Please help me.

[Kelculator]

I almost gave in to my depressive thoughts (the usual, how things will never get better and how I'm so tired of everything) and I can't believe I almost lost myself. I was almost not here typing, and it is scary to think about, almost. I realize I need help, and I wish to have some advice from you guys--
I bet all of you have had moments in which you really SHOULDN'T think about the uncontrollable future, but do nonetheless. In my case, it is some really tricky highschool --> college transition stuff and in my city, it is a crazily stressful deal. I can't help but procrastinate on studies and break down twice a day. How do you manage?
I'm so tired of crying and having near panic attacks so many times a day. I am begging for it to get better.
I hope that wasn't too depressing. I am still okay, I have friends and family that love me, but it just... can be so hard, especially when people haven't been in my shoes.
I hope you're doing well.

 

[triceps]

Hi Kelculator. Have you taken those college entrance exams yet or are they still hanging over your head? We've all had those "I can't take it anymore!" thoughts and I have more than once came very close to ending things and am so glad I made it past those points. But our anxiety/depression situations are chronic, letting up at times but always coming back. We just have to accept that and do our best to function in spite of it. You're young and have more mental energy for the fight than us old farts. That's a big advantage which assures you'll keep plugging, learning more and more what helps you deal with this stuff and what makes it worse. We've got every confidence in you that you'll get past this present crisis and soon write a chipper post letting us know how much better you're doing.

 

[Rosy]

I agree with Triceps. I went through all he has said. You will get past this. Keep us posted good or bad days. We are all here for you.

 

[Kelculator]

Hi Kelculator. Have you taken those college entrance exams yet or are they still hanging over your head? We've all had those "I can't take it anymore!" thoughts and I have more than once came very close to ending things and am so glad I made it past those points. But our anxiety/depression situations are chronic, letting up at times but always coming back. We just have to accept that and do our best to function in spite of it. You're young and have more mental energy for the fight than us old farts. That's a big advantage which assures you'll keep plugging, learning more and more what helps you deal with this stuff and what makes it worse. We've got every confidence in you that you'll get past this present crisis and soon write a chipper post letting us know how much better you're doing.

Sadly, they are still hanging over my head. I'm struggling to stay afloat between the self-blame and the anxiety of doing revision and realizing I don't know crap. Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Hurt&Hopeful]

Aaahhhh, you sound so much like me between high school and college. Most people with this type of anxiety are overachievers, perfectionists, stressed about performance...I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's miserable, but it will pass...

Would you accept some advice from a now-40-year-old overachiever/stress ball/worrier? It's hard to believe, but in 20 years those test scores will be a distant memory. NOBODY in my life knows my test scores, or cares. They care about my work ethic, my friendship, my compassion as a human being ... All things that are more important. I'm not saying your exams don't matter and you shouldn't do your best, but I am saying that they are not the most important thing. Your health is more important. Your integrity and character are more important. If you fail these exams, you can still succeed at life. Isn't that nice to know? Do your best, but put this in perspective - it's one phase in a very long life, a life that will be full of surprises and good things for you. We're all here with you - you will get through this! Keep us posted - it's so great that you're willing to share here in the dark moments. We've been there, too (some of us are there now). Lots of love!