SmokeEater829
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- Apr 26, 2020
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I’m going to make this post mostly just so I can get things off my chest. Feel free or read, reply, or ignore as you see fit.
A little about me. I’m a married 40 year old overweight man. I have been married for 8 years, together for 13. We have one child. A 7 year old boy. He is probably the only reason I’m still here to type this. My parents divorced when I was 2. My dad wasn’t a part of my life as a kid. Luckily, my stepdad was. He cared for me as if I was his own. But, the absence of my dad and the letdowns I experienced from him formed a large part of the dad I’m trying to be to my son.
My wife and I both suffer with anxiety and I with depression. She has been in therapy for years. I tried it once, wasn’t happy with my experience and haven’t tried it again. I know I need to try again, but I have trouble opening up.
Anyhow, here is my situation. At about two years old, my son caught a cold. This caused him lots of sleep issues at the time. My wife moved him to our bed during that time. The first couple of nights were ok. I assumed once he got better, he’d go back to his room. That never happened. About 2 months of him in our bed every night, he decided he wanted to sleep lying across the bed. Basically crossways between me and her. Then, he began kicking me during the night. This would wake me up. I would move him back to the same direction as my wife and I were lying and go back to sleep. Shortly afterward, he would move again and start the process all over. Eventually, I would go to the couch.
We tried, (mostly me) to hit him back to sleeping in his bed. Every night he would sneak into our bed. Over the course of a few months I lost the battle and my bed. I began sleeping on the sofa bed.
After about 2 years of this arrangement, I finally decided to ask her about getting our relationship back. We tried talking things out between us. We even started marriage counseling. The counselor recommended that the first thing we needed to work on was getting our son out of our bed and us having some type of normal marriage life. My wife didn’t want to hear that. She enjoyed having him in the bed with her. After a few months of counseling and her not willing to try anything suggested, I stopped going. Felt like I was throwing money down the drain. Eventually, she agreed to try to get him out of our bed. What ended up happening was they moved to sleeping in his bed. I’m a shift worker. Sometimes days, sometimes nights. With them moved to his room, and me working nights, her cat decided that our now empty bed would become its new litter box. The cat began to poop on the bed. Every day. Multiplayer times a day. Now, for me, this caused a problem. Who wants to sleep in that. Not an issue for her because she’s in bed with my son in his room.
Now, I want the cat gone. Not an option for her. So for the last 4.5 years, I sleep on a the sofabed in the living room. She sleeps in bed with my son. And the cat sleeps and shits on our bed in the master bedroom.
I’ve asked her about trying to get some type of normalcy. She seems uninterested. I feel that I have a roommate, not a wife. You can probably imagine what this situation has done for intimacy over the years. It’s almost nonexistent. In the last year or so, there is only intimacy if she has been drinking.
I feel that I’m failing at pretty much every aspect of my like. My wife chose a cat and her son over a relationship with me. Shows I’m killing it as a husband. My son asked one of his friends “does your dad sleep on the couch like mine does”? My poor son thinks this is normal. What am I teaching him?? On a good note, we don’t fight. So he never sees that.
When this first started, my wife hid the fact that I slept in the living room. Sofabed was picked up every day. No evidence if anyone stopped at the house. Over time, that went away too.
I’m not sure what I think typing this out will do. But I feel better just getting it off my chest.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
A little about me. I’m a married 40 year old overweight man. I have been married for 8 years, together for 13. We have one child. A 7 year old boy. He is probably the only reason I’m still here to type this. My parents divorced when I was 2. My dad wasn’t a part of my life as a kid. Luckily, my stepdad was. He cared for me as if I was his own. But, the absence of my dad and the letdowns I experienced from him formed a large part of the dad I’m trying to be to my son.
My wife and I both suffer with anxiety and I with depression. She has been in therapy for years. I tried it once, wasn’t happy with my experience and haven’t tried it again. I know I need to try again, but I have trouble opening up.
Anyhow, here is my situation. At about two years old, my son caught a cold. This caused him lots of sleep issues at the time. My wife moved him to our bed during that time. The first couple of nights were ok. I assumed once he got better, he’d go back to his room. That never happened. About 2 months of him in our bed every night, he decided he wanted to sleep lying across the bed. Basically crossways between me and her. Then, he began kicking me during the night. This would wake me up. I would move him back to the same direction as my wife and I were lying and go back to sleep. Shortly afterward, he would move again and start the process all over. Eventually, I would go to the couch.
We tried, (mostly me) to hit him back to sleeping in his bed. Every night he would sneak into our bed. Over the course of a few months I lost the battle and my bed. I began sleeping on the sofa bed.
After about 2 years of this arrangement, I finally decided to ask her about getting our relationship back. We tried talking things out between us. We even started marriage counseling. The counselor recommended that the first thing we needed to work on was getting our son out of our bed and us having some type of normal marriage life. My wife didn’t want to hear that. She enjoyed having him in the bed with her. After a few months of counseling and her not willing to try anything suggested, I stopped going. Felt like I was throwing money down the drain. Eventually, she agreed to try to get him out of our bed. What ended up happening was they moved to sleeping in his bed. I’m a shift worker. Sometimes days, sometimes nights. With them moved to his room, and me working nights, her cat decided that our now empty bed would become its new litter box. The cat began to poop on the bed. Every day. Multiplayer times a day. Now, for me, this caused a problem. Who wants to sleep in that. Not an issue for her because she’s in bed with my son in his room.
Now, I want the cat gone. Not an option for her. So for the last 4.5 years, I sleep on a the sofabed in the living room. She sleeps in bed with my son. And the cat sleeps and shits on our bed in the master bedroom.
I’ve asked her about trying to get some type of normalcy. She seems uninterested. I feel that I have a roommate, not a wife. You can probably imagine what this situation has done for intimacy over the years. It’s almost nonexistent. In the last year or so, there is only intimacy if she has been drinking.
I feel that I’m failing at pretty much every aspect of my like. My wife chose a cat and her son over a relationship with me. Shows I’m killing it as a husband. My son asked one of his friends “does your dad sleep on the couch like mine does”? My poor son thinks this is normal. What am I teaching him?? On a good note, we don’t fight. So he never sees that.
When this first started, my wife hid the fact that I slept in the living room. Sofabed was picked up every day. No evidence if anyone stopped at the house. Over time, that went away too.
I’m not sure what I think typing this out will do. But I feel better just getting it off my chest.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
