Should I stay or should I go?

[Concernedgal]

Life has been tough for me lately and I have to talk about it.
A little back story.
I met my husband when I was 16 ...he was my first kiss,hand hold and my first everything.
I had 1 other boyfriend that broke up with me because I was (in his words) not effectionate.
I got engaged at 17 and married 15 days after my 18th birthday.
I was in love . For the majority of our relationship. .he took care of everything financially but, at the same time ...he grew cold.
I thought I had a solution so...I got a job (this is 10 years later BTW because he didn't want me to work) .
I thought that things would be different because I would take the pressure off of him and he could (love me) again.
For a couple of months. ..it seemed to have worked but, soon I started to notice a couple of things like for 1...he expected the majority of the paycheck after bills and at my job...I get paid tips too and it seems he expects that too.
I have worked at this particular job for 4 years.
My anxiety disorder has been aggravated and when I think about the bills that are owed...it starts to get hard to breathe and my chest starts to flutter.
A promotion was recently offered to me and I accepted so I can make more money.
Its' not much different from what I do now and I will actually get paid what I deserve for it.
We fought today and I finally told him how I felt .
I told him that he doesn't help out anymore and he has gotten lazy and I didn't feel loved anymore.
He asked me if I wanted him to leave and I told him that I honestly didn't care anymore.
I guess I would care because I love this man but, what it be better for me in the long run if I just left?
Should I divorce this man?

 

[janemariesayed]

Life has been tough for me lately and I have to talk about it.
A little back story.
I met my husband when I was 16 ...he was my first kiss,hand hold and my first everything.
I had 1 other boyfriend that broke up with me because I was (in his words) not effectionate.
I got engaged at 17 and married 15 days after my 18th birthday.
I was in love . For the majority of our relationship. .he took care of everything financially but, at the same time ...he grew cold.
I thought I had a solution so...I got a job (this is 10 years later BTW because he didn't want me to work) .
I thought that things would be different because I would take the pressure off of him and he could (love me) again.
For a couple of months. ..it seemed to have worked but, soon I started to notice a couple of things like for 1...he expected the majority of the paycheck after bills and at my job...I get paid tips too and it seems he expects that too.
I have worked at this particular job for 4 years.
My anxiety disorder has been aggravated and when I think about the bills that are owed...it starts to get hard to breathe and my chest starts to flutter.
A promotion was recently offered to me and I accepted so I can make more money.
Its' not much different from what I do now and I will actually get paid what I deserve for it.
We fought today and I finally told him how I felt .
I told him that he doesn't help out anymore and he has gotten lazy and I didn't feel loved anymore.
He asked me if I wanted him to leave and I told him that I honestly didn't care anymore.
I guess I would care because I love this man but, what it be better for me in the long run if I just left?
Should I divorce this man?

Oh dear! Through everything that you have said about how you feel since I have known you, I never, ever thought I would think this way.

Fridge it! I think you gotta leave him.

He adds to, if not is the cause of your anxieties. If you ask him to leave, or you left, you would be in total control of your finances. I've been there exactly where you are and have been. Both my hubbies were muslim so they were the masters so to speak. There were days I didn't get to eat, or all I had was a potato because of their idiocy and stupidity in running the household finances. Those men who think they have control..... Grrrr!and there is nothing you can do.

A leopard does not change it's spots so they say.

If you left, or you were in control of your own finances this is how it would probably go.

1- Sure you would miss him for a while and wonder if you made the right decision.
2- You will cry a lot, for a while.
3-You will go through angry feelings.
4-In another 10 years you will wish you hadn't divorced him.
5-Your anxieties will get less.
6-You will be in control of your finances and that particular worry will cease.
7-Despite other feelings, you will feel content.
8-If you had a pet, your happiness will be guaranteed.
9-You would sleep easy.
10-You would get to watch whatever you want on TV, spend your money how you want, get your hair done when you want, buy clothes when you want, buy music, DVDs and decorate how you want.

I feel all these things that I've listed. Although I hate it when a marriage breaks down, it was the best thing I ever did and I was going through what you have been going through.

Now my money is my own, I don't have any financial problems at all. My anxieties are for different reasons and I am happy that I am single. I get all the affection and cuddles I need from my dogs.

If you were on your own, you would find yourself as well. You would find your own interests, and try things you would never have otherwise.

You may even meet someone else more worthy of your affections.

 

[janemariesayed]

I really didn't like voting the way I have, but it's the only way I can vote. Sorry.

 

[Concernedgal]

Don' t apologize.
I asked for honesty and I got it.
I appreciate your input.
I have alot of thinking to do because we have been together for almost 18years.
I'm afraid of the pain it will cause.
I'm afraid that if I do go out there and find myself. ...I won't like what I see.
And i'm a little afraid of him .
Like he will have a hard time letting me go and would do something crazy. ..not to me...but,to himself.