and hopeless all the time.

sorry this is so long but thank you if you read the whole thing and if anyone has advice or has been through similar experiences i would appreciate it <3
 

triceps

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2018
Messages
1,145
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hey everyone i’m new here and i’ve been going through a really tough time lately and just wanted to get some things off my chest.

basically i just feel really “stuck” right now and i don’t know how to get out of it. i’m 26 and still live with my parents. i don’t even have a driver’s license. i constantly feel so drained that i can’t find the energy to make any changes to my life even though i know i’m completely pathetic.

i have a full time job that i’ve had for about a year now and initially i was excited to finally be working full time (before i was doing a bunch of part time jobs) but....i have grown to absolutely hate it. it’s a customer service job and there’s not nearly enough people in my department. my coworkers are really nice but the work itself drains the hell out of me. constantly being on the receiving end of so much anger and frustration from customers makes me so anxious that i’m pretty much controlled by my anxiety at this point. i’m always upset and restless even when i’m at home, dreading going to work the next day. i frequently cry after work, and every night when i go to sleep i honestly hope i won’t wake up.

i keep thinking i should quit, but i worry if i quit this job i won’t be able to find anything else; it was already so hard to get this job in the first place. that, and if i quit i’ll lose all my benefits and i won’t be able to afford to go to therapy anymore. i know my work environment is really unhealthy for me but also the thought of leaving makes me just as anxious as staying there.

i just don’t know how to be happy. i’ve been in and out of various jobs and pretty much all of them have made my depression worse. more and more i feel like finding a decent job is impossible for me and that i’ll be miserable forever. it’s gotten to the point where even my hobbies don’t make me happy anymore....i just feel completely empty and hopeless all the time.

sorry this is so long but thank you if you read the whole thing and if anyone has advice or has been through similar experiences i would appreciate it <3
Hi littlemachines. What does your therapist suggest as far as whether the stress of your job is worth it? Are you on an antidepressant or anxiety medication? You're a prime example of how our health care system (or lack of coverage) can be so destructive. Thankfully you can still live with your parents although I'm sure it's not your preference. There are many folks here that have to deal with the pain and loneliness of depression/ anxiety. Please don't feel alone with your difficulties, as you certainly aren't.
 
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