Possible depressive episode

[Grace360]

I'm possibly going into one. Don't know for sure yet. Its a buildup. Home life, crippling insecurity, the stress of the pandemic. Seeing missing assignments building.
I.. attempted to workout yesterday. I was so unhappy with my body that I attwmpted a workout. Keep in mind I've basically been alternating two sides of the same couch for about a month but I was so tired of it. I did half the workout. Not a lot by any means. But I did. I felt pretty good about myself for an hour or so. And then I went on an app, checked my timeline. I saw all these pretty girls and.. well. One after another after another. Crop tops, bikinis. Tiny waists, hourglass shapes. They eat healthy. Or they don't. Afterwards I cried, nearly to sleep. I binge ate at about 5 am after that cry. Now my motivation diminished. I get anxious around my mom because I just.. I don't like her. Too many issues. I just wanna get out of here. And its not just because I'm cooped up in here. We've already had issues and its already getting worse. I don't have friends to confide to.. my school was a blessing and a curse. Never made any real friends. Rejection was a weekly thing and now I pretty much have no one. Even all my therapist wants to talk about is grades.

With the depressive episode thing. I am real irritable, but my family had tried to brainwash me into thinking its just "teenage hormones". I don't wanna do anything I like doing. Makeup, doing nails on myself. Drawing. Baking, I got discouraged from that too. The only thing I do is be on my phone, play Sims, play D&D, and eat. I know its bad when I want the depressive episode to get bad enough for me to lose my appetite and finally lose some godd*mn weight.

 

[lil7303]

Try not to beat yourself up over it. I know exactly how you feel. Comparing yourself with other girls that you see online is mentally unhealthy and draining. I used to do it alllll the time and I admit, I still do occasionally- it's honestly depressing. When this happens, I always try and remember that many of their bikini pics etc are photoshopped and they've probably taken hundreds of pics to get the 'perfect' angle. Please don't beat yourself up over it- I'm sure you haven't put the weight on that you think you have- also, there isn't much else to do in this current situation besides sit on the sofa etc. It's not a productivity competition. Not saying you need to at all, but for me personally, working out really improves my mental health when I'm feeling low- gets the serotonin going or something.

 

[Joshua1]

Now my motivation diminished. I get anxious around my mom because I just.. I don't like her. Too many issues. I just wanna get out of here. And its not just because I'm cooped up in here. We've already had issues and its already getting worse. I don't have friends to confide to.. my school was a blessing and a curse. Never made any real friends. Rejection was a weekly thing and now I pretty much have no one. Even all my therapist wants to talk about is grades.

You have to tell your therapist to help you and not talk about grades. Therapists can be expensive. People will come and go but how you feel about yourself will remain with you forever, when i say forever i am not just talking about this life but even beyond.