Scared to meet people who know me

[luxe]

Does anyone else have this or knows how to deal with it?

A part of what makes working on my anxiety and social skills so hard, is being scared of meeting people I know outside of where I expect to see them (such as my therapist out of her office or my classmates outside of class, because it's unexpected and I feel unprepared to see them even if I don't have to talk to them or anything). It goes for any people I have interacted with and remember, such as my classmates, old classmates, family friends, even my therapist as I just mentioned.
This makes me avoid a lot of places and events because it's a small town and seeing people who might know me is inevitable. I'm not really sure why I feel this way but I suppose it has to do with me feeling embarrassed of being watched and judged by people who will pay more attention to me than a stranger, even if by a little. Also because they will remember it and it will add on to their opinion of me.
I know the usual ''people are busy with their own lives and nobody cares about what you do'' thing but i'm aware that despite that, people have a subconscious opinion on everyone, and because i'm very awkward (I move and act and talk weirdly, especially when i'm nervous, which I am often when around people). I know everyone's opinion on me must be very bad already.
Even if its a very minor interaction or even if at the moment it seems like I haven't done anything weird or awkward I can think about it for weeks or months after, over and over and feeling worse each time. My memory tends to black out when i'm nervous so I don't remember the moments that well apart from the initial fear, so I tend to assume the worst or just feel like I did something awful and embarrassing even if I may have not really done it, but I also cant ever be sure.
I started thinking about this today when I wanted to attend an event but realized someone I used to vaguely interact with years ago might be there, and changed my mind. I thought about how it would be much easier for me to get better if I could get over this.
(I also have general social anxiety, i'm afraid of strangers and other social situations too, but its worse with teenagers and worst with people who know me, which i'm not sure if is unusual)

 

[Husband/Father of 3]

I'd say this is pretty normal/fits into general social anxiety. It can be very helpful if you have someone that you trust (spouse,friend,parent,sibling, etc.) to attend/partner with that could go to an event that you might feel nervous about. They will be able to provide you with feedback/reassurance that everything went fine and you didn't do anything awful or embarrassing. The best way to overcome social anxiety is to expose yourself - just do it, as they say. Afterwards you will hopefully gain confidence and have reassurance from your trusted person that everything was fine.

 

[luxe]

I'd say this is pretty normal/fits into general social anxiety. It can be very helpful if you have someone that you trust (spouse,friend,parent,sibling, etc.) to attend/partner with that could go to an event that you might feel nervous about. They will be able to provide you with feedback/reassurance that everything went fine and you didn't do anything awful or embarrassing. The best way to overcome social anxiety is to expose yourself - just do it, as they say. Afterwards you will hopefully gain confidence and have reassurance from your trusted person that everything was fine.

Thank you for the reply, i'm glad to hear its more common than I thought, since I rarely see people mentioning this side of social anxiety. Sadly, I don't have anyone who could go anywhere with me, as my family is a part of the initial problem and I struggle heavily with making friends.
This means I have to do things on my own, but its hard to actually take action instead of marinating at home and feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully i'll be able to cheer up and get out more often now that weather is getting warmer.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

I sometimes feel afraid to run into former high school classmates of mine because, in many cases, they'll ask me what I'm doing for a living, and I don't want to have to lie to them and tell them that I'm working full time, but I don't want to tell them that I just do volunteer work because I'm disabled due to mental illness either.

 

[Howlingvapor]

I too have anxiety over meeting people I know outside of where I expect to see them. Especially when I’m at work, I think it’s because on some level I think they’re judging my crappy job. I also would get nervous when I saw people I knew from middle school at my college. It got to the point that I made a game out of avoiding being recognized by old friends. I grew facial hair for a while specifically because it took longer for old friends to recognize me so I had time to collect myself and not feel nervous, well maybe I didn’t grow it out specifically for that, but it was a perk for sure.


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[He Man]

I too have anxiety over meeting people I know outside of where I expect to see them. Especially when I’m at work, I think it’s because on some level I think they’re judging my crappy job. I also would get nervous when I saw people I knew from middle school at my college. It got to the point that I made a game out of avoiding being recognized by old friends. I grew facial hair for a while specifically because it took longer for old friends to recognize me so I had time to collect myself and not feel nervous, well maybe I didn’t grow it out specifically for that, but..

Your post is interesting & relatable.. I don't feel nervous when I see familiar people in unexpected places. But I do get dizzy, sometimes nauseous, & feel pressure behind my eyes (which I attribute to social anxiety). It's weird bcuz I've always been outgoing.. have a nice wife & family.. doing ok financially etc. But I sense that I feel inadequate, or am hiding something from myself & others. I bought a house close to where I grew up, and that is around the time when all my conscious suffering started (?) Wish I (& we, as a group of sufferers) could figure out (or come to terms with) some of these underlying issues..

 

[LittleMissCatastrophe]

Does anyone else have this or knows how to deal with it?

A part of what makes working on my anxiety and social skills so hard, is being scared of meeting people I know outside of where I expect to see them (such as my therapist out of her office or my classmates outside of class, because it's unexpected and I feel unprepared to see them even if I don't have to talk to them or anything). It goes for any people I have interacted with and remember, such as my classmates, old classmates, family friends, even my therapist as I just mentioned.
This makes me avoid a lot of places and events because it's a small town and seeing people who might know me is inevitable. I'm not really sure why I feel this way but I suppose it has to do with me feeling embarrassed of being watched and judged by people who will pay more attention to me than a stranger, even if by a little. Also because they will remember it and it will add on to their opinion of me.
I know the usual ''people are busy with their own lives and nobody cares about what you do'' thing but i'm aware that despite that, people have a subconscious opinion on everyone, and because i'm very awkward (I move and act and talk weirdly, especially when i'm nervous, which I am often when around people). I know everyone's opinion on me must be very bad already.
Even if its a very minor interaction or even if at the moment it seems like I haven't done anything weird or awkward I can think about it for weeks or months after, over and over and feeling worse each time. My memory tends to black out when i'm nervous so I don't remember the moments that well apart from the initial fear, so I tend to assume the worst or just feel like I did something awful and embarrassing even if I may have not really done it, but I also cant ever be sure.
I started thinking about this today when I wanted to attend an event but realized someone I used to vaguely interact with years ago might be there, and changed my mind. I thought about how it would be much easier for me to get better if I could get over this.
(I also have general social anxiety, i'm afraid of strangers and other social situations too, but its worse with teenagers and worst with people who know me, which i'm not sure if is unusual)

Totally relatable... Yes people do their own thing, and think about themselves, but also I had a bad experience with people who I knew well, and was friends with, talking vicious things about me behind my back. And also, my family was always obssesed what other people and neighbors are gonna say , and their whole world revolves around it. I call them highly functional social anxieters . So i think it got to me on some subconscious level
Do you have maybe some experience with that ? Maybe some kind of bad thing, that makes it hard for you in social situations?

 

[Joshua1]

Be confident in yourself and who you are.