Parenting Skills Are Sub par

[worriedturtle]

Hey. There are some days that really rattle my bones and shake me to my core. I feel like with all of the holidays and the stress that comes with them, mixed together with work, home life and raising my 2 sons. I feel like some of those things get pushed off to the side and I usually chose the wrong one.

I can't push work to the side, in fact I HAVE to be an over achiever, as my mom is out of work and has been for almost a year. Maybe I should start my introduction in a different way...

I live at grandfathers home with my mother and my two sons. The reason that we all started living together was because my mother moved in with my Grandfather and Grandmother so that she could help take care of my grandma who was bed ridden, this is when I was young. We moved in with them when I was about 3 years old, and I watched as my grandmother slow morph from an strong woman who loved her garden and animals to a women who was stuck in her room slowly dying from a disease with no cure (RA, Cancer and more). It made me sad, and worried for my mom since she has the same disease. I moved out once I was done with high school and married my now ex husband. Once we separated I moved back home but by that time my grandmother had been dead for a few years.

Fast forward through my life from then to now (to get back on track with the beginning of my post), I really have to work my ass off because my mom was let go from her job last January and has been unable to fine new employment she has been trying but nothing has been successful, I believe it might be because of her age (52) and that many places are nervous to hire her since she is "close" to retirement age. I've even thought of getting a second job but I feel that I will have even less time with my kids. But I went from have a "second income" (my mom) to only having my income. And with 2 car loans, student loans, and max out credit cards (due to bills, and medical bills) I am stretched thin. Living paycheck to paycheck is a huge understatement. My grandfather is helping by paying one of my car loans but its only a drop in the bucket. And he is not going to be around forever, what am I supposed to do once he is gone? I would have to get an apartment that allows pets, I have 2 small dogs, and I am not willing to let them go. Max can always tell when something is wrong with me. In fact his head has been in my lap the entire time I have been typing this.

I know that this has been a long "introduction" for myself, but I just kept typing as the feelings and words came to my head. I just want to do right by my children, and I really need to shift my focus from mainly work to my sons. Its just really difficult to put action into words.

WorriedTurtle

 

[Concernedgal]

Life sucks. I have a husband that won't work and I am the main breadwinner in my household. I don't have a lot of time to myself and when I do. . All I want to do is sleep. Where's your ex-husband at? Can't he watch his children for a day or 2 so that you can get a little r&r or is he that sorry of a guy to have nothing to do with his own children? (Don't really know that situation ) but, that's what it sounds like you are needing right now. It's is incredibly stressful to be the only one that take's care of a family financially. It's all on you to make sure the bills are paid and that theres food on the table. Invest in a babysitter and take time for yourself. You really need this. And the fact that you think your not good enough of a mother tells me that you are because you are constantly trying to find ways to be better at it. Your a great mother so get that out of your mind. Your a woman that loves and cares about her family so much that you go above and beyond to keep it all together. But, you need to think about yourself every once in awhile. Welcome to the forum.

Concernedgal.