When I told the waitress I was finished and just needed the check, she told me that somebody had paid for my breakfast and said to pay it forward. After I got over how stunned I was, I reflected on the importance of counting one's blessings.
My self-esteem has been waning recently, mostly in the form of beating myself up about social interactions. When my social anxiety surges, I tend to think that everything I say is being evaluated. It's as if I say one thing that's on the mark (and I usually have no idea what that would be), I'll be rejected. In other words, much of my life is wracked by performance anxiety. I was doing much better for a while, but recently fell back into the hole. I think I know what precipitated it, and missing two consecutive doses of my SSRI during that time didn't help. So while I was driving from church to the diner, I was overthinking a couple of interactions I had at church. I somewhat put those thoughts aside when I was seated, and I read until my breakfast arrived. After I finished and the waitress told me somebody had taken care of my check, I was stunned and humbled by the kindness. Of course, a bit of self-doubt crept in. I thought, 'Did I look downcast or in some way in need of a pick-me-up?' I was well dressed and was reading, so I doubt I was giving off that kind of vibe (then again, I'm sometimes surprised by how perceptive some people are). I think it was just an act of kindness. I'm still humbled.
As I walked to my car, I was reminded that life has its waxing periods too. It also reminded me to extend such kindness to myself. I think I'll get the most beneficial dose of that kindness when I pay it forward. I can already see how extending such kindness to somebody else will bolster my capacity to be kind to myself.
Have a great day!
My self-esteem has been waning recently, mostly in the form of beating myself up about social interactions. When my social anxiety surges, I tend to think that everything I say is being evaluated. It's as if I say one thing that's on the mark (and I usually have no idea what that would be), I'll be rejected. In other words, much of my life is wracked by performance anxiety. I was doing much better for a while, but recently fell back into the hole. I think I know what precipitated it, and missing two consecutive doses of my SSRI during that time didn't help. So while I was driving from church to the diner, I was overthinking a couple of interactions I had at church. I somewhat put those thoughts aside when I was seated, and I read until my breakfast arrived. After I finished and the waitress told me somebody had taken care of my check, I was stunned and humbled by the kindness. Of course, a bit of self-doubt crept in. I thought, 'Did I look downcast or in some way in need of a pick-me-up?' I was well dressed and was reading, so I doubt I was giving off that kind of vibe (then again, I'm sometimes surprised by how perceptive some people are). I think it was just an act of kindness. I'm still humbled.
As I walked to my car, I was reminded that life has its waxing periods too. It also reminded me to extend such kindness to myself. I think I'll get the most beneficial dose of that kindness when I pay it forward. I can already see how extending such kindness to somebody else will bolster my capacity to be kind to myself.
Have a great day!