Obsessing over a friend with depression

[Kaynil]

Some years ago, I was doing super myself, but I wasn't as concerned for me as I was with my friend. He would paint me as his pillar of resistance and I tried to be for him, even if I didn't know what I could do exactly to make him feel better. He would panic if I couldn't reach my phone, or if I hanged up the phone a bit too quick or if I was having trouble to stay awake with him past 3 am.


I would feel he was obsessing with me being there for him every moment, but I also felt a huge dose of stress and anxiety for every waking hour I knew he was alone. I couldn't focus in school. I was just waiting for a chance to use their computer to check on him. To read his online journal, where we used to exchange private vents. He was on the verge of suicide, or at least he gave me that kind of impression calling drunk and talking about how tempting the bridge looked. He said he even attempted the freaking toaster in tub thing but the cord was too short.I was so scared of being powerless. I was so scared of one day just learned he had gone through it. I was terrified.


The few people I opened about what was going on told me he was manipulating and wouldn't do a thing so just silence my phone for a night. After one afternoon where we had a fight I decided to do that. I couldn't sleep well, and of course, I missed a call. I regretted it but fortunately got in contact in time to skype and calm him down. He had been the friend that helped me deal with my lows in the past, my closest friend so I was bent in helping him out.


For many what I did wasn't good but in its time I feel it was the difference that made him finally break free from the cycle. It took a huge toll on me though, as it consumed everything. My family was angry at my lower grades and lack of involvement. I felt I was a failure as a friend, as a student and to my parents. I was spreading myself too thin. I wanted so hard to be my friend's rock but I was also pretty depressed myself before I realised.


I don't know if you ever have had to go through a similar situation, but since most of the threads here are about our own depression, I thought it would be interesting to talk with our experiences when our friends are the ones suffering it and how can we best deal with the situation so things don't get out of control and you end up losing grip and getting dragged down.

 

[Alexandoy]

This is not an advice but just sharing.  When I was not married yet there was this colleague who I noticed was on the verge of depression.  My natural impulse was to try and help. She was tall and pretty but I did not fall for her because I had a girlfriend.  And it came to pass that we were dating but clean dating only. I felt that I was her security blanket. There was no cell phone nor internet yet so our meeting was very precious.  And then her cousin approached me and begged that I stay away because my colleague was obviously suffering from depression caused by her previous relationship.  The cousin was concerned of my well being that I might get involved deeply. Oh well, I followed the cousin's advice and gave alibis to avoid my colleague.  After a few months of being disconnected,  that colleague committed suicide by jumping in the river.

 

[philomel]

I have a friend whose natural condition is to be depressed and over dramatize over every single little thing. But, my friends in his own words is a huge coward so there is no way he would try to do anything to himself. He is also very nice to kids, animals, friends, relatives, parents... but it fails to serve him with his feelings. Whatever happens on his job is like a huge drama, it is a catastrophe.


We get along very well because at times I have a 'situation depression', that is when you don't have money and bills are coming in... I think that all humans have been depressed once in their life over this and that, but it is a right measure that changes the perspective.You can't possibly blame other person actions and feelings for your own misfortune, and sometimes my friend does that without even thinking of it.