Hello to you all, I am new to this forum and have to apologize for my bad English (I live in Europe and English is my second language) and the logn post, but is my first thread on this forum. I have been suffering from anxiety and social avoidance for whole of my life. I can explain anxiety like fear of people and their reactions to me. I have always felt fear before going out with friends, parties, family visits, talking on the phone so I avoided doing this things but also have tried to act normal in this situations (so I guess I just look cold and serious) and push myself to go out even when I don't want. So by trying hard to act "normal" I menage to have some friends.
I am 34 now and for the last 13 years been going to different psychotherapists with moderate improvement. I want to become psychotherapist myself, but only when I fully (or in a great amount) conquer my problems.
I have always been interested what lays behind anxiety (social anxiety at first) - is it necessary to have susceptible brain (genetic factor) or susceptible upbringing (maybe social anxious parent, parents who emotionally neglected you, or a lot of negative experiences with peers)? I guess it is both factors, but the latter is something which I think is necessary.
For me I am sure there is some genetic factor (parents were always nervous), but mainly my parents behavior. Firstly, in our house there was always anxious feeling in the air (we lived in the same house with my grandma so my mother was in constant psychological conflict with her and was always nervous). Secondly, my parents never said that they loved me and felt emotional abandoned. They cared that I am well educated and healthy, and I have to say that they loved me in some way but not openly.We never hugged each other long and affectionately. Yes, we hugged many times, but I never felt that they were feeling unconditional love for me.Also, very important, my mother always cared about other persons opinions and made me think that is highly important to be liked by everyone. She was actually a people pleaser and made me act like one. She was forcing me to greet people polity (of course I think people should be polite, but she made me feel being polite is the most important thing in the world, so now I am polite even when the person maltreats me), to call our relatives if they had birthdays or other occasions (even though they never called us). The thing is that I felt forced to do this things and my mom would get mad if I don't act as wanted. My father was seemingly ok, but passively showed criticism for everything (let say if he watches a movie he would have to say if there is bad acting, if the situation is unrealistic..., if he describes some friend he have to say something even little bit negative).Also, he highly appreciated intelligence, so if in some situations I showed that I am not smart enough for him, I felt he didn't like me.
i have soooo many other reasons to put why I become socially anxious, but want to know for each of you what is you think made you (socially) anxious?
I am 34 now and for the last 13 years been going to different psychotherapists with moderate improvement. I want to become psychotherapist myself, but only when I fully (or in a great amount) conquer my problems.
I have always been interested what lays behind anxiety (social anxiety at first) - is it necessary to have susceptible brain (genetic factor) or susceptible upbringing (maybe social anxious parent, parents who emotionally neglected you, or a lot of negative experiences with peers)? I guess it is both factors, but the latter is something which I think is necessary.
For me I am sure there is some genetic factor (parents were always nervous), but mainly my parents behavior. Firstly, in our house there was always anxious feeling in the air (we lived in the same house with my grandma so my mother was in constant psychological conflict with her and was always nervous). Secondly, my parents never said that they loved me and felt emotional abandoned. They cared that I am well educated and healthy, and I have to say that they loved me in some way but not openly.We never hugged each other long and affectionately. Yes, we hugged many times, but I never felt that they were feeling unconditional love for me.Also, very important, my mother always cared about other persons opinions and made me think that is highly important to be liked by everyone. She was actually a people pleaser and made me act like one. She was forcing me to greet people polity (of course I think people should be polite, but she made me feel being polite is the most important thing in the world, so now I am polite even when the person maltreats me), to call our relatives if they had birthdays or other occasions (even though they never called us). The thing is that I felt forced to do this things and my mom would get mad if I don't act as wanted. My father was seemingly ok, but passively showed criticism for everything (let say if he watches a movie he would have to say if there is bad acting, if the situation is unrealistic..., if he describes some friend he have to say something even little bit negative).Also, he highly appreciated intelligence, so if in some situations I showed that I am not smart enough for him, I felt he didn't like me.
i have soooo many other reasons to put why I become socially anxious, but want to know for each of you what is you think made you (socially) anxious?
