Socializing never works out for me, anxiety getting worse

[Time2relax]

So I have Generalize anxiety disorder, but of course that causes me social anxiety. This year I have been on hydroxyzine which helps. I also have been branching out trying to socialize and pushing myself to do things. Tonight was big I was pushing myself to go to a friends graduation dinner, even though I was very anxious and depressed I went. Immediately her family greeted me and my boyfriend. One lady stated that she previously worked at the college I attend ,and asked me what my major was I replied “exercise science” (I’m pre physical therapy so this is a stepping stone degree). I couldn’t make out her response but everyone in the room which was about 10-12 people burst out laughing because of her comment. For the rest of the dinner I was anxious and wrecking my brain to figure out what she said. (Of course I was too nervous to ask in the moment.) Once I left I realize she said “that’s a major ?” That’s why everyone laughed. Most of the people their were business majors and it just overall made me feel bad. I already have anxiety. I am very happy with my major but the situation seems to have made me take two steps back from the progress I have made. I don’t want to go to any social events anymore because this proved to me that I will always be the butt of the joke. I know it wasn’t serious , but my social anxiety is from years of being bullied. I felt ambushed in the situation because I just came into the room and then it’s all these questions and I just felt her comment was rude/unnecessary. She could have just asked “What do you plan to do with that major” anyways I know my spelling and grammar is probably bad. I am tired and it’s 2:36 , but I can not sleep because the scenario keeps replaying in my head. I just wish I could socialize with out always being the butt of the joke.

 

[triceps]

Hi and welcome Time2relax. I'm right there with you by having GAD and Social Anxiety. I was in much better shape when I was younger, having more mental energy to push myself to attend the social functions I was obligated to attend. One of the keys to improving your situation is to realize that the incidents that seem so major to us aren't given a second thought by others who were there. Not a single person other than you probably even remember that joke made at your expense from that graduation dinner. Bullying from the past is very difficult to overcome but the best way to get back at those jerks is to not let it determine who you are by not letting yourself get so wrapped up by what others might think of you. You'll only have a few "true" friends in life and you'll figure out who they are with experience, the other people will come and go with varying degrees of friendship. So if you can, just concentrate on being a good person who happens to have anxiety and try not to prioritize what others might think of you.

 

[Time2relax]

Hi Triceps ! Thanks for the warm welcome, your statement at the end really impacted me. “ concentrate on being a good person who has anxiety”. I love that because I truly am always trying to be positive and a good person. I’m glad to meet others with the same issues. I think that is the best way to get back at bullies. Not letting others views of me change my own view of me seems to be the biggest challenge of mine lol. When you make everyone’s else image of you , your own it’s damaging. Thank you so much for your response ! Hope your 2020 is amazing and progressive.

 

[Hurt&Hopeful]

Hi Triceps ! Thanks for the warm welcome, your statement at the end really impacted me. “ concentrate on being a good person who has anxiety”. I love that because I truly am always trying to be positive and a good person. I’m glad to meet others with the same issues. I think that is the best way to get back at bullies. Not letting others views of me change my own view of me seems to be the biggest challenge of mine lol. When you make everyone’s else image of you , your own it’s damaging. Thank you so much for your response ! Hope your 2020 is amazing and progressive.

I love what he said, too. And he is right - nobody will remember that besides you. But you know what? People who make comments and jokes like that at the expense of others are usually trying to hide something themselves - some insecurity, or something they don't like about themselves. I would have felt the same way you did, but try to remember that that woman's comment was just someone trying to make a room laugh (in a cruel and inappropriate way), and means nothing about you as a person, or even as a future professional in your field. For some reason, she felt she needed to get the laugh.

So I'm familiar with exercise science, and I'd love to hear about it if you want to share! I'm no athlete myself, but I have friends that work with CrossFit, are physical therapists, work as trainers with high school sports teams, are PE teachers - it's a great field. Do you know what you want to do with it yet? (No pressure - I'm 40 and still figuring it out lol)
By the way - do you realize how strong you are? You have come back from bullying and deal daily with social anxiety. Yet you are in school, found a major you like, have a boyfriend, and you actually went to a dinner with strangers! That's amazing! Celebrate it.

 

[Time2relax]

I love what he said, too. And he is right - nobody will remember that besides you. But you know what? People who make comments and jokes like that at the expense of others are usually trying to hide something themselves - some insecurity, or something they don't like about themselves. I would have felt the same way you did, but try to remember that that woman's comment was just someone trying to make a room laugh (in a cruel and inappropriate way), and means nothing about you as a person, or even as a future professional in your field. For some reason, she felt she needed to get the laugh.

So I'm familiar with exercise science, and I'd love to hear about it if you want to share! I'm no athlete myself, but I have friends that work with CrossFit, are physical therapists, work as trainers with high school sports teams, are PE teachers - it's a great field. Do you know what you want to do with it yet? (No pressure - I'm 40 and still figuring it out lol)
By the way - do you realize how strong you are? You have come back from bullying and deal daily with social anxiety. Yet you are in school, found a major you like, have a boyfriend, and you actually went to a dinner with strangers! That's amazing! Celebrate it.

Thank you for your response it honestly warmed my heart. I honestly over look the progress I have made sometimes. Getting so focused on everything that I haven’t figured out yet. I forget that I at least have a small amount of stuff in life figured out lol. Yes, I want to be a Physical Therapist, and work with veterans. I always have been obsessed with rehabilitation since seeing the results PT had on my grandmother after she had a severe stroke. The opioid crisis is bad in the area I am in, and I really want to help people find better alternatives for overcoming pain as well as maybe avoid surgeries. I was lucky to start out in community college before transferring to my university. I crossed paths with many people ranging from 18 all the way to 60 who decided to change paths or are still finding theirs. It made me realize that it isn’t really a set time to have life figured out and it’s okay to change paths. Having anxiety I constantly stress about the future but I’m hoping in 2020 I can teach myself to live in the now. Thank you again for your amazing response! Hope your 2020 is starting off well.

 

[Hurt&Hopeful]

Thank you for your response it honestly warmed my heart. I honestly over look the progress I have made sometimes. Getting so focused on everything that I haven’t figured out yet. I forget that I at least have a small amount of stuff in life figured out lol. Yes, I want to be a Physical Therapist, and work with veterans. I always have been obsessed with rehabilitation since seeing the results PT had on my grandmother after she had a severe stroke. The opioid crisis is bad in the area I am in, and I really want to help people find better alternatives for overcoming pain as well as maybe avoid surgeries. I was lucky to start out in community college before transferring to my university. I crossed paths with many people ranging from 18 all the way to 60 who decided to change paths or are still finding theirs. It made me realize that it isn’t really a set time to have life figured out and it’s okay to change paths. Having anxiety I constantly stress about the future but I’m hoping in 2020 I can teach myself to live in the now. Thank you again for your amazing response! Hope your 2020 is starting off well.

Wow - that's an AMAZING goal. You not only found a goal and a career path, but you found a calling. And I believe 100% that your anxiety will be a blessing in your job, and not a detriment. Most disabled/injured veterans are also suffering from mental struggles like anxiety and PTSD as well - I have no doubt that have you as a PT will give them MORE hope, not less, because you will be able to empathize somewhat and show that we can overcome our limitations, or at least live with them. I guarantee you most of the business majors at that dinner have no idea what they want to do (no disrespect to business majors! Lol). So celebrate what you're accomplishing, and use what you're dealing with to make you an even better professional. You're doing great!